Post by James Bishop on Mar 2, 2021 3:27:38 GMT
After driving the truck the short distance to the private dock Elliot owned, Lina had gone and got the skiff ready from the small boathouse. Tossing their bags into the skiff, she’d then locked up Elliot’s truck before she’d help James into the boat. It was dark, and she didn’t like that. The waters could be dangerous at night, but she also knew they had no choice, and knew the way to the cabin like the back of her hand.
She’d gone into the boathouse, fishing around until she found what she wanted, and came back with the blanket before she tossed it to James. They’d want it because it was about to get very cold. Once It looked like they were ready, Lina got in the skiff and then started the small engine. Having made sure they had gas before they even went anywhere. She made sure to move slow through the water, at least to get them out of the bay. She was smart enough to keep the throttle down so as to not make as much noise as possible. Causing small wakes in the water. Once out of the bay, she picked their speed up. She didn’t say anything, focused more on driving and making sure they didn’t hit a bank. Luckily they had clear skies, and there was a bit of a moon out to provide some light.
It took a little over an hour then, and Lina curved the skiff around a small bend and they were suddenly going up river for a bit, before the small doc on the bank could be seen. Slowing down, she brought the engine to a stop and reached for the dock rope. Using her arms she pulled them in close before tying the rope to the skiff, tying it in place. If James was asleep, she’d gently wake him before lifting their stuff up on the dock and then climbing up herself, before she’d help him. “Easy, take it slow, this is gonna hurt.” She told him gently. Once she got him up, she tied her tote bag full of food to her backpack before she put it on and then grabbed the handle of James' suitcase, threading the handles of her medic bag over it so it could rest on top, and then wrapped an arm around his waist to help support him, before they’d start the slow and steady hike to the cabin.
What normally would have taken a twenty-minute walk, took longer with the slow pace she set for them more for James’ sake. She could already feel exhaustion setting in, and she could only imagine how he was feeling at that moment. The sound of the Alaskan wilderness was settling in around them save for what noise they made moving on the trail. Otherwise, it was quiet. Silence. But soon they’d notice a slight incline that eventually grew and ahead of them sitting on top of the small hill was the cabin. Elliot for whatever reason had insisted on staining the wood in the darkest stain he could get his hands on to make it blend in with the forest. In the daylight, you could see all the way down the hill from all directions, and the ocean from over the treetops. You had the perfect view of everything, unless you knew how to get there, you weren’t going to find the cabin easily. There was no road access anywhere conveniently nearby unless you took an ATV ten miles north. It had been one fucking long summer building the thing, and even then, they hadn’t quite finished it. Uncle took frequent trips out when she and Marie had been in school to finish the thing.
“There’s going to be two flights of stairs, but there's a railing for you to hold onto.” Lina spoke softly letting James know the amount of hurt he was about to be in. She definitely planned on checking his stitches when she could get him in bed. “Just a little longer.” She said a bit breathless. She herself was really looking forward to bed, if only to hopefully wake up and for this all to have been just a dream. But if it was...she’d wake up and there would be no James. Because James was supposed to be in San Diego. It was bittersweet.
At the base of the stairs, Lina let go of James so she could hurry up and get the door open. Pulling the key out from under the bird feeder, and unlocking the door she tossed their stuff in before she turned and went to help James up the steps in any way she could. Once they were inside, she pulled out her phone flashlight and navigated to where the generator was kept, and then began flipping on light switches. “Alright go sit on that barstool, I want to check those stitches of yours.” She ordered while she shut and locked the door before grabbing the medic bag. She’d take it over to the kitchen island before she wiped a hand over her forehead, not realizing how sweaty she was, but at that moment she really didn’t freaking care and just wanted to sleep.
All he wanted to do was sleep, but that lingering fear was making it near impossible for him to even try. The car ride had been short, thankfully, but he got the feeling that they weren’t quite there yet. He remembered Lina telling him about this particular cabin in which he thought, precisely, what a perfect safehouse it would be. How ironic that it actually was, just that Helina wasn’t fully aware. Elliot had been smart, but James also wasn’t very surprised and had grinned to himself when he thought about it on the drive there.
Refusing to let her do absolutely everything, he tried to help out wherever he could, and however he could without agitating his injuries even further. He realized he got winded a lot faster, though, and when that happened, the dizziness returned. It took a lot for him to step back and allow Lina to deal with hauling the bags most of the time and steering them across the water. But it was the hike that proved to be a lot more difficult. With his lack of sleep, having only dozed briefly during the boat ride (in which he wound up waking up in a panic), he was weaker than he’d admit. The exhaustion was ten times worse but he couldn’t rest, not until he was truly sure they would be safe. Even then, there was no guarantee. He was wired to always be on alert; no amount of bullet holes or knife wounds were going to change that.
Just when he thought he might have to request a short break, the sight of the cabin came into view. It was definitely hard to spot, he realized, and again he smiled lightly. Elliot, you bloody genius. This was perfect and he didn’t know why he briefly doubted the man. It was more than just a summer home. He knew, without having to really see it, that it was a damn fortress.
“I’m...I’ll be fine,” he quietly reassured her. He was also reassuring himself. They were there, just another minute or so and they would be safe behind locked doors. James was grateful for the open wilderness all around them, but at the same time, it made him anxious. Everything was so dark and he wasn’t as alert as he should be.
While she unlocked the door, he had already made it halfway up those steps before she was back to assist him. He was too tired to argue, but he knew she was likely exhausted herself. Yet it was a relief to finally be inside, and his slow shuffling carried him to the barstool as directed where he carefully sat with a heaving sigh; tiredly leaning back against the kitchen island. “So...this is the cabin, eh?” he asked, his voice strained. Right, state the stupid obvious when you didn’t know what else to say. Normally silence was fine with him, but he was afraid he might pass out on her if he didn’t talk every now and then. His limbs were on fire and his arm was either really sweaty or that knife wound had opened up a little. He could feel the blood beneath the gauze. Fucking hell.
Her first act of business was helping him take the jacket off. A small smile appeared on her face at his question, though her face grew in concern at hearing the strain in his voice. He really needed to lay down and rest. Especially after what his body had been through the last couple days and then the injuries he sustained. She was growing more concerned, but she was so tired, she didn’t have it in her to complain at him. “This is the cabin.” She said with a nod of her head.
Once they got the jacket up, Lina sighed and grimaced at seeing the fresh blood on James’s arm. She could handle restitching that, what she was more concerned about was the gunshot. “Might as well take your shirt off.” She told him, now that sleeve was soaked in blood. She helped him remove it before she used it to gently clean up the rest of the blood. “Three bedrooms, two and half baths, there’s an upstairs loft with two of the bedrooms.” She spoke softly, her tiredness showing in her voice as she nodded over to the metal spiral staircase. “Got one hell of a view at dawn and sunset.” She yawned then, unable to help it, as she waved towards the large front windows that currently just showed forest treeline, and the moon, but they could also see part of the reflection from the ocean.
She stepped in closer to James, bending slightly, and her fingers gently examined the bandage over his gun shot that thankfully hadn’t torn open, but she'd change his dressing in the morning. She sighed in relief, and then tossed his shirt on the island before going into the medic bag for more thread and a new bandage. She took her scissors and cut the old one away to reveal where he’d torn a few of the stitches. She pulled out the bad threads gently, tying off where he hadn’t torn them, and began to restitch him up. “I’ll give you something to help you sleep, and help with the pain.” She told him. AKA another shot of morphine that would have James out for at least six hours, if not more.
There was a faint snipping noise as she cut the thread and tied it off before she applied a new bandage to his arm. She sighed, content that the stitches would hold again if he took it easy. She wasn’t even thinking as she leaned in then and pressed her lips gently against the gauze. “There, stitched back up, and you even have a kiss to make it all better!” She set the tools down then and sighed again before she began to giggle. Because everything was funny at three in the morning apparently, especially when you were kissing booboo’s better. She shook her head at herself and then walked to where she’d left the rest of the bags and tossed them on the couch. Taking the food tote, she walked back into the kitchen and started putting things in either the fridge or a cupboard. Elliot came up here enough that there was canned food, but Lina had also brought fresh stuff. It didn’t take her long at all, she worked fast and then went into her medic bag to find the morphine and a needle.
“C’mon gimpy, I’m not poking you with this until you're laying down.” She told him, walking to his side to help him should he need it. She led the way to the master bedroom then, because there was no way in hell James was going up a spiral staircase to where Marie and her rooms were. She pushed open the door and flicked on the overhead light revealing the large room. She helped James over to the bed, mostly hovering in case it really looked like he would need her support before she pulled back the covers for him. She squatted down then to help take his boots off. “You want your jeans on or off?” She asked him. She wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, and given what they’d already done together, and the fact she was so dog tired, she didn’t give a flying monkey if he was commando or not.
All he wanted to do was crash. And were he just on his own, he may have wished to just fall asleep and not wake up again. It was more a grumpy and humorous thought than truly morbid. Mostly. And the grumpiness slipped out further when she was helping him out of the jacket. He didn't want to move, because it hurt to move no matter how much he thought he could ignore it and pretend like it was fine.
With her sigh, his eyes drifted down to his arm with a frown. Yep, he pulled stitches even though he had tried to be careful. It was just in a really bad spot for trekking through the woods and trying to make sure he didn't fall flat on his face. He knew if he had collapsed, she wouldn't have been able to get him up. So, he sighed lightly, too, his head lolling back to idly glance at the ceiling. "I'm sorry," he said again. This time, it was for her needing to fix that. Then, it was the agitating process of having to remove his shirt.
He really hated getting shot.
She was talking about the cabin and he could hear how tired she was. It only made the guilt worse. "You guys did...a great job on it," he added, just to acknowledge and keep the conversation going for a moment longer. And Elliot made some extra improvements.
James tried to remain still, his breaths coming out in soft hisses. With his skin still sore and inflamed, just those couple of stitches hurt to redo, and this time he wasn't passed out. Nor did he want to be. Clenching his jaws, every now and then that bright gaze drifted over to her as she worked. Then she mentioned giving him something for the pain and he froze. "Don't let me be out fer too long…" There was that concern again, a fear in his eyes. He didn't want to be severely drugged. James understood the need to rest, but he also needed to be alert, god forbid, if the need arose.
Soon, he was all stitched up again, with a kiss to make it better. He looked at her in amusement but also some mild worry as he wasn't sure if she was getting delirious or not. Hopefully she would sleep, too. Elliot promised this place would be safe, even for a short while. And Jay trusted him completely. "Thanks, lass," he said, deciding not to ask if she was okay or not. He knew she wasn't because he mentally wasn't. Slowly, he tried to get up, maybe thinking he'd be able to help her as she put things away, but gave up on that idea really fast. Just one night. He had to give himself one night to really rest because he was going to need it. He was also feeling slightly dizzy once more, but that was most likely the lack of sleep creeping up on him again.
Chuckling when she was at his side, he used her assistance to get off the stool but tried not to lean his weight on her as they walked. "Do behave, Lina," he joked lightly, trying to keep the strain from his voice as much as he could. There was this awkward feeling all of a sudden. Despite the night they shared just days ago, even with barely knowing each other, even after feeling whatever that connection was, they were in a totally different situation now. He was no longer hiding who he truly was but she still didn't know about it. Not all of it. It was strange and he never expected to see her again. Now, he didn't know how he was supposed to feel. If he was allowed to feel anything. If they should pretend like nothing happened and just figure out how to survive this mess.
When he sat on the edge of the bed, he couldn't stop himself from letting the rest of him just fall back and sink into it. He sighed in heavy relief, already feeling sleep trying to take hold. "Oh my fuck, a bed... it's amazin'…" He was mumbling now, his eyes closed. Clearly it had been a few days for him. Helina was saying something, and although he didn't quite know what it was, it had him chuckling in that tired delirium anyway. "Yer not allowed...to see me in my skivvies..." Right, because completely nude was appropriate after only a day. He didn't care enough to actually answer her question, so she could leave him how he was. James was already trying to roll over on his side, only to realize how much that...well, hurt, so with a hiss he decided not to.
Lina snorted, as she stood up. And then moved to him. “Easy,” She said. He was going to hear her saying that a lot to him in the next couple days. He was to take these three days to heal. He could be whatever the heck he was after three days once Elliot arrived or...Three days and no Elliot. That was a thought she didn’t want to think about.
Since he didn’t want his pants off, she took to patting him down and emptying things in his pockets so he wasn’t laying on anything and set whatever he had on the nightstand. She really didn’t pay attention to what he had, and then would lift his legs up and under the sheets before pulling the sheets over him. She took her syringe needle then, and held the small vile she had of the morphine up. As per his request, she only gave him a little before she took one of his forearms and shot him up with it, before she set those off to the side as well. Lina sat on the edge of the bed then, cupping his cheek. “Sleep James.” She whispered. “You really need it.” She told him. She stroked his cheek, looking at his tired face. She’s seen the bruises, the injuries, and wondered just what sort of hell he’d been through the last couple days. What hell they would be entering into now.
She leaned forward resting her forehead gently against his, and sighed. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” She told him reassuringly. She smiled at him, before kissing his forehead, and leaning back. Standing up, she tucked the covers around him to make sure he was comfortable before she took the morphine and needle and left the room. Wanting him to focus on sleeping.
Once back into the main room, she went and tossed his bloodied shirt and into the washer, along with some towels so they’d be clean as well and not musky. She started the load, and then began to make as much order out of the chaos as she could. Organizing her medic and doing inventory of it, cleaning the kitchen and straightening the living room up. She set a timer on the coffee pot, and then when she felt like she couldn’t stand any longer because she was so tired, she quietly walked into the master bedroom. Shedding her boots, glasses, jeans and bra before crawling into bed next to James. She would have probably latched onto his side if he wasn’t so hurt, but she wanted to be close to him. To ensure that he was there, real, and wasn’t going anywhere. Also, in case he needed anything. “Awe shit I forgot the water…” She groaned to herself, tossing the covers aside to get him a glass. He’d probably have cottonmouth from the morphine when he woke and would need it. Trudging back in she set the water on his side, and then walked back around the bed. Settling on her side. She closed her eyes, focusing on James’s breathing, before she finally let sleep take her.
“Aye, easy. Yes…” He was just beginning to murmur things on repeat now. James really didn’t want to pass out yet, trying to get his thoughts together and his mind under control to ask her if she was alright, to ensure that she would be fine. It was hard to concentrate on himself even if he was extremely tired and sore. He didn’t want to leave her alone, so he was struggling as the lull of sleep was nearly suffocating him.
To prove just how out of it he was, he couldn’t even mutter a cheeky comment about her rustling through his pockets. Oh yes, he was definitely out of it. Don’t close yer eyes yet, James. Not yet. The touch to his cheek helped him open those eyes just a little bit, finding her face in the dim. An arm tiredly moved so he could gently take hold of her wrist as he leaned into her touch. His mind was teetering on the edge of wondering if this was real or not. Truth be told, having a sexy doctor tend to your wounds could easily be a fantasy, just saying.
As she leaned against his forehead, he sighed gently in contentment, that hand traveling up to rest against the side of her face. His head was suddenly flooded with a million things to say, to ask about, but he couldn’t voice them. Not yet. ‘I’ll be here when you wake up.’ “Promise me…” he said before his eyes were drifting closed and there was no way he had the strength to open them again. After that, he wasn’t aware of anything.
It would be a few hours before he stirred. The sun was already peaking up and over the horizon, and he was hotwired to wake up, technically hours ago. Whatever she had given him had knocked him out almost immediately and he had rested, falling into a deep sleep. A slumber he didn’t often get. Yet, as with most good things, they didn’t last.
He was dreaming. Sometimes he never dreamed of anything, sometimes they were so vivid and felt so real that he woke up in a panic.
He was on a boat this time, during a nighttime storm. He was younger, perhaps ten years old as the heavy rain pelted down on his face and his small body was sliding all along the deck. His throat was sore from screaming, calling out for his father who was struggling with the rigging. Arden Bishop looked his way with a sad smile...until a large wave crashed onto the deck of the ship, and the man was suddenly gone. A young James was rushing forward before he began to fall. Suddenly, he was face first on the floor. A carpet. There was something warm and sticky on his hands. Blood. Agent Bishop climbed to his knees, gazing around at the piles and piles of bodies in the room before realizing some of them were familiar. There was Shane...Elliot...his mother and Juliet. What the fuck was happening? The door burst open, and black clad men dragged a battered Helina in...and just behind her, he spotted a pair of bright, venomous eyes. A woman’s eyes that he unfortunately knew all too well but she remained shrouded in shadow. Her arm rose, a pistol in her hand, the barrel pressed harshly to the back of Lina’s head.
James woke up to the sound of a bang, jolting too quickly upright and regretting it immediately. Pain shot through his side as he growled out in frustration, his blue eyes wide and wild as his mind tried to discern what was real and what wasn’t.
Lina had fallen into a deep sleep as well, though unlike James she hadn’t dreamed. She’d only been floating in the void, minding her own business. She was only brought out of her sleep when she felt a jolt right next to her, could faintly hear a growl. She murmured in her sleep before she slowly came too. I don’t have a dog, why is there growling? She wondered before she felt the space next to her shifting, and then memories of last night slammed into her. James. He’d been shot, had a knife wound on his shoulder, they had to leave. James knew Uncle. Kit. James was Kit.
“Hey,” she said hoarsely as she struggled to sit up, placing a hand on his forearm. “Jay, calm down.” She said softly, rubbing her eyes with her other hand as she scooted up and rested against the headboard. She rubbed the sleep away before she gently placed a hand on James’ back. “Lay back down, rest. You’re okay.” She said gently, growing concerned with his panic now that she could see it. She could feel how fast he was breathing from the way his body moved under her hand. “James, look at me.” She was turning, standing up on her knees. She still wore her t-shirt and giant sweater, that hit her mid thigh, but she had a bad case of bed head with her hair sticking up in an odd angle out of her braid.
If he looked at her, she’d gently touch his face looking him in the eyes. “Just a dream.” She told him gently, thinking that was what had caused him to be in such a panic.
He was completely confused, unable to recall where he was right away. It made the panic worse, even more so when he heard another's voice and felt movement beside him. James twisted and it tugged on the wound at his side, sending a shot of pain through every damn nerve. He nearly doubled over, and now it throbbed, but luckily he hadn't torn any of the stitches.
Helina. She was there. Lina was right there. Those blue eyes were trying to focus and she was trying to urge him to look at her. This time, he carefully shifted so that he was facing her a little more, his heart pounding wildly inside his chest, ready to burst forth.
He hated this. It happened so often, when a nightmare felt so real that it took minutes to come down from the frantic high. Yet when those blue eyes found Lina's face, the reality was breaking through the fog of what was false, and he finally realized she was fine. Glancing down at his hands, there was no blood coating them either. It was just a dream. "Lina…" he stammered out, his throat dry and his voice shaken and hoarse.
She was alright. Everyone else was alright. He had to calm down.
Grabbing the hand she held to his face, he pressed a quick kiss to the inside of her wrist, feeling that she was real and solidifying it even more before he moved to lazily lean back against the pillow. James tried to calm and breathe but it would take him a moment. All he could hear was the echoing sound of that fired gun. He still held her hand and involuntarily squeezed it while his attention drifted up to the ceiling. Still tired, he knew he wasn't falling back asleep any time soon. "Just...a fever dream…" Jay was saying this more to himself than anything. "I'm sorry." And that was directed at her, and something he was apparently saying a lot since their reunion. He was struggling to even look at her now because there was so much resting in the air between them and he had no answers. No matter how much he thought about it, he didn't understand why the agency would want her dead, and he was afraid he wouldn't be able to fix it.
He was thinking about his dream again, how Danica managed to destroy everything and everyone he held dear. What was so scary about it was that she could do it if she wanted to. She had the means, had the manpower, and it scared him. James walked away knowing it was a possibility, but he walked away from them without hesitation. There was no choice. He wasn't going to pull that trigger.
Shakily sitting up almost as soon as he had laid down, as soon as those memories and thoughts nagged at him, he was shifting to embrace her while she knelt there. Arms slipped around her waist where he just buried his face into her neck; feeling her warmth, inhaling her scent and simply knowing she was there. It didn't matter if things were different now between them, he just needed this. Just for a moment.
Lina had the sudden urge to try and comfort him as he said her name. She didn’t know what he had dreamed about but it had surely shaken him. “I’m here, I’m real.” She told him gently. The kiss he pressed into the inner part of her wrist sent her nerves on fire up her arm. As if he was reminding her that he was real too, as well as there. James was here. They were both here, and despite the shitty circumstances, she really was happy to see him again.
She kept hold of his hand as he laid back down, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Just a dream.” She said in agreement, her free hand went out to brush his hair gently as he stared at the ceiling. Her heart was clenching at seeing him like this, but she knew it would pass. Usually it was her in his position sometimes. Sometimes when the night her mother died would come back to haunt her. “It’s a dream, James, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay.” She said gently. She felt like she was talking to a skittish animal. Trying to calm it down. James was certainly skittish, and she didn’t know if she wanted in that head of his or not. To try and calm him down, to try and soothe away whatever was ailing him. There was a part of her that wanted to fix whatever was troubling him so much that it nearly shocked her. Help him. A voice in her head wailed to her, but she didn’t know how.
For her, just knowing someone else was there was enough. To know she wasn’t alone, she often called Marie or Uncle in the middle of a panic attack or after waking up just to center her to the present. James was sitting back up suddenly, and she opened her mouth to try and tell him to lay back down, but he was pulling her into his arms. She felt his breath on her neck while he held her, and Lina wrapped her arms around him on instinct. How many times had she thought about being in his arms again since San Diego? It seemed so much longer than just a few days, and her body shuddering slightly against his while she rubbed his back gently. Turning her head to rest against his, her other hand came up to gently thread into his hair, gently stroking the strands. If this was what he needed of her, she’d give it to him.
She slowly lowered herself down, being mindful of his injuries as she slowly turned herself so she still had James in her arms but could rest against the headboard. She rubbed his back gently, trailing her fingers gently across his tense muscles, coaxing him to relax while she murmured softly in his ear. Telling him he was okay, and that they were safe. That she was very much so real and that he needed to just rest. Her hand in his hair rested on his nape then she turned her head to press a kiss onto his temple. “It’s okay sweetheart, you’re okay. It wasn’t real.” She murmured.
Maybe this was a dream. And if it was, he wasn’t willing to wake up from it anytime soon, if ever. He’d gladly forget his woes and the rest of the world just to stay in this very moment for however long it was possible.
But it wasn’t a dream. This was real, and that in and of itself should have been a beautiful thought and yet it just worried him. Because it wasn’t so simple as just laying here with her. He couldn’t. He had to keep her safe, get her somewhere so that she could have a life that she deserved. A life that was so swiftly pulled out from underneath her. A life that didn’t involve him and the hell that was the agency because that’s all he seemed to bring with him now. His breath ceased in his throat, that idea hitting him harder while he was in this moment of vulnerability. Lina deserved so much better than this. He didn’t need to know her for years to understand that.
And yet, she remained there with soft words and gentle touches, slowly bringing him down to earth with her, beginning to calm him even more. James finally began to breathe properly, which helped ease the pain in his side somewhat. He kept his arms around her as she leaned them back and he rested his head against her shoulder, careful of his side. He wasn’t lying on his injured arm, so he was fine, and he wasn’t keen to let her go just yet anyway. It was almost as though he feared he’d not be able to do this again if he let go now. Just a little while longer, it was all he asked for.
James was quiet for a few minutes, just relishing in the sensation of her trailing fingers across his skin, calming him further and causing goosebumps to rise. Finally, his heart was beating normally and his eyes were clear, staring out the windows at the forest surrounding them. It was quiet and peaceful, and he prayed that it remained that way.
“I wish...I knew why this was happenin’,” he finally spoke up quietly. “It shouldn’t be...and I’m still sorry for it. At least they chose the right agent.” It was meant to be humorous but he couldn’t even smile. He felt cold again, knowing that she might be dead right now if the agency hadn’t chosen him, the one with a heart who had allowed himself to get too close to a target. Far too close. “But, yer uncle and I...we’ll fix it. Somehow. You’ll get yer life back, Lina.” And that was a promise. He apparently already fulfilled his last one by keeping her safe from Steven this go around.
Lina just relaxed, resting her cheek on top of James' head, continuing her gentle touches as she finally felt him calm down and they laid in the silence. Her eyes drifted close and for a moment she thought she was going to lull herself back to sleep, the warmth of James pressed and resting against her was calming to her. She felt that safe feeling again and her tired body was requesting sleep once more.
James' quiet soft voice pulled her out however and her eyes fluttered open to glance down at him. He was apologizing again, and there was that word again. Agent. Was James Bishop an Agent of Chaos? It sure as heck felt like it. He’d been nothing but chaos since she met him, but it was the good kind of chaos. The chaos that claimed her own. Still, she had questions. But she wanted to wait until Elliot got to them before she asked. James needed rest, not to answer a million things.
She couldn’t help but tense as he said they’d sent the right one. If they hadn’t sent James would she be in a body bag now? Would she be dead in San Diego or somewhere else. That thought had the blood draining from her face and one burning question that she really wanted to know. Why hadn’t he pulled the trigger?
“....You’ll get your life back Lina.” There was a foreboding feeling then. Lina knew the answer, and she didn’t want to acknowledge it. There would be no getting her life back. At least not her old one. Her life was forever changed the moment James walked into her life. And there was that other little thought she’d tucked away. That other thing she didn’t want to think about, because if there was a possibility of it happening, then it wasn’t just Lina’s life that was getting affected. She didn’t want to bring it up, for fear of upsetting James, and he really didn’t need the “yeah so we didn’t use protection in San Diego and it was too late for me to take the morning after when I realized….” talk. Later. When he was healed up and better, and then maybe they wouldn’t be in as much of a pickle.
Her arms tightened around him and she chuckled softly, it was a bit sad sounding. “Let’s be honest James, if I do get my life back, it won’t be the same.” She murmured. It wasn’t accusatory by any means, she was just stating the facts. She held him tightly afraid he’d disappear on her and she pressed her face into his hair, breathing his scent in. Letting it calm her down. It was the honest truth, and Lina preferred honesty over anything else. “Why didn’t you do it…” she found herself asking before she could stop herself. But that burning question needed to be answered. She reached down to cup his cheek, gently tilting his head up towards her so she could look into his eyes. “Why didn’t you…” Why didn’t you kill me? She thought the rest of what she couldn’t say out loud. If James was an agent who made killing his job, then why hadn’t he done it? Had that been why he’d been in San Diego in the first place? To meet and off her? “Did we meet purely by chance or were you there to….” Do the job? Her voice was quiet and there was a bit of fear in her eyes. Afraid of what he would say. Yes, Lina, we met because I was going to kill you. And yet, he hadn’t. Had something happened to change his mind? She recalled their last day together, that night that they had shared. Hell, she still had the marks he’d left on her body. Had that been a part of the job? But the strong connection she had with him screamed at her otherwise. She needed to know. She needed to know if he felt the same thing she did. Her thumb rubbed over his cheek gently as she searched his eyes. “One more question,” she said with a slight quirk of her lips. “Answer honestly,” she said, growing serious. “Do you feel it too?” She whispered using her finger to motion between the two of them so he would understand what she was getting at.
He should have just kept his mouth shut.
The tension was there again and he couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t relax. Even though her fingers and her warmth soothed him, and he could probably fall asleep this way if he allowed it, he couldn’t.
‘...it won’t be the same.’ No, it wouldn’t. And that could either be a good or bad thing, but he hadn’t known her life. It had appeared as though she had something decent, maybe it was even good or perfect. And ACIS decided to ruin it with a single text message. And why? That was the question that wouldn’t leave him alone and would surely drive him insane. It did little to ease that guilt, but she still held onto him and didn’t let him go...perhaps she really didn’t blame him. That was just something he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. Although she laughed, he barely cracked a smile, because he wished none of this had happened or that he could give her that normalcy back.
‘Why didn’t you do it?’ Why didn’t he kill her?
Lina was actually asking that question and it made him stop breathing, causing his entire body to tense up. He wanted to tell her it was because he wasn’t a monster, or that he didn’t kill women, that he had better morals than that. But it wasn’t the truth. Neither were the truth and he didn’t want her to know this, or any of it. There was blood on his hands and he was, for some reason, terrified of her knowing about it...but how was he to answer this?
She was making him look at her, and it was her following question that made his gut twist into knots because it killed him that she would think it. It was logical, though, it made sense why she would believe it. And he couldn’t blame her. All of this had seemed too good to be true, like the agency had toyed with him as well. James was quick to shake his head and answer that the moment her words trailed off in insinuation, “No.” Carefully, he leaned up on his elbow so that he could look at her better, praying the array of emotion he felt was more clear through his eyes. “No, I didn’t know. I woke up to you gone...and the order from them. I looked...everywhere for you...” But she had been gone, and there had been so many people in between them from that moment on.
Tired eyes watched her carefully, preparing himself for whatever this next question was...yet there was no preparing for it. At all. The answer was yes. Of course it was, but he couldn’t seem to say it because of everything else holding him back. It wasn’t as simple as a yes or a no.
His eyes drifted away first before he slowly turned from her. Still wary of his condition, James didn’t rise up from the bed as he had intended to, but he did shift so that he could sit on the edge; an arm cradling his abdomen as his other hand ran down his face.
“I...had told you...that it was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have- I knew better than to-” Now, he was fumbling for words, struggling to make sense of them and explain to her. “This is exactly why I can’t get close.” His voice was strained again and he was growing angry at himself, unable to look at her still. “I wish I could be tellin’ you that I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t known you first...but it’s not true. I might have.” His throat was closing up and he wouldn’t be surprised if she was trying to get away now. “The things...I’ve done, Lina...fer them...I’m not good. I’m not a good person.” Slowly he turned his head to look over his shoulder, only daring to catch her in his peripheral if she was even still there. “But you...you did somethin’ to me, offered me a glimpse of somethin’ I don’t deserve. You broke me. I don’t know how, but you did.” And he was a complete mess because of it, yet he’d do it all over again if he had to.
James tensed in Lina’s arms. She could feel the tension beneath her fingertips and the way his body was pressed against hers. He sat up, shaking his head no at her. The relief almost had her shaking that it had been pure chance they had met. She could see the emotions in his eyes. The war within himself. “I...had to go… I couldn’t stay...I….” She let a small sigh out as she looked at him. “I would have stayed.” She said barely above a whisper as she looked at him. Remembering the morning she’d left and how every nerve in her body screamed at her to stay.
He was sitting up then, moving away from her, and she felt like she’d been punched in the gut. All air knocked from her lungs. She firmly believed if he had been able to, he would have walked away. She was afraid then. Afraid he would deny what was between them. That it was only her. That only she had the feelings. No James, look at me. Don’t turn away. She wanted to tell him. Instead she sat there watching him as he closed in on himself.
He was slowly explaining things to her then. That he had warned her, that it would have been a bad idea. Because of his real life? It was her fault. She’d called him a chicken. Pushed him to do it because she selfishly wanted to feel alive and the feel that fire that burned between them. She could hear the strain of anger in his voice and for a moment she thought he was angry at her for putting him in this situation. But….he hadn’t stopped her. He could have just let her go. She had left the ball in his court, and he chose to have that with her. His next words had her sucking in a quiet breath. I might have. How narrow was that line that Lina walked in San Diego, what if she hadn’t gone with James to the carnival, or done anything? Her life had literally been a thin line between multiple choices. Somebody was looking out for her in making the right ones, because here they were. They couldn’t go back and change the past and she didn’t want to think of what could have happened.
She found herself sitting up more as he said he was a bad person. That he was no good. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and began to stand taking a deep breath. She turned and began to walk around it, seeing him look over his shoulder at her. His next words were all she really needed to know. She did something to him, and he did something to her. She began to move, seeming like she was going to leave the room, but she only walked around the bed until she was standing in front of him, and she looked down at him with a frown. As if a sudden change had happened to her, she got down in front of him, moving between his knees so she could rest her arms on his thighs as she stared at him with those dark eyes of hers.
“Listen to me, James Bishop,” she started. Her voice was quiet, calm, despite the hurricane of feelings going on in her in those moments. “I don’t know all of what your work involved. I don’t know if I want to know. I can never come to understand what it was like. You might have done some terrible things to people because you were told to, but don’t you dare, tell me you are not a good person.” She all but fumed. Her eyes hardening. “I’ve seen the devil twice. I was raised by him for half my life and I was married to him. I know a bad person when I see one, and you-” she rested her hands on his thighs and gave them a slight squeeze. “Are not a bad person. A bad person doesn’t try to help a woman through a panic attack. Doesn’t go running away from clowns in a carnival. Heck, wouldn’t even be caught dead at a carnival. I know we haven’t known each other long, James, but I feel like I know you.” She reached up to take his face between her hands, making him look at her if he wasn’t already.
“I might have broken you, but you made me live. And apparently we gave each other the same non-deserving feelings, because I was so afraid you weren’t even real. That you were even possible, you impossible Scot…” she shook her head slightly, a small smirk appearing on her face. Her face softened then as she looked at him, rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs for a few moments before she spoke again. “Whatever clusterfuck this is we’ll figure it out, James. Together. And I know I sound crazy, but I’m not leaving you again.” She whispered, before she leaned forward and crashed her lips down onto his in a fierce kiss, that hopefully would tell him her feelings. There was a connection there, and she wasn’t going to deny it. Wasn’t going to hide it. Not anymore. She needed him like she needed air. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt whole whenever he was around. Like real Lina, and she needed him desperately. The idea of him leaving her was nearly terrifying, and not something she wanted to think about.
“Now, get your ass in that bed more and relax, or so help me I will drug you until Elliot gets here.” She murmured against his lips, pulling away. Her tone meant she was serious, and she didn’t think he’d like being loopy for three days.
What would have happened if she had stayed? What would she have done once she found out about the kill order, about who he was? Would she have run from him back then, just gotten up and left him like she seemed to be doing now? He caught her movements as she got off the bed before she was out of his sight, so James simply hunched forward, resting his face within his hands. Just let her go, let her deal with this however she needs to, he told himself, and he couldn’t bear to watch her go. So long as she stayed inside this house, where he knew she would be safe, he would stay away from her.
James could have stopped everything that night she knocked on his door. He could have denied her, turned her away. Regardless, at that point, he still wouldn’t have taken the job. He still would have run from the agency...but at least he wouldn’t have made this so difficult. He wouldn’t be seated here with so many conflicting emotions, being unsure on what to do with them. He wouldn’t have hurt her in whatever way he thought he had. Maybe, they could have simply been friends...not whatever this complicated thing between them now was. He didn’t understand it and felt like he was going to lose it before he could. Again.
While all these thoughts began to cloud his head, she was suddenly crouching in front of him, softly surprising him. Those blues eyes found her as she began to speak, blatantly telling him he was being a fool...just in more polite words. Sort of. She was tugging at his heart, making those emotions resurface and messing with his judgement again. He was listening to her, but he was struggling to accept any of it, to believe anything she said to be true when it went against what he believed. It was hard to find any good when it was nothing but bleakness and darkness inside his head more often than not. ‘And you are not a bad person.’ But then why did he feel like a monster?
He had to look away from her, but she didn’t allow him to. She was taking his face into her hands again, forcing him to further pay attention. Brick by brick, his walls continued to crack and fall, crumbling at his feet all over again. James was desperate to tell her she was wrong, to get her to understand that this had to end, that they had to simply concentrate on surviving this and nothing more. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t seem to get them out, not while she looked at him like that and refused to leave.
‘And I know I sound crazy, but I’m not leaving you again.’ Yes, it sounded very crazy, but there was that part of him that still clung to the idea of her, of never parting ways. How would that even be possible? Yet everything suddenly halted. Time completely slowed down when she was kissing him fiercely. It was instinct to return it, and he did with as much ferocity and passion as he could possibly muster. He didn’t want to think about not having this or not having her. It was such an inconceivable thought when he tasted her lips. It was maddening, as though it was the most foolish thing in the world to believe he should be parted from her.
None of it made sense, but he had to stop trying to find the logic in it. There was something about this woman that changed him, made him better, made him need her...and maybe there just wasn’t any logic to it at all. Perhaps that was the whole point. Not everything had rules and regulations or routine, or marching orders that had to be followed. Sometimes, things just happened whenever the fuck they wanted.
When she drew back, murmuring those words against his mouth, James was finally grinning lightly. A hand had cupped the back of her neck, beneath that messy braid as his other arm seized her by the waist. If she was trying to escape now, she’d have to really fight him on it. “Is that...a threat?” he asked, a hint of a joking tone in his voice. But that hand would drift to cup the side of her face again, blues staring at her for a long moment as his expression sobered. He had heard everything she said, and wasn’t exactly sure how to acknowledge it. Maybe he didn’t have to say anything at all. Not yet. James wasn’t sure he was ready for it because he was already teetering on the edge of falling too far down. So far down that he’d never be able to make it up again.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a light, sly grin before he was moving to go lie down...only, he was still holding onto her and dragging her with him. He was weak enough that she could easily pull away, but he was going to try anyway. “You don’t...threaten a former Royal Marine, lass. I’m a bloody secret agent!” A soft wince when that side wound gave him pain, he was flopping back down against the pillow. “Can’t go anywhere or drug anybody if yer held hostage.”
There he was. There was the James she liked to see. That stupid grin of his that she didn’t realize she had been missing, even if it was light. It brought her own small smile to her lips as he essentially locked her into place, and normally she wouldn’t complain. In fact she’d have no qualms about laying in bed with him. Doing what they should have done that morning in San Diego before she’d left. “Maybe.” She threw back at him with a slightly raised brow. She fired it right back at him on instinct. Unable to help herself.
She leaned into his touch slightly as he cupped the side of her face, and then the two of them seemed to stare at each other for a moment. He was thinking about something. She could see it in his eyes, and his face softened as he looked at her. There was that sly grin again and her brow just arched higher as he laid back down, however he was taking her with him. “Ooooooh no you don’t.” She told him, but it was hard not to giggle. “I”m a doctor, I’ll do any sort of threatening if it's for your health.” She told him. Making sure her body wasn’t fully on his, and minding his gunshot side so she wasn’t laying on it. She saw his wince and frowned at him.
She was relieved to see some of his old self back, but she wondered if he was doing it for more for her sake. Still…“Who says I’m held hostage?” She asked. Being careful she leaned up to give him a slow kiss. “Who says you're not my hostage?” She murmured against his lips as a smirk appeared on her face. Lina deepened the kiss before cupping the sides of his face, before her hands wandered to find where his hands were and once she had them, she pulled them off of her to move between them. She pulled away from the kiss then, placing kisses on his knuckles. “I do need to check your bandages. Because someone doesn't like to sit still.” As much as she would like to just lay there with him, he really did need his rest as well as his injuries relooked at. She gave him a pointed look before she pulled completely away. She moved quick then, so he couldn’t grab her as she rolled off the bed and darted out of the room. A few seconds later she came in with her arms full of what she’d laid out the night before and set it on the foot of the bed before she was coming back over. She handed him some pain meds before handing him the glass of water she’d set out from him the night before. She then grabbed her stethoscope and came and sat on the edge, placing it on his chest so she could listen to his heart. Nothing abnormal there, which she was glad for. She moved it down then over to the area of his abdomen wound and listened for any abnormal sounds. Content that there wasn’t anything there shouldn’t be, she went to work peeling back the bandages.
It had bled a little, but that was normal. She was mostly happy the stitches held unlike they had on his shoulder and she quickly redressed it. She would answer any medical questions James had to the best of her ability before she checked his shoulder. Once that was taken care of she cleaned up the old bandages and meds. While out in the kitchen she undid her braid and began running her fingers through it as she padded back into the room. “Any request for breakfast? We don’t have much, but I’ll come up with something.” She asked. Crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll also allow you to move to the living room but you gotta promise not to leave the couch.” She told him. She had the inkling that James would go stir crazy if he was stuck in the bedroom all day.
There was a lot he didn't say, a lot he could have said but didn't want to. It would have brought them around in circles and he wasn't well or awake enough for that. He would have softly argued, but maybe being selfish and trying to believe he was this good man she claimed him to be was just the best thing he could do right now. Especially because she was smiling and giggling again, and it allowed him to kiss her.
'Who says you're not my hostage?' Ooh, touche, Helina. She was probably lucky that too much movement irritated the gun wound, because she might have found herself in trouble. The good kind of trouble. At least, he could satiate that hunger with his lips against hers, kissing her deeply and with a need he still didn't think should be there, in a closeness he didn't think he deserved. But he couldn't seem to stop, nor was she stopping him. She'd be having to pry one of his hands out from beneath her shirt that wandered up her back, and for the most part he didn't protest. The more he woke up, the worse the pain got, even if she was a nice distraction with those long legs just bare to the world.
Thank God he was injured. It would be so difficult to behave right now.
Funny how swiftly his mood changed, and it was always because of her. She drew him out of those dark thoughts and back into the light. With her. Somehow, she always brought him back to her, willingly.
"Yer gonna find...that I do not listen verra well." He figured he should at least warn her, his mouth curled into an amused grin. This time in particular, however, he would be a good patient. James knew that the sooner he was on the mend, the sooner he'd be able to better protect them. Three days were on the clock, and if Elliot didn't return…
No, Elliot would be here. He wasn't going to let his thoughts spiral again.
So he concentrated on her, watching her quietly as she worked. Right now, he should be feeling sad that her life was flipped upside-down, but it was also hard while he felt incredibly thankful for it. Perhaps that was a horrible thought, but it brought her back into his life, and he wished she could remain. It was going to be so much harder to let her go again…
The idea killed him even more when she returned from cleaning up all the supplies. She was a beautiful, softly disheveled mess, and it seized his breath immediately. Ever so slowly, and carefully, he slipped off the bed. She mentioned breakfast and something about the couch but he wasn't acknowledging any of it. Bright eyes were focused solely on her as the distance between them was closed. Just one more kiss and he'd be a good patient for the rest of the day.
"If I can't have you…" he started, taking her face within his hands. Slanting his mouth down hard against hers in a slow, drugging kiss, there came that airy growl from within his throat when he managed to pull himself away. "Then I'll have whatever," he murmured. He wasn't picky.
Grinning, he moved back to the bed just to pull one of the blankets off and wrap it around his shoulders before slowly moving out to the living room. He would definitely get stir crazy, but it would probably happen no matter where he rested.
Dark eyes narrowed in on James as he got out of bed and began to walk towards her slowly. She wanted to yell at him to just stay, to lay in bed until after breakfast to give him more time to rest, but he had said he didn’t listen very much and she already believed him. He was going to drive her up a wall. In more ways than one. If not for his injuries and the bandages, Lina would have no complaints from the view she had of him walking up to her, and she was quietly reminded of how capable James really was.
She shivered as he took her face in his hands, knowing he’d rather have her, took whatever remnants of sleep away before her body became acutely aware of him, and the kiss he was currently giving her. Her hands gently rested on his hips, wanting to hook her fingers in his belt loops and pull him closer but those damn injuries...she’d have to behave. Kisses would have to suffice for now until he was healed. She groaned softly into his lips before he was pulling away. There was that damn grin again, and boy if it didn’t make her weak in the knees whenever she saw it.
“I’ll see what we have.” She murmured back as she let her fingers slide off of his hips and then watched him go get a blanket. She had to cover her mouth as the small giggle bubbled up. He looked rather adorable with his bed head, moving slowly, and wrapped in a blanket. She wasn’t going to complain though if it meant he’d rest. She led the way out into the living room, over to the large sectional and began tossing pillows aside to make room for him. She then turned to where their bags were and picked them up and went and put them in the bedroom to be dealt with later.
She waited until he was situated before she wandered to the kitchen and began to look at what they had. She’d brought eggs, there was some bread… she wanted to start him out with bland foods at least for today. The bullet thankfully hadn’t gotten anything vital but she didn’t want to risk it and rich foods would be hell on his gut. So it looked like he was getting eggs and toast, and whatever meat she could find in the freezer.
She filled up the sink with warm water and began to hum as she worked, and then she just started to sing to fill sound space, thinking James might enjoy it. She put the wrapped ham she found in the freezer in the warm water to defrost it a bit, wiggling it around. “We don’t have cell service out here, just as a heads up.” She spoke up, remembering she should probably tell him. “There is a landline though, so hopefully we’ll get a call from Uncle on when to expect him.” She said. She was trying to be optimistic, as much as she could. Thinking that nothing would go wrong and that they’d be okay. That Uncle would be okay.
For the moment, he was in a decent mood. In truth, he was still very tired but it was that kind of tired where your mind wouldn't stop or slow down and your body was unable to follow. He was sluggish. After a day, he would probably get antsy because James Bishop wasn't the type to sit idle. Even when he was waiting for that other job (which shall not be named), he was always doing something, always dragging her some place, always moving. Sitting still was hard for him because it was something that didn't feel right anymore. As an agent who was often "hunting" another person, he knew that remaining idle was a death sentence. He just had to remember this was a safehouse. They were okay to remain idle. For now.
He took his time walking towards the couch, probably looking completely ridiculous wrapped up in a blanket but he obviously didn't care. He was also cold now that he was out of bed and she wasn't in his arms. Maybe he should have brought the All-Seeing One out to snuggle with. He wondered, for a moment, if the silly thing was even still in his suitcase as he carefully sat down, leaning back with a sigh. He wanted to shower, and after scratching his face to realize the scruff had grown a bit more, he wanted to shave. But now that he sat down, he didn't want to move. No, the couch was good. This was good for now.
That renewed vigor he'd had minutes ago was slowly beginning to fade again as he tiredly drifted his gaze over to her; her singing breaking the silence of the cabin. His head rested back against the couch and he simply watched her again. Was this what a normal life could be like? You know, minus the bullet holes and knife wounds all over his body. Was this what he could have were he a completely different person? One he thought worthy of her, of this?
"Alright," he told her after she spoke. At the mention of Elliot, he recalled some of the things he had mentioned. There was a secret room in here, a stash of weapons...things Lina didn't know about. James suddenly wanted to take a look, but he didn't want her knowing about them yet. They were finally in a place where the fear and unknown weren't looming over them as much, and temporarily forgotten. He wanted her to stay this way for a little longer. Also, she might kill him if he got up again. He'll take a look later.
"Did you always want to grow up to be someone pullin' bullets out of people?" he found himself asking quietly with a tired smirk. Despite how, ahem, close they had gotten, he hadn't asked her too many things about her life. James had stopped himself numerous times to avoid getting too close.
Lina glanced over her shoulder at him from the sink at his question and she shrugged. “I didn’t want to be pulling bullets out of people.” She said with a small smile. “I wanted to help people sure,” She sighed, turning back to the ham. Wiggling it around just a bit more so it would defrost just a bit faster. “I used to help patch my mom up.” She said quietly. She pulled the ham out, getting too impatient to wait for it before she began to unwrap it.
“I liked taking care of her. I felt good to help her in that way when I couldn’t really…” There was a pause and she shook her head slightly to clear away the image of her dad. “Help with anything else.” She finished. Had Lina tried to help protect her mother during one of dad’s acts of “appreciation.” Lina probably would have gotten hurt herself or ended up dead. She clenched her jaw as she took a knife to pry apart the frozen ham slices and then ran them under more warm water before she tossed them in a pan.
“I guess I knew when I was little that I wanted to be a nurse, but it wasn’t until she died I knew I wanted to be a doctor.” Lina said, glancing over at him. She wanted to be the one to do the saving. To save people from the brink of death, like she wished she would have been able to do for her mother. “It lets me get away with being bossy.” She said in amusement as she looked over at him. He looked rather cute all bundled up over there, and Lina was pretty sure he’d be out in maybe another hour if she had to guess. She thought about slipping him some more morphine for his pain, but she didn’t think he’d take too kindly to it, even if it was just a small dose to let him sleep for a few more hours. He was going to want something for the pain though and Ibuprofen was not going to cut it. Not with a bullet hole in his gut.
Lina focused on making breakfast then, frying up the ham slices, popping the bread in the toaster and scrambling up eggs. Once she was done and had it served up, she walked up behind the sectional and handed James his plate. She then got him a glass of water and set it on the coffee table. She then came and sat on the edge of the couch beside him, fixing him with a look he was going to realize was her “bossy doc” look. “I want to give you something for the pain. It’ll help you sleep more. I won’t give you a lot, just enough to take the edge off.” She told him. The stern look she gave him quickly turned to concern and her eyes softened as she looked at him. She didn’t like seeing him like this. “I will dutifully stay by your side while you sleep, and be there when you wake up.” She told him. Knowing the agent in him wouldn’t want to be out for long, and want her close by. “With as injured as you are, I can promise you I won’t be leaving the house.” She told him reassuringly as she picked up a slice of toast and started nibbling on it.
The smirk returned at her reply as he simply rested there; half laying down but still somewhat propped up against the back of the couch. Oh yes, he felt like he could probably sleep again, finding this spot to be a lot more comfortable than he had anticipated, but he was trying to avoid it. At least until he was able to eat, then he’d think about it. He was still worried about sleeping too much. James would remain stationary if he had to, if that would make her feel better, but he couldn’t sleep the whole day away.
He also wasn’t sure what would happen in three days. What if they had to part ways again, and for forever? He needed this time with her. He needed as much time as he could get while this strange, selfish feeling lasted.
That small grin would fade though when she mentioned her mother. Lina hadn’t mentioned her except briefly one time...but with how the mood changed and the words she spoke, he was beginning to understand things a bit more. Her father hadn’t just abused her and her sister, and perhaps that should have been obvious. And he didn’t want to ask what had happened, although he was easily assuming things now. Soon, she was attempting to lighten the mood the conversation had gone, and offered a light, sleepy grin. “I’ve been under the impression...that you haven’t needed an excuse to be bossy…” His lips quickly pressed together as though he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He was chuckling lightly then- she wouldn’t hit him, because he was injured. He was sure of it.
James was close to dozing off again when she brought the food over, and he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until that moment. He had barely eaten anything the last couple of days and was grateful for this. Murmuring his thank you before he began to eat, he carefully sat up just a little bit more but was still somewhat lazily lying back. Just not enough to make it a choking hazard. He was lifting some more eggs to his mouth, where he stopped halfway upon seeing the “bossy look” she was throwing at him. What now?
Well, he knew this was coming. She’d have him drugged and knocked out 24 hours a day if he allowed it. James let out a long sigh, chewing that bite of egg while he thought about it. Arguing would probably get him nowhere, and again, he trusted Elliot to have built this place like a damn fortress. After a moment, he finally spoke. “Not a lot,” he repeated her own words to verify. “Please. I’ll be a good patient, I promise…” He flashed her a slight grin. “But I’ve been worse than this, understand. I can deal with a little pain.” At times, he’s had to actually deal with a lot worse when he didn’t have access to proper painkillers. “Just...if I do pass out...make sure you have Elliot’s gun near you. At all times.” For some reason, her toast looked a lot tastier, so he reached out to try and snag it from her as she was taking that bite.
Lina’s head went up and down, in agreement. “Not a lot.” She confirmed. He grinned at her, and she gave him a small smile while she chewed on that toast. She reaaaaallly didn’t need to know he’d been far worse than this. Imagining him far worse? It turned the toast she was eating into sawdust in her mouth, and she felt sick. What sort of life did James live that he’d had far worse than a bullet to the gut?
“I don’t like knowing you're in pain…” She said softly, averting her eyes for the moment. She didn’t realize how terrified she had been last night. Seeing, and knowing it was James she was pulling that bullet out of had shaken her more to her core than she thought possible. She never wanted to have to go through that again. But she also knew, she’d patch him back up in a heartbeat if she could be the one to save him.
She turned her eyes back to him as he asked her to make sure she kept Elliot’s gun next to her. She scoffed then, and then lifted her toast out of his reach. “You have your own!” She scolded, even though there was a smile on her face. “I don’t need Uncle's gun,” She told him. She took another bite of the toast before she set it on his plate. She was losing her appetite with remembering last night. “I have my own, I can use just fine.” She gave him a pointed look before she stabbed a piece of egg and brought it to her mouth. “I did bring it with me.” She chewed on it, making herself eat even though she really didn’t want to. She didn’t want James worrying about her when he needed to rest.
Lina ate as much as her stomach would let her, before she stood up and would take their plates and go put them in the kitchen, before she grabbed the morphine and needle. She came back and tightened an elastic to his upper arm to cut off his circulation for the moment, and then drew then used the syringe to take out the small amount she promised to him. “Not a lot.” she said holding it up so he could see with his own eyes. She’d wait for him to hold his arm out for her, or would pull it towards her herself if he didn’t. After injecting him with it, she’d put the meds away before she came back, pulling the blanket up under his chin and essentially tucked him in before she ran her hand through his hair. Sleep, I’ll be here.” She murmured before kissing his forehead. To prove to him that she was staying put, she stretched out on the space next to him, wrapping an arm carefully around his middle, and rested her head on his shoulder.
He chuckled softly as he was denied the toast, deciding to eat his own instead. His expression would soften a little, though, when she confessed she hated seeing him in pain. He hated being in pain, yet he wouldn’t voice it. Who really did, anyway? “I’ll be alright,” he quietly reassured her. “I’ve got you here.” James wasn’t just saying that to ease any worry, even if it eased some of his own. She’d look after him, and he’d do his best to keep returning the favor. Not that he planned on getting banged up again as to need medical attention, but...one never knew in this line of work.
That smirk reappeared when she stated she had her own gun, even knew how to use it. He had gathered that much, but still rose both brows up in gesture to show that he was impressed. “Yer ahead of the game then. You’ll be my own guardian angel.” Perhaps, if time ever allowed, he’d see how well she could fire an actual gun and not some silly carnival one. It also probably shouldn’t have, but the mere idea of it deepened that lingering attraction. So sue him.
He ate whatever he was able to stomach, which wound up being more than he thought. That was promising, no? He still couldn’t stay awake as much as he wanted, however, and he knew the morphine was only going to make him drowsier. But he’d relent; settling back to lay out a bit more comfortably and willingly offering up his arm. He only sighed a little in protest. Just a little bit. It was easier to stay calm and give in to sleep when she was carefully curling up beside him. His one arm slipped beneath her shoulders and curled around her waist to keep her securely there. Once he was fully asleep, she’d probably be able to sneak away if she wanted to, but until then, she was his hostage. He’d need that warmth and comfort to assure himself it was okay to drift off, even for a short while.
After a couple of minutes, he felt the drug really begin to kick in and his eyelids were getting heavy. He rested his head atop hers where he pressed a light kiss, voice low and groggy as his voice gently broke the quiet, “I wish...that I could always...have you here.” James barely realized he said anything and probably wouldn’t remember it whenever he woke up. He was essentially confessing he wanted her around, in his life, but didn’t think he’d be so fortunate enough for it to happen. It was that thing he “wasn’t allowed”. All those “what ifs'' were plaguing him even as he smiled and joked. They were always there, and he was just waiting for her to realize she was better off. “I’d keep you, lass...I would.” Alright, drug brain, you can stop talkin’ now. It wasn’t long before he was finding sleep once again, and he wouldn’t wake up for another few hours.
Lina was focusing on the steady rhythm of James breathing as they laid there and he got comfortable. She took comfort being like this with him. With the excitement of last night and the still lingering questions, she wanted something to calm her, and that was James. He was safe. Always safe, and that feeling wasn't going anywhere.
She thought he’d finally fallen asleep when he rested his head against her and placed a kiss onto her head. It was nice, and a bit of normalcy she’d never really had even with being married to Steven. He didn’t cuddle, and really only touched her unless he wanted something. This with James? She was going to remember it, even if he was injured and she never saw him again after all this. That was a thought she didn’t want to have. When he quietly spoke, Lina was staring at the back of the couch from where her head rested. She tended at hearing his words, breath catching. He was certainly drugged, she could tell by the slight groggy slur. Still, she couldn’t help but feel he was at least being honest with her. Telling her something he wanted, which was to be with her, but didn’t know if it could happen. Her heart seized and she snuggled closer, being as careful as she could. “...I’d keep you lass, I would.” He spoke. “Then why don’t you…?” She murmured quietly. She didn’t have to think about it, she just said it. But….James was asleep. But that didn’t mean she didn’t mean it. She wanted the same thing.
“Oh, James…” she whispered softly. She rested a hand on his collar bone, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’d stay with you. For as long as you’d let me.” She spoke quietly in the silence. “I don’t know what this feeling is but you're really the only person I think I’ve ever felt completely safe with. And I met you Tuesday.” There was a slight smirk to her lips as she thought about it. She tilted her head back slightly to look at his sleeping face before she reached up to gingerly touch his face. “I need you James. Like a person needs air, I can’t explain, I just do so...dying on me isn’t allowed.” She whispered. Was she talking to herself? Nah. She was just telling the unconscious man holding her how she really felt without any qualms. Closing her eyes, she settled in against him, and it wasn’t long before Lina was dozing. Having not slept as long as she could have. She woke up later than she intended. If she had to guess it was about noon, maybe one o’clock.
She peaked up to look at James who seemed to still be asleep. Stretching against James, she placed a quick kiss to his chest and then slowly untangled herself from him. She decided to do some more cleaning, moving the laundry that had gotten started the night before to the drier and then cleaned up the breakfast mess. She padded into the master bedroom then and dug her gun out of her backpack. Keeping her promise to James to have it available at all times, before she slipped into the bathroom.
Ten minutes later she had a towel wrapped around her hair and her body. While she stepped out of the bathroom and spotted their bags. She eyed James’s suitcase, and pursed her lips. If they were on the run, he couldn’t do it with a suitcase. They had to have an extra backpack around here somewhere… she made sure her towel was good and tight, she set the gun down before she opened up the closet, up on the top shelf was an old military grade backpack that still had Elliot’s WALSH patch velcroed to it. She reached up and pulled it down. It was a bit dusty, but that wasn’t a surprise considering where it lived. She noted how heavy it was before she tossed it on the floor and it landed with a loud THUMP that startled her. Something was still in it she realized and she wandered over, holding the towel in place as she sat cross legged on the floor, and unzipped it. There was a small metal box in it, with a latch. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if she should be going through her uncle's belongings, but she was curious, and given all the secrets she’d apparently had kept from her, she wanted some answers.
She pulled it out into her lap, and then slowly unlatched it. There was a snap as the spring jumped into place against the upper lid, and she pulled it open. Her eyes went wide in surprise at what she found and her fingers shook slightly as she reached in to hold up the old photograph. It was old, worn, and looked like it had been folded up several times, and like it had lived in a wallet or a pocket before it found its way to live in the metal box. But despite the old wear and tear she recognized two of the three faces in the photo. She bit her lip and there was a small smile on her face as she stared at the much younger versions of her uncle, mom, and a woman she didn’t know. They were all leaning against the railing of a pier by the look of things. Her mom had a high poofy ponytail, wearing pink shorts and a striped top, while a clean shaved, dark haired Elliot had a rolled up white shirt and jeans with the bottoms rolled up, and the woman she didn’t recognize was wearing a bright yellow dress. Elliot stood between them with his arms around both of them, and they were all grinning at the camera. Or at least most of them. Elliot seemed to be preoccupied grinning like a mad man while he looked at the woman in the yellow dress instead of the camera. Lina flipped the picture over and had to fight tears at seeing her moms handwriting.
Katie, Elliot, and our new friend Annie
San Diego 1982
Lina set the picture aside and looked down to see a ton more, she stuck her hand in and then pulled out the next photo. She set the box on top of the bag and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs while she stared at the photo between her fingertips. Her heart broke as she stared at it.
If only he had been alert enough to have heard those words from her. Would it have made things better...or worse? Would it have made this need to remain with her more dire? He shouldn’t want it, he kept telling himself this, and yet every time he looked at her he knew how much it was going to hurt to have to let her go. It was safer for her to be away from him once this was all done. She deserved better. He was a magnet for death and destruction now, and that was no life. She had to get some sort of semblance of her old life back and continue on. He needed her to.
Yet, he still held onto her while he rested as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
James slept for a few hours, waking up slowly without being startled by nightmares this time. He had dreamed, but it had been nothing devastating or terribly vivid, and he was already forgetting them the moment his eyes opened; his gaze immediately finding the large windows and the sunlit forest outside. Lina wasn’t there at his side, she wasn’t in the rest of the living room or the kitchen. Forcing himself not to panic yet, Jay slowly sat up and tried wiping away the sleep from his face before carefully rising up from the couch. The blanket fell from his shoulders as he shuffled his way towards the bedroom. If he couldn’t shower, he at least wanted to change out of those jeans. But the moment he slowly stepped into the doorway he found her there seated on the floor; a backpack and a metal box right next to her. She was holding a piece of paper- no, a photo maybe. “Lina?” Blue eyes were still blinking away the sleep as he approached, carefully lowering himself to a knee.
He spotted that first photo right away, grinning softly at immediately recognizing the old naval officer. Except, he was young and not a grey hair in sight. “Wow, Elliot was a bit of a fox, wasn’t he?” he murmured jokingly before his eyes finally adjusted and his mind was a bit more awake to notice that something seemed off. His brow furrowed. “You alright?”
Lina rested her chin on her knee, while she looked at the photo of her mom from her graduation by the looks of things. She was so young, but she had the same dark eyes she and Marie had. The same face shape and full lips. She’d been beautiful. And her dad had killed her. Taken her from Lina and Marie. It had been sixteen years since she was gone. And yet Lina could remember her last day as if it had been yesterday.
She heard James’s voice then, and she slowly glanced over at him while he lowered himself on a knee. She watched him like a hawk to make sure he didn’t do anything that would pull out those stitches and glanced at the picture he was referring to. She picked it up and held it up to him. “My mom is in the pink shorts, and who I can only assume is my aunt is in the yellow dress.” She explained softly. “You should look at the back.” And said with a small smirk. How funny was it that Lina and James were in San Diego years later after them. She blinked some of the tears that were in her eyes away and then handed over the picture she had been looking at.
“That’s my mom.” She said softly. “I was trying to find a backpack and found Elliot’s old one, but it had this box in it.” She explained. She looked back into and went shuffling around and pulled out the next one, laughing. It was an old Polaroid and of a toddler and an infant covered from head to toe in jelly from the disaster of that was their jellied toast apparently. “Glad to know I’m not as messy as I once was.” She giggled before showing him.
Helina & Marie
Eli’s 1993
She spotted another in the box that made her heart seize and she reached down and picked it up. “Sly fox indeed, he knew how to clean up good.” She said in mild amusement but there was a sadness to her eyes as she showed James one of Elliot’s wedding photos. The same woman in the yellow dress was now wearing white and they looked at each other. The adoration that Elliot had on his face was clear. “Did he ever tell you what happened to her?” She asked quietly. Wondering how much Elliot had told his “Kit” about his life at home. She reached up adjusting the towel she had on her head as she felt it shift, before she looked sadly down at the photo. “I never knew her. Mom said she died two years before I was born.” She explained, before her eyes went up to James.
Old family photos. That’s what she was looking at, so it made sense that she’d be a little emotional over it, he supposed. James didn’t have such keepsakes, just a few photos here and there stored on his phone or the cloud. It was too risky to carry such precious things with him on the job. His mother would have all the memories that he had probably forgotten. Every now and then, Juliet would message him when she recalled something, or found a photo that had her in stitches. It was a rarity these days, and he recalled again that he hadn’t heard from her in awhile. He was going to have to make sure they were alright- maybe he could get a hold of Elliot to ask that he see if someone could, yes, go all the way to Scotland and check in on them. The old man probably already wrangled Sully into things, so Jay couldn’t easily ask him. He also didn’t want him around his sister…
“Annie…” he said quietly, fondly, as if he had actually known the woman. Truth was, he never did nor had he ever seen a photo of her before, but he knew about her because of Elliot. The sailor adored the woman, even years after her death. That much had always been so very clear, and it was admirable. Sad, but admirable. Taking the photo, he turned it around at her suggestion to notice the handwriting scribbled on the back. San Diego. That made him chuckle softly. Were he any other kind of person, he would have chalked everything up to fate, how such a small world it was...but that would simply hurt his hope again. Instead, he pushed those thoughts aside before he moved, once again sluggish and careful as he sat beside her, using the closet door to lean against for support.
Lina was handing him another photo, one that seemed to be bringing tears to her eyes, and he examined it closely. Her mother. He could tell immediately without her even having to say so. “She was beautiful,” he said, carefully placing the photo aside. “You look just like her.” Bright eyes were drifting to the box full of memories as he casually sat there on the floor with her before lifting to her face. She was completely absorbed in this task; she hadn’t even gotten dressed yet after her shower, and he was cold just looking at her. Were he not surprisingly comfortable (or too tired to care), he might have gotten up to find a shirt for himself. For her as well.
At the Polaroid, he was snatching it from her hand to get a closer look, suddenly bursting out into laughter. “This one needs to be framed. It needs to be front and center somewhere…” His eyes moved around as if trying to find an empty spot on a shelf or a wall like he was going to somehow hang it up right then and there. The next photo, and how her voice had softened, his attention was back on her and the other photograph she gazed at. It was Elliot and Annie on their wedding day, and even he felt a pang in his heart, his expression sobering immediately. “He never told me, no,” he answered her quietly, tilting his head towards her to get a better look at the photo. “But he spoke of her often. Always enamored, but...there was no denyin’ the sadness in his eyes.” For a while it actually kept James from ever wanting that, because it was a frightening thought to have something so precious, only to lose it. It was devastating. And somehow, Elliot pushed on. Never willing to try and find a love like that again. James sat up straight again, leaning his head back against the closet door. “Always wondered why he never remarried or found someone else, but after years in the agency…” He shrugged his uninjured shoulder lightly. “I think I get it.” Of course, with Elliot, James guessed that it was far more than just the agency making it impossible for such a life. That man genuinely loved and adored Annie, and in his eyes, there would never be anyone else.
Lina turned slightly to face him so he could look at the picture better. She let a sad sigh out, remembering what her mom had told her all those years ago. “Truth be told, I never actually got to see Elliot a lot as a kid. He was in the service, or-agency. I dunno. But he was never around save for once a year or something. Mom talked to him more than Marie and I did, but he would always send us a birthday card.” She rested her chin on her forearm as she rested it on top of her knee. “I asked mom one day if he had ever been married or had a family, and she’d told me he’d been married once. Annie.” She smiled softly. “She went into early labor. Her and their son passed.” She said quietly. “He would have been two years older than me.” She explained. “Mom said after she died a piece of Elliot died with her. He healed sure, but mom said Annie had been his one and only. There wasn’t a love that would ever compare to hers, so he just threw himself into work.” She glanced at James, her eyes settling on his tired face.
“Marie and I became his kids, she told me. And when Mom died, Elliot had to fly all the way in from Europe or something. He retired shortly after and was the proud guardian of two preteen girls. You can imagine how much he enjoyed that.” She smirked. “It took us months to warm up to him, but he was honestly the best.” Her smile grew. “And then, I think I was nearly out of med school when he started telling us stories about this wiley fox of a man named Kit, who he wanted to throttle every five seconds.” She began to laugh. The humor slowly died down then, as Lina did some quick math in her head, and she had a sinking realization that made her uneasy. “He didn’t retire did he? When Marie and I stayed with him. He kept working...for this agency?” She asked. That would explain his long fishing trips… What else had he lied about? Or just not told her? She wanted to be angry, to fume at all the lies. Steven had lied to her, and it was one of the things that had driven her to divorce him. But to also know that the man who’d practically been her stable father figure had also lied? The logical side of her knew it was to keep her safe. The more she didn’t know the better, but...it was scary. The whole situation was scary.
She finally realized how cold it was getting down on the ground and picked up the picture and put them back in the box. Closing it, before she stood up. She set it on the nightstand and then turned to James. He shouldn’t have been on the floor either, and she walked over, holding her hands out to him to help him up. “I don’t advise a shower or a bath, but I’ll wash your hair at least for you.” She offered. She could also leave him with a sponge and he could give himself a sponge bath if he really wanted. He really did look like hell, from the bruising, to the tiredness on his face, and some of the grime. “Might make you feel a bit better.” She smiled softly at him.
His attention drifted back to her as she began to say more, and his adoration for the old sailor only deepened. James had known some of this, just snippets of whatever Elliot had dared to tell him once he trusted him enough, but he never pried further. Even if he had been curious about what Annie had done to receive that man’s complete devotion and praise. Maybe it was none of his business to know, but he couldn’t help but wonder. But then his throat tightened when Lina told him what happened, that Elliot had lost both wife and child and his expression saddened even more.
How did the sailor even survive that? Were he to guess, his family kept him sane. He may have lost his son, his wife, and later his sister...but he had two lovely girls to love and care for. Horrible circumstances, for certain, but it was still something. “I...couldn’t even imagine,” he stammered out quietly. “I couldn’t imagine losin’ them at the same time, let alone...even havin’ that to begin with.” Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. Nope, he wasn’t going to go there, but he was sure that the feeling was just the same as if he lost his mother and Juliet. Still family. Still painful. Still something he didn’t ever want to think about. James had plans to die before those two because he knew he would not be able to handle it the other way around. He’d already witness his father’s death...he couldn’t do that again.
James fell silent again while she continued, and he was only grinning faintly but his attention was in front of him. It was kind of amusing to picture a younger Elliot attempting to take care of two teen girls. Boy, did he wish he could have witnessed that. His grin grew, curling a corner of his mouth and those blue eyes shifted sidelong to her at the mention of his nickname. “He was my mentor in the agency, taught me everythin’ I know. Thought he was gonna kill me a few times...I didn’t like the rules much.” A pause, he looked thoughtful for a second. “I still don’t.”
Then, suddenly, the mood changed a little. He could sense it before he saw the realization of things change her face. James sighed. “He couldn’t right away,” he began, hoping by explaining she wouldn’t hold an ounce of ill will towards her uncle. Maybe she didn’t anyway. “You can’t just...get up and leave. You can’t do what I’ve done. The agency needs to let you go. Sometimes it’s age, sometimes it’s injury. Sully retired because he was too injured to return, and he’s only a couple years older than me.” Another sigh, he looked down at his hands in thought. “You’re either unnecessary and trustworthy enough to be let go...or you stay until you die out in the field.” By how quiet he got, that was exactly what he expected to happen to him. Only now, he was probably going to die by their hands, whether now or later.
Barely realizing she had gotten up until she spoke, his eyes were drifting up her towel covered form to her face. Then he literally whined in annoyance when she stated that he couldn’t shower. Maybe if he just wiped himself down and shaved, it would help. Reluctantly, he took her hands to slowly get back up to his feet. “I’m beginnin’ to look homeless. But I will not complain about feelin’ yer fingers through my hair.” It was soothing and comforting, even if it would probably make him fall asleep again.
James’s explanation as to Elliot not retiring when she thought he had made her more uneasy. She quickly gathered you either had to be lucky and or terrifying enough to live to get the retirement that you deserved. A life. You had to fight to get the life you finally deserved. Knowing that Elliot had made it to his retirement caused her even more uneasiness and she remembered that look on his fact last night as he dragged that body in without a second thought. How those normally kind blue grey eyes had something darker, meaner in them as he had asked James why he had to kill an agent. Because he had been coming to kill Lina. Was she going to see more of a side to her uncle, and James for that matter, in the coming days that she didn’t know existed? She didn’t know if she wanted to see that. But still...At least Elliot and James were on her side.
Lina giggled at his whine, but she felt for him. She’d want a shower too, but he couldn’t risk getting his stitches wet yet, and unfortunately they weren’t in a spot he couldn’t easily wrap in a plastic bag to keep dry.
She tugged him up, keeping her hands in his and gave them a squeeze. “You're just getting that rugged Scotsman look. I dunno I kiiiiiinda like it.” She said with a small smirk and she reached up to scratch his chin gently and feel the bristles of his coarse incoming beard. She leaned up on her tiptoes so her lips were near his ear. “It’s kinda hot.” She murmured in a teasing tone. She almost made a comment about how she’d gladly keep her fingers in his hair if he let her, but she didn’t want to put those ideas in his head. Especially if he was hurt, the idiot might try and do something really stupid on her then.
“Let me at least put a shirt on first.” She told him, remembering she was only wearing a towel. She turned her head and kissed his cheek quickly, before she moved to where she had put her backpack. Tossing off the towel on her head, her damp hair fell around her shoulders and retrieved a shirt and pair of underwear, slipping the underwear on first, she looked over her shoulder to see if James was still there or if he’d wandered to the bathroom. If he was, she’d shoo him towards the bathroom before she let the towel drop and slip her arms through the shirt, and pulled it down over her head. She then walked into the master bath and over to the giant tub that could easily fit a small family in it. She got a smaller towel and rolled it up, for James to cushion himself on and set it on the edge of the tub before she flipped the water on and It rushed out in a small roar.
“Okay come lean over.” She pointed to the towel while she stood up and got the shampoo out of the shower and hunted down a washcloth, before leaving to go find a cup. After a couple minutes she came back with a plastic cup. “Ready for your spa treatment?” She asked with a smile as she came to sit on the edge of the tub.
Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have elaborated...but he was being honest. She needed to understand what the agency was, what they were capable of, and that her uncle probably would have left that very same day when he took her and Marie in if he could have. Elliot loved his girls- even James knew that. The man had to do what he had to do for those he loved. And yes, she might soon see more of that dark side. In both Elliot and himself. A side he did not want her to see.
He only wobbled slightly on his feet once he stood up, but he wasn't dizzy. That was good. The morphine was beginning to wear off, too, but he was a bit too preoccupied with her words and smiles to really care right now. She was making it easy to forget that he had a hole in his side yesterday. “Oh yeah?” he asked when she mentioned she kind of liked it, even if he felt like a scruffy vagabond who didn’t even know what a shower was. The grin returned, and she was making him wobble just slightly again with that murmured comment at his ear. Um, for not wanting to put those kinds of thoughts in his head, she was doing a poor job of it. Because he would be stupid enough once he was fully awake, pain or no pain. That would have been a very nice distraction. “You only live once” or whatever the phrase was.
His arm was already sneaking around her waist somewhat subconsciously, wanting to pull her close before she was preparing to step away from him. There was that low, airy growl of protest as she drifted away. “I mean...you don’t have to,” James tried to argue, but it was a very poor argument. It had him laughing at himself as he would then, purposely, take his time to walk to the bathroom. He was injured, after all...but it was clear that he was being far slower on purpose. That stupid smirk was giving that away. Once she was shooing, he’d finally disappear from view, closing the bathroom door a bit to assure her that he wasn’t peeping, even if the thought crossed his mind briefly.
While he was in there, he moved to the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. Damn, he did look like shit. Fingers idly examined the gauze over his wounds, his bruised and bare torso before sighing in knowing the injuries were just going to be added to the collection of scars and other markings all over his body. He frowned, sighing lightly before she was stepping inside. Moving over to the tub, he carefully lowered himself down before leaning over the edge. An arm was outstretched to catch some of the water in his hand to splash it on his face, and he was sighing again. This time in relief. “It’s the l’il things…” he commented softly. One didn’t realize how fortunate they were for showers and the like until they couldn’t take one or have access to one easily. Lina might have to keep a close eye on him, because he might be very tempted to just crawl into that tub without notice.
After getting the temperature of the water right, Lina took the cup, and held it under the running water. Filling it up before she placed a hand gently between James shoulder blades and slowly poured the cup over his head. She took the bottle of shampoo and squirted out a little onto her palm, rubbed her hands together and then gently began to massage the soap in James' hair. She was gentle about it, but she could tell it had been a few days since his last shower and made sure to really scrub at his scalp. She hummed softly as she washed his hair and then filled the cup up again to rinse it. Removing any soap left behind. “Stay put.” She ordered as she stood up and went to the shower, grabbing the bar of soap, she came back and lathered the wash cloth she had found with the soap.
She then gently moved it over the back of his neck, washing his skin, and making sure she got behind his ears as well before she scrubbed the sides of his neck. She rinsed the cloth out and then went back over his suddy skin, wiping away any soap, before she repeated the process. She had to move to see better, so she got on her knees beside him as she washed his back. Moving her hand in slow gentle circles as she did what she could. It wasn’t a full shower, but hopefully he’d feel less gross. As she wiped the soap away from his back she couldn’t help but lean forward and place a kiss on his spine between his shoulder blades. “How’s your pain?” She murmured against his skin. Knowing the morphine was probably worn off by now. She contemplated asking him if he wanted more, but would see how he was feeling first. She moved herself a bit closer, moving a leg over his so she could have better access to his shoulders, and placed her hands up by the nape of his neck. Gently she began to massage the sore and tense muscles, before her hands gently spread to his shoulders, trying to ease any tension and get him to relax as best she could. “You can turn over, I’ll wash the other side.” She said gently. Placing a kiss on his shoulder as she moved.
If and when he turned, Lina would take the towel he’d used as his cushion and unravel it before she would drape it around his head, and then gently towel dry his hair, before she took the wash cloth and carefully began to wash around the bandages he had on his injured arm.
Leaning there, he began to almost go limp draped across the side of the tub at feeling the warm water rushing over his head. Her fingers through his hair also made it very hard to even want to move. It was like he was melting, actually quite comfortable even though it probably didn’t look like it. James also figured that, if he didn’t move, he wouldn’t agitate the wound at his side.
He did, however, chuckle lightly when she told him to stay put, as if she knew that he might just climb right into that tub, even in his jeans. His hand went back under the faucet, and he lightly flicked some droplets of water in her direction as she was slipping away to get the soap. She didn’t have to do anymore though, he could have wiped himself down but he sighed in contentment regardless. She was being too good to him right now and he was struggling to argue because it was making him feel a bit better. He felt a little more human. “You really don’t hav- okay...” He tried to tell her he could do it, but it felt nice, and the gentle kiss against his skin made him change his mind immediately. James was basically putty in her hands now, her breath making those goosebumps rise up along his back again. She better watch herself.
He was slow to answer her as he finally lifted his head up a bit, “Tolerable.” And it was the truth. Of course he was in pain, but he didn’t feel like he was in danger of getting dizzy or passing out, which he assumed was a very good thing. It could also be that he was too focused on her massaging fingers taking the tension away to notice much of the pain. He groaned tiredly when she told him to turn over, and he was slow to do so but complied; eventually turning enough to face the other direction and lazily lean back against the tub. A grin as she towel dried his hair, he simply left it draped on his head while she carefully wiped him down, wary of the bandages. “Do all yer patients get this five star treatment?” he teased, his stupid grin visible from underneath the towel that was shielding most of his face. He could move it, but why bother?
Dark eyes flickered up to look at him, and she couldn’t help but laugh at seeing him with the towel still on his head as he looked at her. She could see his grin underneath the towel, and shook her head as she chuckled. She ran the cloth over his chest, and leaned in a bit, pulling the side of the towel up. “Only the cute Scotsmen.” She said. Sneaking in a quick kiss to his cheek, before she let the towel drop down on his face. “I must admit, you're the first one I actually like giving a sponge bath too.” She said as her smirk grew. She reached across him, leaving no piece of skin unturned unless it was covered with a bandage.
She glanced down at his jeans, covering his lower half. And arched an eyebrow before she slowly turned her head to look at him. “You’re going to have to wash the lower bits if you want those clean, but I’ll find you new pants.” She told him. She couldn’t help but chuckle at him again, seeing the towel over his head and reached up to gently clean his face. Taking a corner of the washcloth and brushing it gently over his nose, and over his cheeks. Gently wiping at his brow. For a moment she was caught up in what she was doing. Remembering that she’d memorized every line and plane of his face a few days ago, and yet right now it seemed like she hadn’t even bothered as she was rediscovering it. Lina’s dark eyes found those bright blues under the towel and she nearly got swept away in their blue depths again. She rubbed his cheek with her thumb and smiled softly at him before she ran the cloth over his stubbled jaw. “Do you want to shave?” She asked him. “I can go get your razor or find you a new one.” She spoke softly, as she lowered her hand.
“Oooh, I see,” he murmured in amusement. She was sneaking in a kiss to his cheek where he tried to snatch her lips but was too slow. The towel promptly fell back over his eyes again. If this continued, he might start quoting Obi-Wan Kenobi, shrouded in his Jedi robe. Half shrouded, anyway. At her admittance, he raised a hand so that a finger could lift the edge of the towel in order for him to look at her with one eye; his brow arched up in curiosity. “And why’s that?”
That smirk of his became cheeky as her gaze dropped. In pain or not, he was still prepared to tease and joke. “This is a half-arsed sponge bath, doc. I’m just sayin’...” Oh no, it was fine. He needed to keep his wits about him...and that? That wouldn’t go well. Well, at least, he’d probably be in a bit more pain after. Still, that other feeling was arising as she gently wiped at his face, allowing him these short moments to watch her again without the need to shy away, without feeling embarrassed about it. Those thoughts and feelings needed to stop, he knew this, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore them. There was something about Lina that always brought him pause, always made him look, always made him wonder and hope.
And he didn’t want it to stop.
He was gently snatching that hand when she pulled it away, pressing another kiss to the inside of her wrist as he contemplated her question. It was something about shaving, that’s how much he could recall now, but he was distracted by the scent of her skin. “Should I...shave?” James canted his head slightly, a smirk once more curling his mouth, still unfazed by the towel still atop his head.
Lina had smirked and slightly shook her head at his half assed sponge bath comment. She wasn’t going to go there with him. He didn’t need that while he was trying to recover from a gunshot. “I’ll try again when you're better.” She murmured. Raising eyebrows slightly at him. Was there a hint of a promise in her eyes? Maybe. She could be very thorough when she wanted to be. James would just have to really work on getting better for that sponge bath redo if he really wanted it.
His fingers grabbing her hand had her still as she watched him place that kiss on the inner part of her wrist. He was going to have to stop doing that. It made her brain turn to mush and sent shivers and tingles up her arm and down her spine. She tilted her head as she looked at him, that little smirk of his coming out from under the towel certainly made him look ridiculous and she bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing at him again. Instead she scooted closer tugging the towel up so she could hide under it with him. “I dunno, you were worried about feeling like a hobo.” She said softly as she smirked at him. She leaned in then, brushing lips gently against his. Teasing him a bit, and staying just out of his reach. “If you do keep it, I’d tidy it up here,” She bent her head to press her lips on the upper part of his throat and under his jaw. Her lips were pricked by his stubble but she didn’t mind it in the slightest. “Here,” She smirked as she looked at him with hooded eyes, and placed a kiss on his cheeks. Right where his beard line was. “Mmmm, maybe here.” She took her index fingers to brush around the corners of his mouth before one trailed over his lips lightly. “You might have to trim....” She lowered her head in closer and that smirk she had only grew. “Here.” She pressed her lips gently against his. Being mindful of where her body was so she wouldn’t hurt him. She pulled back, but didn’t go very far. Taking one of her hands to rest on the edge of the tub behind him so she could lean on it. “It’s up to you.” She told him with a smirk. “You….might not get a chance to shave again anytime...soon.” She said as the realization hit that they would be moving again possibly once Elliot showed up, and she didn’t know what type of things they’d have available to them. Enjoy these next three days while you have them, Lina… She thought to herself. She smiled softly at him. Not wanting him to worry about her.
It was so very, very hard not to go there right now, even as tired as he was, even with the pain. Even despite how much he kept telling himself he had to just stop. Stop getting close to this woman. Naturally, it was a little difficult when he was apparently trapped in this cabin for three days, but still. He should know better. He shouldn’t be looking at her like that, shouldn’t be returning any kisses, soft or heavy. He shouldn’t be doing any of it.
But, for fuck’s sake, just lookit her!
He was only human. Yet, just talking with her, or knowing she was laying down at his side was clouding his judgement. Seriously, what was wrong with him lately? She was like every thought in the morning when he awoke, the last thought when he went to bed, and nearly every thought in between. Maybe he finally just snapped. He was broken. But now she was teasing him with words and kisses, and he completely forgot how to breathe. James had chuckled lightly when she joined him under that towel, but that mirth was swiftly gone to be replaced by something else.
His expression sobered, his heart pounding faster with each feathery kiss against his skin, her taunting words. “Aye, I was worried…” he managed a quiet reply to feeling like a hobo, but he didn’t seem to care much about it anymore. James drew that hand he still held hostage against his chest, lacing his fingers with hers as his other had found its way to her hip, kneading pliant flesh. His jaws were visibly clenching because he was trying to maintain control, but he knew he was no longer in the driver’s seat. She was toying with him, she was succeeding in her little game, and he was just letting her. Perhaps he was just a glutton for punishment.
The brief, light kiss wasn’t enough. So help him, he was going to make everything so much worse for himself. Lina spoke of chances and not having time later, and while she was talking about such a simple thing as shaving, it’s not what he was thinking about. “Alright...but in a minute.” Uncurling his fingers from her own, he yanked the towel away before his touch traveled up the length of her arm to softly grab the back of her neck; drawing her face down to his. Her mouth was his again in a deep, desperate kiss, like he had lost all logic, as though he were afraid he might not get the chance again, afraid he might come to his senses and forever stop...whatever this was. Maybe he didn’t know, or it was possible he was still out of it from the drugs. Whatever the case may be, he needed to kiss her; only pulling away when he felt himself getting to the point of no return. That was when he drew back to rest his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. James had this incredible urge to apologize again, and he didn’t know why.
It was going to be impossible to leave her, wasn’t it?
He was right. They could most certainly wait a minute, or four, or an hour, or until tomorrow. The moment the towel was yanked off, Lina’s breath caught, and as James pulled her closer, she all but eagerly met his kiss to devour him. His desperation reflected her own, but she knew she had to be careful. She could only go so far with teasing the injured man before he’d do something really stupid that would make her feel bad later. Especially if he ripped those stitches…
Her free hand rested on his shoulder and it took every nerve in her body to not just straddle him there on the bathroom floor. Self control. She told herself though it was becoming increasingly difficult to show that self control. Oh, how she wanted him. Again, it felt like she hadn’t seen him in months, rather than a few days. She took her fill of him with as much as she could get away with, and James seemed to have a similar idea when they were nearing the point of no return.
She tried to catch her breath as the kiss broke and they sat there, foreheads touching as the sound of the water running was the only noise in the bathroom, save for their quick breaths. At least hers. She didn’t know what tomorrow or the next day would bring, and she was hell bent on spending whatever time she could with James. Whatever time the universe would allow them to be together. The idea of being parted from him again nearly sent her into a panic attack. Her heart clenching. The strong feelings she felt for him were scaring her. She never had these strong emotions towards one person before. These types of emotions at least.
She hadn’t opened her eyes yet but she did take a shuddering breath. “James Bishop, you scare the hell out of me.” She whispered admittedly. Finally opening her eyes to look at him. She took one of his hands and pulled the neck of her shirt down a bit to press it to her skin. So he could feel how rapidly her heart was beating because of him. There was a small smile as her lips curved up. “You make me crazy.” She said with an amused look before she kissed him again. Nipping playfully at his lips, before she pulled back. “You do this.” She squeezed the hand she held on her chest. “And it’s scary, but,” she leaned in and gave him a softer kiss. “I don’t regret it. Meeting you, even if we’re about to walk into hell.” She whispered, releasing his hand to caress the side of his face gently. She meant it too. She didn’t regret meeting him. She’d meet him all over again in San Diego if it meant reliving that time with him. She pulled his hand out of her shirt then, kissing his knuckles before she got up and sat on the side of the tub to turn the water finally off.
Normally, his self control was far better than this. Normally, he wasn’t even in this damn situation to begin with. James didn’t get the chance to meet a lovely woman or spend time with her or even see if anything could come of it. The idea never crossed his mind in years. This was strange, and he was still wondering what was going to happen because there were so many dangers now. And staying with her meant he was just bringing more problems to her doorstep. He couldn’t deal with that. It wasn’t fair. He had to stop.
And for a moment, James thought she was going to make it a little easier for him. ‘James Bishop, you scare the hell out of me,’ she said with that staggering breath. It made him pause immediately, those bright eyes opening to regard her with a glint of pain. He knew what he was, what he was capable of, but the last thing he ever wanted to do was frighten her. In this brief moment of panic, he stared at her before he slowly began to realize what she meant. Lina brought his hand to her chest where he could feel that rapidly beating heart, and he realized it was beating as quickly as his own. Then, everything just got more difficult to ignore.
She was softly kissing him again, playfully nipping, and it was impossible to keep that worried look on his face. His expression was slowly beginning to change again, and she really had to stop before he was unable to control himself. ‘I don’t regret it. Meeting you, even if we’re about to walk into hell.’ Blues were still staring at her, almost taken aback by her words because it made every kind of emotion filter through him in that very second. There was that desire yet that need to simply hold her close. He was terrified but elated at the same time, unsure of how to feel about his presence basically messing up her life. That selfish thought came back, knowing he would do it all over again, even if he knew he was going to have to let her go. If he cared, he was going to have to do what was best for her.
And that wasn’t him.
His hands slipped away from her when she moved to sit on the edge of the tub and shut the water off. Everything suddenly felt deafeningly quiet, all except for the thundering of his heart which he feared she would somehow be able to hear. It pounded in his ears, and he ran a hand down his face in hopes of snapping himself out of this- whatever this was. For the first time in a while, James felt lost.
Distance yerself, mate, he silently kept telling himself. He had to stop kissing her and touching her, asking her about her life, everything. Yet every time he tried to, that overwhelming ache to simply have her near took over, becoming too much to ignore. He was fucking doomed. All that she had just said was exactly what she did to him, and he was too afraid to say so, wasn’t truly sure what to even say. Honesty was always the best policy...or so he’s heard.
Jay slowly shifted a little closer and she’d feel the sensation of his lips and stubble against her bare thigh. But it didn’t get any more lascivious than that. His good arm was moving to wrap around her waist again as he simply rested his head against her leg, his shoulders rising and falling with the heavy sigh he let out against her skin. “It’s fuckin’ scary,” he finally spoke up, shutting his eyes for a moment. “I don’t understand this, any of it. I never...expected it. And I know I’m goin’ to have to let you go…” Fingers curled into the fabric of her shirt at her waist, silently expressing that he didn’t want to and wasn’t ready to. He still couldn’t get it out of his head, this thought that he was undeserving. Perhaps, before he fled from the agency, there was a better chance of some sort of life, albeit a hard one...but now it felt hopeless. Jay didn’t know if he was going to have to keep running for the rest of his life, and he couldn’t ask the same of her. No matter how strong this sudden connection felt.
The sensation of his stubble and lips sent tingles up Lina’s leg and she sat there. Feeling his breath on her thigh, her fingers immediately threaded into his hair. Running her fingers gently through it and slicking it back while he sighed at her. There was a tension in the air, and she didn’t know if she liked this tension. There seemed to be a lot going on in James' mind at the moment. He spoke finally, agreeing with her that the connection they had scared them both. That neither of them knew how to explain it. Her hand in his hair rubbed his shoulder gently.
She stilled as he said he’d have to let her go, and there was a part of her that panicked about it. No, no you don’t have to. It was yelling. She already knew from what he’d told her on the couch that he wanted to keep her. For them to stay together, but James still thought he didn’t deserve a life with her in it. It made her chest ache and she leaned down over him. Her damp hair falling down around them to act as a curtain of sorts from the outside world. “Then keep me in this time we have before Elliot shows up. Even if it’s going to hurt later, I want whatever time I’m allowed with you, James.” She said softly by his ear. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. So I’m going to be selfish for once. Are you?” She asked him. She wrapped her arm around him and rested her head on his. The position was awkward but she didn’t care. I’d keep ya lass...I would. He’d said thanks to the drugs, and it was knowing that bit of information that she wasn’t freaking out. She knew James felt the same, it was just a matter of trying to get him to believe he deserved her.
“You know you don’t have to let me go right?” She said ever so softly. “I’d stay...I want to stay.” She confessed. She pressed her lips into the spot behind his ear. Her fingers curling into his hair gently as she brushed it to the side. She didn’t want to rush him in getting up, and wanted him to have however long he needed just sitting there, so she’d stay, hunched over him, lightly drawing small designs on his shoulder until he made it to move.
James was aware that his actions probably contradicted his words more than half the time. That was because he was conflicted. He allowed himself that moment of weakness and then a sliver of himself regretted it...if only because he knew how much it was going to hurt later. It was driving him crazy, and he didn’t know how to gain back that control.
Her fingers in his hair were going to lull him back to sleep if he wasn’t careful, especially when she leaned down to whisper against his ear, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine but also engulfing him in warmth. His arm around her seemed to tighten on its own accord, as though he was prepared to stay like this for the rest of the day. Her words- though they comforted him- made this all that much more difficult.
But when were things ever easy for him? Why should this moment now, Lina’s presence in his life, be any easier than what he’s already been used to? Why couldn’t he just accept it and let fate dictate everything else? It already had thus far. So, she posed the question: could he be selfish, more than he already thought he had been?
Unsure of what to say, he refrained from sighing again before she was speaking once more. That confession suddenly made his heart ache in a way he’d never felt before. No, Lina...you don’t want to stay. James wanted to move to look up at her, to get her to understand, but he was too afraid to look into those brown eyes because he knew they would just completely undo him. “I don’t think you understand what that would entail, love,” he told her quietly. So quiet that she wouldn’t have heard him if she wasn’t so close. After a moment, he finally sat up, still not looking over at her. “This runnin’...it will hopefully end fer you. Elliot and I will make sure of it. But fer me?” James paused then, slowly drawing himself up to his feet with a heaving sigh, flinching only slightly. He swallowed a lump in his throat before blue eyes finally turned to regard her. This may not end well fer me, he nearly said but dared not to. “I may not be able to stop runnin’. Ever.” The only way he saw that being possible was if he burned ACIS to the ground. Others had tried before...and they clearly hadn’t succeeded. Had other agents been able to slip off the agency’s radar? Sure, but it was few and far between...but James really pissed them off this time. “I need you to have yer life again, Lina. I need you to find yerself a good man ‘cause I’m sure as fuck gonna kill yer ex when I find him.” Was that a promise? If Elliot didn’t kill Steven first, James would. His jaws were clenching and he could feel his heart beginning to speed up again in rage at the mere thought of that man and all of this bullshit. “Ye’ll have yer clinic again, a family, a life without havin’ to worry about packin’ a bag and runnin’ when shit goes wrong. A normal life, Lina.”
He forced himself to stop talking then, shaking his head at his own idiocy before he’d leave her there in the bathroom to go in search of his luggage. The very least he could do now was keep busy- change, shave, maybe check out the surveillance room. Anything, so long as he stopped doing this to himself and to her. He couldn’t keep ping-ponging back and forth- it wasn’t fair. James either had to allow himself to be completely stupid and risk ruining Helina’s life even more, or put his money where his mouth is and stick to his guns, distancing himself.
He just didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore.
‘I’d stay...I want to stay.’
If she hadn't been so close she probably wouldn’t have heard him, he was so quiet. And hearing what he had to say gave her this ominous feeling. This sense of foreboding she did not like. She didn’t want to say anything. Much rather wishing they could just stay put but he was moving and she had to let him up. She couldn’t just hover over him as much as she wanted to. He was so set on making sure she wouldn’t have to run anymore but what if they couldn’t get her that life? What if she was forced to keep running as well? He got up, still not looking at her. She bore her eyes into him, her chest felt tight. And she clenched her hands into the hem of her shirt.
He finally turned to look at her, and she stared into those ocean blues. Let me run with you. She wanted to tell him. If he had to keep running, then she wanted to run too. So he wouldn’t be alone. So he couldn’t be lonely, so she could be with him. James however didn’t want that apparently. Her hands just tightened more and her own jaw tightened as she stared at him.
He was threatening, no it was a promise, to kill Steven then, and that Lina needed to find a good man. Someone that could essentially give her a normal life and she nearly laughed. You're that man, you idiot. Her own anger was beginning to bubble up. She let James say his peace before he left her in the bathroom fuming. She’d never had a normal life. It was from one abused situation to the next. Elliot had been her small piece of heaven but even then that wasn’t normal. Being with Steven hadn’t felt normal. She’d been a shell of who she used to be after the divorce and for the last six months she’d been taking one day at a time with the clinic. Nothing felt normal. That is until James appeared. He was normal. It felt normal to be with him, and as she sat there she knew how crazy she sounded, but she knew deep in her soul there would be no one who could give her the normal he apparently so desperately wanted her to have. No one but him.
Her jaw was clenched almost painfully, as she sat there, boring her eyes into the linoleum floor. Lina had always been one to make her own self sacrifices for the sake of others. She hadn’t done anything for herself really. It was always work and whatever she could do for Elliot and Marie. And the one time, she wanted something for herself? She was being denied it because someone wanted her to have a normal life. Fuck you, James. She thought angrily. If he wasn’t hurt she’d probably get up and go beat her fist into his chest. The good man he didn’t think he was? This was him being a prime example of it. He was trying to protect her she knew, but she didn’t want protecting. She just wanted to stay with him, and he was going to torture them both by denying what their souls wanted.
She wasn’t going to fight him on it. He was nearly as stubborn as she was, and they would just keep going around in circles. It’s for the best Lina. Just...just stay to yourself and do what he asks. Shield yourself from some of the hurt that is going to destroy you later. She told herself. She felt herself breaking then, but she kept her face blank. Her jaw was beginning to be sore from how hard she was clenching it, but she didn’t let up. She stood, walking out from the bedroom, picking up her jeans from where she’d tossed them yesterday, she slipped them back on. She didn’t say a word to him, or look at him. Afraid she’d just yell at him, as she tried to get her anger under control. She grabbed her backpack and then picked her gun up from where she’d left it before she exited the room.
She didn’t say anything as she climbed the spiral staircase, going to the room that was hers. She pushed open the door, tossing her backpack at the foot of the bed before she kicked the door closed with a slam. At this point her breath was coming out in quick shallow breaths as she fought tears. No, she’d cried over this man enough. He didn’t deserve anymore of her tears. She set the gun on her desk and then crawled onto the bed, taking one of the fuzzy blankets she had, she pulled it up over her head, and then curled in on herself. Wrapping her arms around herself. This was for the best. It had to be. She bit down on her bottom lip, letting a shuddered breath out. Everything hurt, and everything ached. Knowing he was downstairs didn’t help matters. She needed the space at the moment. She didn’t know what she would do if he came up here. Yell, she’d probably yell at him for being an idiot. That’s what she would do. And beg. She’d beg him. She’d throw her pride away and beg him to let her stay. They needed the distance. The separation. To make things easier for what would probably ultimately happen. He’s leaving you this time, Lina. Not you. This time it’s him.
She didn’t know which hurt more.
It took everything within him not to turn right back around or look at her when she finally emerged from the bathroom. His back was turned towards her and he was struggling to remain where he was. She was grabbing something and storming out. Briefly, he thought she might be foolish enough to leave the house, so his head turned so that eyes could trail her as she stomped her way over to the spiral staircase and to the room upstairs. He sighed when he heard the door slam, leaving him there to sit on the edge of the bed, running fingers through his damp hair.
He hated himself, and he sat there for what felt like forever just thinking about it and knowing he was being stupid. But he was scared. Although she was already somewhat wrangled into this whole mess, she didn’t have to be thrown in further. And that was what he was trying to protect her from...because he knew if he let this get too far, he’d never be able to step away. So, in a way, he was also trying to protect himself, as selfish as that was.
Honestly, he felt selfish either way.
James didn't know what to do with himself after he freshened up and shaved. And it was something he would continue to wonder about for the rest of the night and throughout the rest of the next day. But occasionally, he'd find his way into that surveillance room to have a look at things, impressed by how thorough Elliot had been. This place was, indeed, a fortress. Lina had, a couple of times, checked on his injuries in complete silence. James had been able to feel the anger radiating off of her, he could cut that tension between them with a knife.
Although he had wanted to say something, anything, he figured it would make matters worse...and the whole day was wasted in silence. As he lay in bed that night without her at his side, he began to slowly drift back into his usual solitude, knowing the next day would probably change everything when Elliot arrived. But he supposed nothing was to change, considering he "wanted this" and got his way.
The next morning on the third day, he was up before the sun. Seemed he was already falling back into routine. He cleaned himself up as best he could and made a quick, easy breakfast, ensuring there was some for her if she decided she wanted it. James felt helpless then as he stood near the large windows, watching as the sun rose up over the trees. It was so quiet and peaceful out here, and that pang of guilt hit him again. Dammit, he would just stay here forever.
Lina figured being angry was the best way to deal with James. If she was mad, she wouldn’t want to cry, wouldn’t want to beg, wouldn’t want to kiss him senseless so he could see freaking reason. If she was mad at him she wouldn’t want him.
All of yesterday and the rest of the day before had nearly killed her, and her anger at herself just got worse and worse. How could she let this happen to herself? How could she allow him in and let him so easily take her well built walls down? He’d come in like a wrecking ball and left her in the wreckage of his chaos and was going to leave her with a broken heart. Leave himself with a broken heart. She was angry, and she was upset, but most importantly she was aching for him. She’d cried herself to sleep twice the last two nights because of him. Because she wanted him and he couldn’t let them stay together. No, it wasn’t anger she was feeling so strongly. It was the disappointment that had left a trench in her heart and being around him just made it deeper and deeper. Damn him. Damn him. She wanted to scream and yell all over this impossible man.
He was improving, she noted from what she’d seen of his injuries. His strength was getting back, which was something she liked to see, though she was too pissed at him to tell him. She’d cleaned every inch of the cabin from top to bottom in her frustration, and had their bags packed and ready whenever they needed to go. She’d set them out the night before since Elliot was supposed to come that day. She had wanted to enjoy her time here with James at the cabin, but instead, she’d spent it avoiding him and wanting to smack him. Which made her even more mad.
She got up early, brushing her hair and putting it up in a bun, she dressed in her usual jeans, her hiking boots, a t-shirt and took one of her old flannels she kept at the cabin to wear over the shirt. She found her gun holster and attached it at her hip, and then grabbed her backpack and headed down stairs. She paused at the top of the landing, seeing James was already up and looking out the window. She could see he’d made breakfast and she bit her tongue. That bitterness coming back tenfold as she stared at him.
She was supposed to come out of the master bedroom. Wearing one of his shirts and sleepily wrap her arms around him from behind. Pressing her face between his shoulder blades while she breathed in his scent. They were supposed to cuddle with a blanket and watch the sunrise together while they sipped their morning coffee. It was supposed to be the last happy moments she had with him before Elliot showed up. But no. He had to ruin it.
Lina all but growled as she stomped down the stairs. Her boots hitting the metal were loud, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to know how angry she was. She set her backpack by the kitchen island, next to the medical bag and then walked around and helped herself to breakfast. She sat at the island, quietly eating but she couldn’t taste anything. She was only eating because she needed to. After she was done she did the dishes and dried her hands off.
Her eyes went to find James, glaring daggers at him. How dare he decide everything. She deserved a choice in the matter too, it was her life. And that thought finally sent her over the edge. “Dammit, James, it’s my life too!” She slammed her hands on the island as her voice rose. The anger of the last couple days began to show, as she stared at him with those dark eyes of hers. A fire burning in their dark hues. “I get a say!” She moved around the counter as she began to stalk towards him, her jaw clenching.
Her descent down the steps was quite loud, and made it all the more clear that she was still angry. Not that he blamed her in the slightest. James was hating himself more and more as each second ticked by and the silence between them remained. All he wanted to do was give in and tell her to forget that he said anything, but that would be wrong, wouldn’t it? It would be selfish. And what would Elliot think, what would he do? No, it was a foolish fucking idea that would only get her killed. The more he thought about that, the angrier he was getting.
James had let the silence linger, he had taken the blame, but the more he let these thoughts plague him, the more he was beginning to realize that she was being childish. Who would want this? Who would want to risk running for their life with possibly no end in sight? She was bloody insane, and the sooner Elliot got there, the better. He would talk some sense into her.
For now, he kept his gaze ahead while she tried to eat, because if he were to try and further explain things to her, it most likely wouldn’t go over well.
But then she was yelling.
It actually startled him and he was whirling around to face her; only a subtle cringe on his face to indicate that he twisted too much when he shouldn’t have, but that was the least of his worries. Now, he had an angry Helina marching towards him, about to start this whole conversation again. Although, this time, it didn’t appear as though it was going to be very civil.
Those bright eyes stared at her, his stance never wavering even as he stalked. He shouldn’t fuel that fire, he should stay calm and just let this pass. Let her hate him because it would be easier for her that way. He could handle the pain that came after. His mind was screaming at him to hold it all in, but after two days of sitting idle, spending most of it in silence, he was bound to crack.
“No, you don’t!” he was shouting right back, that anger and desperation just washing right over his face. James clenched his teeth, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “You don’t even know what yer askin’ for! Do you think every moment would be like this?!” He gestured towards the cabin around them. There was no guarantee they would ever find much peace. There was really no guarantee of anything, really. “I threw my entire life away fer that fuckin’ agency, and I’ll be damned if I let you do it as well. Especially fer someone you hardly even know…” Well, there it was again, and he couldn’t take it back. That ugly denial he couldn’t let go of. Now, it was front and center.
Well, seemed like she wasn’t the only one pissed. Good, he could push her buttons then and she’d push right back. Maybe she really shouldn’t be getting into an argument with James, but dammit she didn’t care. She was tired of men making all her decisions for her. And she was going to be allowed to make the choice of whether or not she wanted James in her life.
“I very much so fucking do!” She fired right back at him. She placed her hands on her hips and glared. Her nostrils flaring slightly. “No, I don’t imagine it will always be like this. I imagine there will be nights where we likely have to sleep on the streets, or in a car, or some other hell hole.” She bit out. Lina had a lot of the thinking to do while being angry at him, and she came to the conclusion she quite frankly didn’t give a damn. There was a part of her that knew if she actually was pregnant that those thoughts would change. She’d have to give a damn. She would have to leave him. You didn’t go on the run with a baby. Or drag a child Into that sort of life. The thought angered her more, but until she saw a blue plus sign, she wasn’t going anywhere.
Her eyes widened slightly at his next words and she could practically see red as her hands clench at her sides as she laughed bitterly. “What life?” She asked him with a whisper. “I’ve never had a life, James. The life you want me to go so desperately back to? That’s just going through the motions. Doing what needs to be done, because I can’t do what I really want because I know it’ll destroy my uncle and sister.” She shook her head slowly at him. He didn’t get it. No, he didn’t know. Didn't know how many nights she stared up at the ceiling just wishing she didn’t exist, because life had dealt her one hell of a doozy. Was she ever going to be happy? Any chance of happiness she had was squished at each turn. Steven had put her in one hell of a dark place. James, though? James was the flame, and Lina was the moth drawn to him. That piece of light in her otherwise dark mind.
She was a survivor but she was getting real tired of trying to find something she was surviving for. She clenched her hands more, digging her nails onto the fatty part of her palms. She did know him, she didn’t know how but she did. She may not know all the things he had done, but that feeling told her she knew him. And he knew her. She marched right up to him so they were nearly nose to nose. “If I want to throw it away then let me. It’s on me. Not you. You could have done what that agency wanted. To someone you barely knew.” She hissed quietly at him. Apparently she was going for the metaphorical juggler today. “But you didn’t. You didn’t and now here we are. You did that for a woman you barely knew, and if I fucking want to throw my life away for an impossible Scotsman that I barely know, then I sure as fucking hell will.” She fumed. Arching her eyebrows defiantly at him.
She wouldn’t stop. Why didn’t she stop? Why couldn’t she just be angry enough to hate him enough to give up? Lina was yelling at him again, barely missing a beat, and he was practically biting his tongue to keep himself from screaming back during the middle of her rant. She spoke of sleeping in cars or shit-holes, and his eyes went wide with confusion where he was no longer able to stay quiet. That didn’t last long. “Right! Why the fuck would you want that, Lina?!” It made absolutely no sense to him.
Her sarcastic laughter brought him to an immediate pause; brows furrowing while he looked at her as though she was insane. ‘What life?’ From what he knew, from what she had actually told him, she had been dealt shit cards...but it was still better than this, wasn’t it? She wasn’t running for her life. Her father was behind bars and Steven would be dealt with soon enough- a promise he intended to keep no matter what it cost.
‘...because I can’t do what I really want because I know it’ll destroy my uncle and sister.’ What the hell did that mean? An idea was filtering into his head, but she hadn’t given him the chance to dwell on it. Lina continued to talk, berate, and yell. He could barely get a word in, and before he knew it, she was charging up to him to get right in his face.
And she was fucking doing that thing again. Somehow, she was breaking his walls down, brick by brick. She was calling him out. James threw away his own life because he couldn’t kill her, and it stemmed deeper than just having met her. He knew it. She knew it. Normally this shouldn’t be a problem because normally this was something a man would want to hear. It was exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Do you hear yerself?” he finally said, exasperated. Eyes were white hot in this sudden fury, unsure of how to get her to understand anymore. No, don’t crumble, James. Don’t. One of his hands gripped her shoulder gently, despite the harsh desperation that was shuddering through his body. The other gestured towards his abdomen, to the bullet wound now hidden beneath his shirt. “This is what you get. They nearly killed me, Lina...and it’s not going to end. It never ends, and I’ll be damned if they fuckin’ touch you. And there will be a greater chance of it if you stay near me.” He had to step back, had to let go of her. That anger was slowly beginning to wane to be replaced by tiredness and confusion. That bloody vulnerability. “It...wouldn’t be a life, at all, no matter how you twist it. It’s dangerous and I’m broken. I’m-” James ran a hand down his face, trying to clear his thoughts and he turned his back on her. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, she was winning this, if only because he didn’t know what else to say or do. “I’m not worth that.” Just stab the knife through his chest and twist. “Just stop...bein’ so fuckin’ naive.” His words were meant to bite, but they fell flat. He just hated himself more now.
“I know! I’m crazy!” She said staring up into those angry blue eyes. She could see his anger, see the desperation in them that wanted her to listen to him. Well, James Bishop wasn’t the only one who didn't listen to people. It was usually at this moment when she’d get into her yelling matches with Steven that he would haul off and slap her. Anyone else she might have flinched as James gripped her shoulder, but instead she stared unblinking at him. His hand was hot, as it turned her body into a raging inferno. Mixed in with her anger she was probably about to blow.
Lina never took her eyes off of him, even as he gestured to what lay under that shirt. She knew what was under there. She’d been the one to make it so he could stand there before her now. Her jaw clenched as she listened to him. She wanted to scream at him more, she wanted to beat him upside the head, she wanted him to see that he didn’t have to sacrifice his life for hers.
I’m broken. She could see the anger slowly drain out of him as he ran that hand over his face and turned away from her, and she shattered in that moment. Her own anger began to dwindle, to fade away, replaced by frustration and desperation. She frowned at him as he told her to stop being naive. “I like to think I’m being more stubborn than anything, thank you.” She said, her voice had lost its edge as she spoke at a normal volume, and her feet had a mind of their own as they carried her forward. Walking up behind him silently, she wrapped her arms around his middle.
Hugging him from behind as gently as she could while she rested her cheek on his back. “When are you going to see that your life means something too, James?” she murmured. “Why is it that I’m the only one allowed a chance of a normal life? Why can’t we both try to get that normal life? You deserve a real life too, sweetheart.” She wanted him to try and understand. Wanted him to see that Elliot had gotten his chance at a normal life, why couldn’t James? Sure he’d have to go about getting it a different way, but he deserved it too. “They took your life away, not you.” She whispered. “And if you’re broke I come complete with ace bandages, steri strips, and whatever type of band aid you want. I might even have duct tape.” She smiled into his shirt. She let her arms fall then before she was walking back around to his front. “Why are you so self deprecating? You are worth it, James Bishop. Everything, and more.” She said coming to a stop as she looked up at him, taking his face between her hands if he’d let her. “You deserve-”
She didn’t get to say what was next before there was a loud BANG that suddenly hit the window, and then there was the sound of rapid beeping. As what sounded like an alarm began to go off. She whirled around, to look at what the noise had been, but as she looked out the window all she could see was the cracked glass. The window would have broken if it had been normal glass, and Lina’s brow furrowed in confusion. There was something lodged in it. Right in the center of what would have been the entry point, and it took her only a second to realize it was a bullet. And from the angle it was at, it had been aimed right at James’ head.
She’d gone into the boathouse, fishing around until she found what she wanted, and came back with the blanket before she tossed it to James. They’d want it because it was about to get very cold. Once It looked like they were ready, Lina got in the skiff and then started the small engine. Having made sure they had gas before they even went anywhere. She made sure to move slow through the water, at least to get them out of the bay. She was smart enough to keep the throttle down so as to not make as much noise as possible. Causing small wakes in the water. Once out of the bay, she picked their speed up. She didn’t say anything, focused more on driving and making sure they didn’t hit a bank. Luckily they had clear skies, and there was a bit of a moon out to provide some light.
It took a little over an hour then, and Lina curved the skiff around a small bend and they were suddenly going up river for a bit, before the small doc on the bank could be seen. Slowing down, she brought the engine to a stop and reached for the dock rope. Using her arms she pulled them in close before tying the rope to the skiff, tying it in place. If James was asleep, she’d gently wake him before lifting their stuff up on the dock and then climbing up herself, before she’d help him. “Easy, take it slow, this is gonna hurt.” She told him gently. Once she got him up, she tied her tote bag full of food to her backpack before she put it on and then grabbed the handle of James' suitcase, threading the handles of her medic bag over it so it could rest on top, and then wrapped an arm around his waist to help support him, before they’d start the slow and steady hike to the cabin.
What normally would have taken a twenty-minute walk, took longer with the slow pace she set for them more for James’ sake. She could already feel exhaustion setting in, and she could only imagine how he was feeling at that moment. The sound of the Alaskan wilderness was settling in around them save for what noise they made moving on the trail. Otherwise, it was quiet. Silence. But soon they’d notice a slight incline that eventually grew and ahead of them sitting on top of the small hill was the cabin. Elliot for whatever reason had insisted on staining the wood in the darkest stain he could get his hands on to make it blend in with the forest. In the daylight, you could see all the way down the hill from all directions, and the ocean from over the treetops. You had the perfect view of everything, unless you knew how to get there, you weren’t going to find the cabin easily. There was no road access anywhere conveniently nearby unless you took an ATV ten miles north. It had been one fucking long summer building the thing, and even then, they hadn’t quite finished it. Uncle took frequent trips out when she and Marie had been in school to finish the thing.
“There’s going to be two flights of stairs, but there's a railing for you to hold onto.” Lina spoke softly letting James know the amount of hurt he was about to be in. She definitely planned on checking his stitches when she could get him in bed. “Just a little longer.” She said a bit breathless. She herself was really looking forward to bed, if only to hopefully wake up and for this all to have been just a dream. But if it was...she’d wake up and there would be no James. Because James was supposed to be in San Diego. It was bittersweet.
At the base of the stairs, Lina let go of James so she could hurry up and get the door open. Pulling the key out from under the bird feeder, and unlocking the door she tossed their stuff in before she turned and went to help James up the steps in any way she could. Once they were inside, she pulled out her phone flashlight and navigated to where the generator was kept, and then began flipping on light switches. “Alright go sit on that barstool, I want to check those stitches of yours.” She ordered while she shut and locked the door before grabbing the medic bag. She’d take it over to the kitchen island before she wiped a hand over her forehead, not realizing how sweaty she was, but at that moment she really didn’t freaking care and just wanted to sleep.
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All he wanted to do was sleep, but that lingering fear was making it near impossible for him to even try. The car ride had been short, thankfully, but he got the feeling that they weren’t quite there yet. He remembered Lina telling him about this particular cabin in which he thought, precisely, what a perfect safehouse it would be. How ironic that it actually was, just that Helina wasn’t fully aware. Elliot had been smart, but James also wasn’t very surprised and had grinned to himself when he thought about it on the drive there.
Refusing to let her do absolutely everything, he tried to help out wherever he could, and however he could without agitating his injuries even further. He realized he got winded a lot faster, though, and when that happened, the dizziness returned. It took a lot for him to step back and allow Lina to deal with hauling the bags most of the time and steering them across the water. But it was the hike that proved to be a lot more difficult. With his lack of sleep, having only dozed briefly during the boat ride (in which he wound up waking up in a panic), he was weaker than he’d admit. The exhaustion was ten times worse but he couldn’t rest, not until he was truly sure they would be safe. Even then, there was no guarantee. He was wired to always be on alert; no amount of bullet holes or knife wounds were going to change that.
Just when he thought he might have to request a short break, the sight of the cabin came into view. It was definitely hard to spot, he realized, and again he smiled lightly. Elliot, you bloody genius. This was perfect and he didn’t know why he briefly doubted the man. It was more than just a summer home. He knew, without having to really see it, that it was a damn fortress.
“I’m...I’ll be fine,” he quietly reassured her. He was also reassuring himself. They were there, just another minute or so and they would be safe behind locked doors. James was grateful for the open wilderness all around them, but at the same time, it made him anxious. Everything was so dark and he wasn’t as alert as he should be.
While she unlocked the door, he had already made it halfway up those steps before she was back to assist him. He was too tired to argue, but he knew she was likely exhausted herself. Yet it was a relief to finally be inside, and his slow shuffling carried him to the barstool as directed where he carefully sat with a heaving sigh; tiredly leaning back against the kitchen island. “So...this is the cabin, eh?” he asked, his voice strained. Right, state the stupid obvious when you didn’t know what else to say. Normally silence was fine with him, but he was afraid he might pass out on her if he didn’t talk every now and then. His limbs were on fire and his arm was either really sweaty or that knife wound had opened up a little. He could feel the blood beneath the gauze. Fucking hell.
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Her first act of business was helping him take the jacket off. A small smile appeared on her face at his question, though her face grew in concern at hearing the strain in his voice. He really needed to lay down and rest. Especially after what his body had been through the last couple days and then the injuries he sustained. She was growing more concerned, but she was so tired, she didn’t have it in her to complain at him. “This is the cabin.” She said with a nod of her head.
Once they got the jacket up, Lina sighed and grimaced at seeing the fresh blood on James’s arm. She could handle restitching that, what she was more concerned about was the gunshot. “Might as well take your shirt off.” She told him, now that sleeve was soaked in blood. She helped him remove it before she used it to gently clean up the rest of the blood. “Three bedrooms, two and half baths, there’s an upstairs loft with two of the bedrooms.” She spoke softly, her tiredness showing in her voice as she nodded over to the metal spiral staircase. “Got one hell of a view at dawn and sunset.” She yawned then, unable to help it, as she waved towards the large front windows that currently just showed forest treeline, and the moon, but they could also see part of the reflection from the ocean.
She stepped in closer to James, bending slightly, and her fingers gently examined the bandage over his gun shot that thankfully hadn’t torn open, but she'd change his dressing in the morning. She sighed in relief, and then tossed his shirt on the island before going into the medic bag for more thread and a new bandage. She took her scissors and cut the old one away to reveal where he’d torn a few of the stitches. She pulled out the bad threads gently, tying off where he hadn’t torn them, and began to restitch him up. “I’ll give you something to help you sleep, and help with the pain.” She told him. AKA another shot of morphine that would have James out for at least six hours, if not more.
There was a faint snipping noise as she cut the thread and tied it off before she applied a new bandage to his arm. She sighed, content that the stitches would hold again if he took it easy. She wasn’t even thinking as she leaned in then and pressed her lips gently against the gauze. “There, stitched back up, and you even have a kiss to make it all better!” She set the tools down then and sighed again before she began to giggle. Because everything was funny at three in the morning apparently, especially when you were kissing booboo’s better. She shook her head at herself and then walked to where she’d left the rest of the bags and tossed them on the couch. Taking the food tote, she walked back into the kitchen and started putting things in either the fridge or a cupboard. Elliot came up here enough that there was canned food, but Lina had also brought fresh stuff. It didn’t take her long at all, she worked fast and then went into her medic bag to find the morphine and a needle.
“C’mon gimpy, I’m not poking you with this until you're laying down.” She told him, walking to his side to help him should he need it. She led the way to the master bedroom then, because there was no way in hell James was going up a spiral staircase to where Marie and her rooms were. She pushed open the door and flicked on the overhead light revealing the large room. She helped James over to the bed, mostly hovering in case it really looked like he would need her support before she pulled back the covers for him. She squatted down then to help take his boots off. “You want your jeans on or off?” She asked him. She wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, and given what they’d already done together, and the fact she was so dog tired, she didn’t give a flying monkey if he was commando or not.
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All he wanted to do was crash. And were he just on his own, he may have wished to just fall asleep and not wake up again. It was more a grumpy and humorous thought than truly morbid. Mostly. And the grumpiness slipped out further when she was helping him out of the jacket. He didn't want to move, because it hurt to move no matter how much he thought he could ignore it and pretend like it was fine.
With her sigh, his eyes drifted down to his arm with a frown. Yep, he pulled stitches even though he had tried to be careful. It was just in a really bad spot for trekking through the woods and trying to make sure he didn't fall flat on his face. He knew if he had collapsed, she wouldn't have been able to get him up. So, he sighed lightly, too, his head lolling back to idly glance at the ceiling. "I'm sorry," he said again. This time, it was for her needing to fix that. Then, it was the agitating process of having to remove his shirt.
He really hated getting shot.
She was talking about the cabin and he could hear how tired she was. It only made the guilt worse. "You guys did...a great job on it," he added, just to acknowledge and keep the conversation going for a moment longer. And Elliot made some extra improvements.
James tried to remain still, his breaths coming out in soft hisses. With his skin still sore and inflamed, just those couple of stitches hurt to redo, and this time he wasn't passed out. Nor did he want to be. Clenching his jaws, every now and then that bright gaze drifted over to her as she worked. Then she mentioned giving him something for the pain and he froze. "Don't let me be out fer too long…" There was that concern again, a fear in his eyes. He didn't want to be severely drugged. James understood the need to rest, but he also needed to be alert, god forbid, if the need arose.
Soon, he was all stitched up again, with a kiss to make it better. He looked at her in amusement but also some mild worry as he wasn't sure if she was getting delirious or not. Hopefully she would sleep, too. Elliot promised this place would be safe, even for a short while. And Jay trusted him completely. "Thanks, lass," he said, deciding not to ask if she was okay or not. He knew she wasn't because he mentally wasn't. Slowly, he tried to get up, maybe thinking he'd be able to help her as she put things away, but gave up on that idea really fast. Just one night. He had to give himself one night to really rest because he was going to need it. He was also feeling slightly dizzy once more, but that was most likely the lack of sleep creeping up on him again.
Chuckling when she was at his side, he used her assistance to get off the stool but tried not to lean his weight on her as they walked. "Do behave, Lina," he joked lightly, trying to keep the strain from his voice as much as he could. There was this awkward feeling all of a sudden. Despite the night they shared just days ago, even with barely knowing each other, even after feeling whatever that connection was, they were in a totally different situation now. He was no longer hiding who he truly was but she still didn't know about it. Not all of it. It was strange and he never expected to see her again. Now, he didn't know how he was supposed to feel. If he was allowed to feel anything. If they should pretend like nothing happened and just figure out how to survive this mess.
When he sat on the edge of the bed, he couldn't stop himself from letting the rest of him just fall back and sink into it. He sighed in heavy relief, already feeling sleep trying to take hold. "Oh my fuck, a bed... it's amazin'…" He was mumbling now, his eyes closed. Clearly it had been a few days for him. Helina was saying something, and although he didn't quite know what it was, it had him chuckling in that tired delirium anyway. "Yer not allowed...to see me in my skivvies..." Right, because completely nude was appropriate after only a day. He didn't care enough to actually answer her question, so she could leave him how he was. James was already trying to roll over on his side, only to realize how much that...well, hurt, so with a hiss he decided not to.
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Lina snorted, as she stood up. And then moved to him. “Easy,” She said. He was going to hear her saying that a lot to him in the next couple days. He was to take these three days to heal. He could be whatever the heck he was after three days once Elliot arrived or...Three days and no Elliot. That was a thought she didn’t want to think about.
Since he didn’t want his pants off, she took to patting him down and emptying things in his pockets so he wasn’t laying on anything and set whatever he had on the nightstand. She really didn’t pay attention to what he had, and then would lift his legs up and under the sheets before pulling the sheets over him. She took her syringe needle then, and held the small vile she had of the morphine up. As per his request, she only gave him a little before she took one of his forearms and shot him up with it, before she set those off to the side as well. Lina sat on the edge of the bed then, cupping his cheek. “Sleep James.” She whispered. “You really need it.” She told him. She stroked his cheek, looking at his tired face. She’s seen the bruises, the injuries, and wondered just what sort of hell he’d been through the last couple days. What hell they would be entering into now.
She leaned forward resting her forehead gently against his, and sighed. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” She told him reassuringly. She smiled at him, before kissing his forehead, and leaning back. Standing up, she tucked the covers around him to make sure he was comfortable before she took the morphine and needle and left the room. Wanting him to focus on sleeping.
Once back into the main room, she went and tossed his bloodied shirt and into the washer, along with some towels so they’d be clean as well and not musky. She started the load, and then began to make as much order out of the chaos as she could. Organizing her medic and doing inventory of it, cleaning the kitchen and straightening the living room up. She set a timer on the coffee pot, and then when she felt like she couldn’t stand any longer because she was so tired, she quietly walked into the master bedroom. Shedding her boots, glasses, jeans and bra before crawling into bed next to James. She would have probably latched onto his side if he wasn’t so hurt, but she wanted to be close to him. To ensure that he was there, real, and wasn’t going anywhere. Also, in case he needed anything. “Awe shit I forgot the water…” She groaned to herself, tossing the covers aside to get him a glass. He’d probably have cottonmouth from the morphine when he woke and would need it. Trudging back in she set the water on his side, and then walked back around the bed. Settling on her side. She closed her eyes, focusing on James’s breathing, before she finally let sleep take her.
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“Aye, easy. Yes…” He was just beginning to murmur things on repeat now. James really didn’t want to pass out yet, trying to get his thoughts together and his mind under control to ask her if she was alright, to ensure that she would be fine. It was hard to concentrate on himself even if he was extremely tired and sore. He didn’t want to leave her alone, so he was struggling as the lull of sleep was nearly suffocating him.
To prove just how out of it he was, he couldn’t even mutter a cheeky comment about her rustling through his pockets. Oh yes, he was definitely out of it. Don’t close yer eyes yet, James. Not yet. The touch to his cheek helped him open those eyes just a little bit, finding her face in the dim. An arm tiredly moved so he could gently take hold of her wrist as he leaned into her touch. His mind was teetering on the edge of wondering if this was real or not. Truth be told, having a sexy doctor tend to your wounds could easily be a fantasy, just saying.
As she leaned against his forehead, he sighed gently in contentment, that hand traveling up to rest against the side of her face. His head was suddenly flooded with a million things to say, to ask about, but he couldn’t voice them. Not yet. ‘I’ll be here when you wake up.’ “Promise me…” he said before his eyes were drifting closed and there was no way he had the strength to open them again. After that, he wasn’t aware of anything.
It would be a few hours before he stirred. The sun was already peaking up and over the horizon, and he was hotwired to wake up, technically hours ago. Whatever she had given him had knocked him out almost immediately and he had rested, falling into a deep sleep. A slumber he didn’t often get. Yet, as with most good things, they didn’t last.
He was dreaming. Sometimes he never dreamed of anything, sometimes they were so vivid and felt so real that he woke up in a panic.
He was on a boat this time, during a nighttime storm. He was younger, perhaps ten years old as the heavy rain pelted down on his face and his small body was sliding all along the deck. His throat was sore from screaming, calling out for his father who was struggling with the rigging. Arden Bishop looked his way with a sad smile...until a large wave crashed onto the deck of the ship, and the man was suddenly gone. A young James was rushing forward before he began to fall. Suddenly, he was face first on the floor. A carpet. There was something warm and sticky on his hands. Blood. Agent Bishop climbed to his knees, gazing around at the piles and piles of bodies in the room before realizing some of them were familiar. There was Shane...Elliot...his mother and Juliet. What the fuck was happening? The door burst open, and black clad men dragged a battered Helina in...and just behind her, he spotted a pair of bright, venomous eyes. A woman’s eyes that he unfortunately knew all too well but she remained shrouded in shadow. Her arm rose, a pistol in her hand, the barrel pressed harshly to the back of Lina’s head.
James woke up to the sound of a bang, jolting too quickly upright and regretting it immediately. Pain shot through his side as he growled out in frustration, his blue eyes wide and wild as his mind tried to discern what was real and what wasn’t.
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Lina had fallen into a deep sleep as well, though unlike James she hadn’t dreamed. She’d only been floating in the void, minding her own business. She was only brought out of her sleep when she felt a jolt right next to her, could faintly hear a growl. She murmured in her sleep before she slowly came too. I don’t have a dog, why is there growling? She wondered before she felt the space next to her shifting, and then memories of last night slammed into her. James. He’d been shot, had a knife wound on his shoulder, they had to leave. James knew Uncle. Kit. James was Kit.
“Hey,” she said hoarsely as she struggled to sit up, placing a hand on his forearm. “Jay, calm down.” She said softly, rubbing her eyes with her other hand as she scooted up and rested against the headboard. She rubbed the sleep away before she gently placed a hand on James’ back. “Lay back down, rest. You’re okay.” She said gently, growing concerned with his panic now that she could see it. She could feel how fast he was breathing from the way his body moved under her hand. “James, look at me.” She was turning, standing up on her knees. She still wore her t-shirt and giant sweater, that hit her mid thigh, but she had a bad case of bed head with her hair sticking up in an odd angle out of her braid.
If he looked at her, she’d gently touch his face looking him in the eyes. “Just a dream.” She told him gently, thinking that was what had caused him to be in such a panic.
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He was completely confused, unable to recall where he was right away. It made the panic worse, even more so when he heard another's voice and felt movement beside him. James twisted and it tugged on the wound at his side, sending a shot of pain through every damn nerve. He nearly doubled over, and now it throbbed, but luckily he hadn't torn any of the stitches.
Helina. She was there. Lina was right there. Those blue eyes were trying to focus and she was trying to urge him to look at her. This time, he carefully shifted so that he was facing her a little more, his heart pounding wildly inside his chest, ready to burst forth.
He hated this. It happened so often, when a nightmare felt so real that it took minutes to come down from the frantic high. Yet when those blue eyes found Lina's face, the reality was breaking through the fog of what was false, and he finally realized she was fine. Glancing down at his hands, there was no blood coating them either. It was just a dream. "Lina…" he stammered out, his throat dry and his voice shaken and hoarse.
She was alright. Everyone else was alright. He had to calm down.
Grabbing the hand she held to his face, he pressed a quick kiss to the inside of her wrist, feeling that she was real and solidifying it even more before he moved to lazily lean back against the pillow. James tried to calm and breathe but it would take him a moment. All he could hear was the echoing sound of that fired gun. He still held her hand and involuntarily squeezed it while his attention drifted up to the ceiling. Still tired, he knew he wasn't falling back asleep any time soon. "Just...a fever dream…" Jay was saying this more to himself than anything. "I'm sorry." And that was directed at her, and something he was apparently saying a lot since their reunion. He was struggling to even look at her now because there was so much resting in the air between them and he had no answers. No matter how much he thought about it, he didn't understand why the agency would want her dead, and he was afraid he wouldn't be able to fix it.
He was thinking about his dream again, how Danica managed to destroy everything and everyone he held dear. What was so scary about it was that she could do it if she wanted to. She had the means, had the manpower, and it scared him. James walked away knowing it was a possibility, but he walked away from them without hesitation. There was no choice. He wasn't going to pull that trigger.
Shakily sitting up almost as soon as he had laid down, as soon as those memories and thoughts nagged at him, he was shifting to embrace her while she knelt there. Arms slipped around her waist where he just buried his face into her neck; feeling her warmth, inhaling her scent and simply knowing she was there. It didn't matter if things were different now between them, he just needed this. Just for a moment.
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Lina had the sudden urge to try and comfort him as he said her name. She didn’t know what he had dreamed about but it had surely shaken him. “I’m here, I’m real.” She told him gently. The kiss he pressed into the inner part of her wrist sent her nerves on fire up her arm. As if he was reminding her that he was real too, as well as there. James was here. They were both here, and despite the shitty circumstances, she really was happy to see him again.
She kept hold of his hand as he laid back down, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Just a dream.” She said in agreement, her free hand went out to brush his hair gently as he stared at the ceiling. Her heart was clenching at seeing him like this, but she knew it would pass. Usually it was her in his position sometimes. Sometimes when the night her mother died would come back to haunt her. “It’s a dream, James, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay.” She said gently. She felt like she was talking to a skittish animal. Trying to calm it down. James was certainly skittish, and she didn’t know if she wanted in that head of his or not. To try and calm him down, to try and soothe away whatever was ailing him. There was a part of her that wanted to fix whatever was troubling him so much that it nearly shocked her. Help him. A voice in her head wailed to her, but she didn’t know how.
For her, just knowing someone else was there was enough. To know she wasn’t alone, she often called Marie or Uncle in the middle of a panic attack or after waking up just to center her to the present. James was sitting back up suddenly, and she opened her mouth to try and tell him to lay back down, but he was pulling her into his arms. She felt his breath on her neck while he held her, and Lina wrapped her arms around him on instinct. How many times had she thought about being in his arms again since San Diego? It seemed so much longer than just a few days, and her body shuddering slightly against his while she rubbed his back gently. Turning her head to rest against his, her other hand came up to gently thread into his hair, gently stroking the strands. If this was what he needed of her, she’d give it to him.
She slowly lowered herself down, being mindful of his injuries as she slowly turned herself so she still had James in her arms but could rest against the headboard. She rubbed his back gently, trailing her fingers gently across his tense muscles, coaxing him to relax while she murmured softly in his ear. Telling him he was okay, and that they were safe. That she was very much so real and that he needed to just rest. Her hand in his hair rested on his nape then she turned her head to press a kiss onto his temple. “It’s okay sweetheart, you’re okay. It wasn’t real.” She murmured.
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Maybe this was a dream. And if it was, he wasn’t willing to wake up from it anytime soon, if ever. He’d gladly forget his woes and the rest of the world just to stay in this very moment for however long it was possible.
But it wasn’t a dream. This was real, and that in and of itself should have been a beautiful thought and yet it just worried him. Because it wasn’t so simple as just laying here with her. He couldn’t. He had to keep her safe, get her somewhere so that she could have a life that she deserved. A life that was so swiftly pulled out from underneath her. A life that didn’t involve him and the hell that was the agency because that’s all he seemed to bring with him now. His breath ceased in his throat, that idea hitting him harder while he was in this moment of vulnerability. Lina deserved so much better than this. He didn’t need to know her for years to understand that.
And yet, she remained there with soft words and gentle touches, slowly bringing him down to earth with her, beginning to calm him even more. James finally began to breathe properly, which helped ease the pain in his side somewhat. He kept his arms around her as she leaned them back and he rested his head against her shoulder, careful of his side. He wasn’t lying on his injured arm, so he was fine, and he wasn’t keen to let her go just yet anyway. It was almost as though he feared he’d not be able to do this again if he let go now. Just a little while longer, it was all he asked for.
James was quiet for a few minutes, just relishing in the sensation of her trailing fingers across his skin, calming him further and causing goosebumps to rise. Finally, his heart was beating normally and his eyes were clear, staring out the windows at the forest surrounding them. It was quiet and peaceful, and he prayed that it remained that way.
“I wish...I knew why this was happenin’,” he finally spoke up quietly. “It shouldn’t be...and I’m still sorry for it. At least they chose the right agent.” It was meant to be humorous but he couldn’t even smile. He felt cold again, knowing that she might be dead right now if the agency hadn’t chosen him, the one with a heart who had allowed himself to get too close to a target. Far too close. “But, yer uncle and I...we’ll fix it. Somehow. You’ll get yer life back, Lina.” And that was a promise. He apparently already fulfilled his last one by keeping her safe from Steven this go around.
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Lina just relaxed, resting her cheek on top of James' head, continuing her gentle touches as she finally felt him calm down and they laid in the silence. Her eyes drifted close and for a moment she thought she was going to lull herself back to sleep, the warmth of James pressed and resting against her was calming to her. She felt that safe feeling again and her tired body was requesting sleep once more.
James' quiet soft voice pulled her out however and her eyes fluttered open to glance down at him. He was apologizing again, and there was that word again. Agent. Was James Bishop an Agent of Chaos? It sure as heck felt like it. He’d been nothing but chaos since she met him, but it was the good kind of chaos. The chaos that claimed her own. Still, she had questions. But she wanted to wait until Elliot got to them before she asked. James needed rest, not to answer a million things.
She couldn’t help but tense as he said they’d sent the right one. If they hadn’t sent James would she be in a body bag now? Would she be dead in San Diego or somewhere else. That thought had the blood draining from her face and one burning question that she really wanted to know. Why hadn’t he pulled the trigger?
“....You’ll get your life back Lina.” There was a foreboding feeling then. Lina knew the answer, and she didn’t want to acknowledge it. There would be no getting her life back. At least not her old one. Her life was forever changed the moment James walked into her life. And there was that other little thought she’d tucked away. That other thing she didn’t want to think about, because if there was a possibility of it happening, then it wasn’t just Lina’s life that was getting affected. She didn’t want to bring it up, for fear of upsetting James, and he really didn’t need the “yeah so we didn’t use protection in San Diego and it was too late for me to take the morning after when I realized….” talk. Later. When he was healed up and better, and then maybe they wouldn’t be in as much of a pickle.
Her arms tightened around him and she chuckled softly, it was a bit sad sounding. “Let’s be honest James, if I do get my life back, it won’t be the same.” She murmured. It wasn’t accusatory by any means, she was just stating the facts. She held him tightly afraid he’d disappear on her and she pressed her face into his hair, breathing his scent in. Letting it calm her down. It was the honest truth, and Lina preferred honesty over anything else. “Why didn’t you do it…” she found herself asking before she could stop herself. But that burning question needed to be answered. She reached down to cup his cheek, gently tilting his head up towards her so she could look into his eyes. “Why didn’t you…” Why didn’t you kill me? She thought the rest of what she couldn’t say out loud. If James was an agent who made killing his job, then why hadn’t he done it? Had that been why he’d been in San Diego in the first place? To meet and off her? “Did we meet purely by chance or were you there to….” Do the job? Her voice was quiet and there was a bit of fear in her eyes. Afraid of what he would say. Yes, Lina, we met because I was going to kill you. And yet, he hadn’t. Had something happened to change his mind? She recalled their last day together, that night that they had shared. Hell, she still had the marks he’d left on her body. Had that been a part of the job? But the strong connection she had with him screamed at her otherwise. She needed to know. She needed to know if he felt the same thing she did. Her thumb rubbed over his cheek gently as she searched his eyes. “One more question,” she said with a slight quirk of her lips. “Answer honestly,” she said, growing serious. “Do you feel it too?” She whispered using her finger to motion between the two of them so he would understand what she was getting at.
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He should have just kept his mouth shut.
The tension was there again and he couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t relax. Even though her fingers and her warmth soothed him, and he could probably fall asleep this way if he allowed it, he couldn’t.
‘...it won’t be the same.’ No, it wouldn’t. And that could either be a good or bad thing, but he hadn’t known her life. It had appeared as though she had something decent, maybe it was even good or perfect. And ACIS decided to ruin it with a single text message. And why? That was the question that wouldn’t leave him alone and would surely drive him insane. It did little to ease that guilt, but she still held onto him and didn’t let him go...perhaps she really didn’t blame him. That was just something he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. Although she laughed, he barely cracked a smile, because he wished none of this had happened or that he could give her that normalcy back.
‘Why didn’t you do it?’ Why didn’t he kill her?
Lina was actually asking that question and it made him stop breathing, causing his entire body to tense up. He wanted to tell her it was because he wasn’t a monster, or that he didn’t kill women, that he had better morals than that. But it wasn’t the truth. Neither were the truth and he didn’t want her to know this, or any of it. There was blood on his hands and he was, for some reason, terrified of her knowing about it...but how was he to answer this?
She was making him look at her, and it was her following question that made his gut twist into knots because it killed him that she would think it. It was logical, though, it made sense why she would believe it. And he couldn’t blame her. All of this had seemed too good to be true, like the agency had toyed with him as well. James was quick to shake his head and answer that the moment her words trailed off in insinuation, “No.” Carefully, he leaned up on his elbow so that he could look at her better, praying the array of emotion he felt was more clear through his eyes. “No, I didn’t know. I woke up to you gone...and the order from them. I looked...everywhere for you...” But she had been gone, and there had been so many people in between them from that moment on.
Tired eyes watched her carefully, preparing himself for whatever this next question was...yet there was no preparing for it. At all. The answer was yes. Of course it was, but he couldn’t seem to say it because of everything else holding him back. It wasn’t as simple as a yes or a no.
His eyes drifted away first before he slowly turned from her. Still wary of his condition, James didn’t rise up from the bed as he had intended to, but he did shift so that he could sit on the edge; an arm cradling his abdomen as his other hand ran down his face.
“I...had told you...that it was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have- I knew better than to-” Now, he was fumbling for words, struggling to make sense of them and explain to her. “This is exactly why I can’t get close.” His voice was strained again and he was growing angry at himself, unable to look at her still. “I wish I could be tellin’ you that I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t known you first...but it’s not true. I might have.” His throat was closing up and he wouldn’t be surprised if she was trying to get away now. “The things...I’ve done, Lina...fer them...I’m not good. I’m not a good person.” Slowly he turned his head to look over his shoulder, only daring to catch her in his peripheral if she was even still there. “But you...you did somethin’ to me, offered me a glimpse of somethin’ I don’t deserve. You broke me. I don’t know how, but you did.” And he was a complete mess because of it, yet he’d do it all over again if he had to.
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James tensed in Lina’s arms. She could feel the tension beneath her fingertips and the way his body was pressed against hers. He sat up, shaking his head no at her. The relief almost had her shaking that it had been pure chance they had met. She could see the emotions in his eyes. The war within himself. “I...had to go… I couldn’t stay...I….” She let a small sigh out as she looked at him. “I would have stayed.” She said barely above a whisper as she looked at him. Remembering the morning she’d left and how every nerve in her body screamed at her to stay.
He was sitting up then, moving away from her, and she felt like she’d been punched in the gut. All air knocked from her lungs. She firmly believed if he had been able to, he would have walked away. She was afraid then. Afraid he would deny what was between them. That it was only her. That only she had the feelings. No James, look at me. Don’t turn away. She wanted to tell him. Instead she sat there watching him as he closed in on himself.
He was slowly explaining things to her then. That he had warned her, that it would have been a bad idea. Because of his real life? It was her fault. She’d called him a chicken. Pushed him to do it because she selfishly wanted to feel alive and the feel that fire that burned between them. She could hear the strain of anger in his voice and for a moment she thought he was angry at her for putting him in this situation. But….he hadn’t stopped her. He could have just let her go. She had left the ball in his court, and he chose to have that with her. His next words had her sucking in a quiet breath. I might have. How narrow was that line that Lina walked in San Diego, what if she hadn’t gone with James to the carnival, or done anything? Her life had literally been a thin line between multiple choices. Somebody was looking out for her in making the right ones, because here they were. They couldn’t go back and change the past and she didn’t want to think of what could have happened.
She found herself sitting up more as he said he was a bad person. That he was no good. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and began to stand taking a deep breath. She turned and began to walk around it, seeing him look over his shoulder at her. His next words were all she really needed to know. She did something to him, and he did something to her. She began to move, seeming like she was going to leave the room, but she only walked around the bed until she was standing in front of him, and she looked down at him with a frown. As if a sudden change had happened to her, she got down in front of him, moving between his knees so she could rest her arms on his thighs as she stared at him with those dark eyes of hers.
“Listen to me, James Bishop,” she started. Her voice was quiet, calm, despite the hurricane of feelings going on in her in those moments. “I don’t know all of what your work involved. I don’t know if I want to know. I can never come to understand what it was like. You might have done some terrible things to people because you were told to, but don’t you dare, tell me you are not a good person.” She all but fumed. Her eyes hardening. “I’ve seen the devil twice. I was raised by him for half my life and I was married to him. I know a bad person when I see one, and you-” she rested her hands on his thighs and gave them a slight squeeze. “Are not a bad person. A bad person doesn’t try to help a woman through a panic attack. Doesn’t go running away from clowns in a carnival. Heck, wouldn’t even be caught dead at a carnival. I know we haven’t known each other long, James, but I feel like I know you.” She reached up to take his face between her hands, making him look at her if he wasn’t already.
“I might have broken you, but you made me live. And apparently we gave each other the same non-deserving feelings, because I was so afraid you weren’t even real. That you were even possible, you impossible Scot…” she shook her head slightly, a small smirk appearing on her face. Her face softened then as she looked at him, rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs for a few moments before she spoke again. “Whatever clusterfuck this is we’ll figure it out, James. Together. And I know I sound crazy, but I’m not leaving you again.” She whispered, before she leaned forward and crashed her lips down onto his in a fierce kiss, that hopefully would tell him her feelings. There was a connection there, and she wasn’t going to deny it. Wasn’t going to hide it. Not anymore. She needed him like she needed air. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt whole whenever he was around. Like real Lina, and she needed him desperately. The idea of him leaving her was nearly terrifying, and not something she wanted to think about.
“Now, get your ass in that bed more and relax, or so help me I will drug you until Elliot gets here.” She murmured against his lips, pulling away. Her tone meant she was serious, and she didn’t think he’d like being loopy for three days.
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What would have happened if she had stayed? What would she have done once she found out about the kill order, about who he was? Would she have run from him back then, just gotten up and left him like she seemed to be doing now? He caught her movements as she got off the bed before she was out of his sight, so James simply hunched forward, resting his face within his hands. Just let her go, let her deal with this however she needs to, he told himself, and he couldn’t bear to watch her go. So long as she stayed inside this house, where he knew she would be safe, he would stay away from her.
James could have stopped everything that night she knocked on his door. He could have denied her, turned her away. Regardless, at that point, he still wouldn’t have taken the job. He still would have run from the agency...but at least he wouldn’t have made this so difficult. He wouldn’t be seated here with so many conflicting emotions, being unsure on what to do with them. He wouldn’t have hurt her in whatever way he thought he had. Maybe, they could have simply been friends...not whatever this complicated thing between them now was. He didn’t understand it and felt like he was going to lose it before he could. Again.
While all these thoughts began to cloud his head, she was suddenly crouching in front of him, softly surprising him. Those blues eyes found her as she began to speak, blatantly telling him he was being a fool...just in more polite words. Sort of. She was tugging at his heart, making those emotions resurface and messing with his judgement again. He was listening to her, but he was struggling to accept any of it, to believe anything she said to be true when it went against what he believed. It was hard to find any good when it was nothing but bleakness and darkness inside his head more often than not. ‘And you are not a bad person.’ But then why did he feel like a monster?
He had to look away from her, but she didn’t allow him to. She was taking his face into her hands again, forcing him to further pay attention. Brick by brick, his walls continued to crack and fall, crumbling at his feet all over again. James was desperate to tell her she was wrong, to get her to understand that this had to end, that they had to simply concentrate on surviving this and nothing more. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t seem to get them out, not while she looked at him like that and refused to leave.
‘And I know I sound crazy, but I’m not leaving you again.’ Yes, it sounded very crazy, but there was that part of him that still clung to the idea of her, of never parting ways. How would that even be possible? Yet everything suddenly halted. Time completely slowed down when she was kissing him fiercely. It was instinct to return it, and he did with as much ferocity and passion as he could possibly muster. He didn’t want to think about not having this or not having her. It was such an inconceivable thought when he tasted her lips. It was maddening, as though it was the most foolish thing in the world to believe he should be parted from her.
None of it made sense, but he had to stop trying to find the logic in it. There was something about this woman that changed him, made him better, made him need her...and maybe there just wasn’t any logic to it at all. Perhaps that was the whole point. Not everything had rules and regulations or routine, or marching orders that had to be followed. Sometimes, things just happened whenever the fuck they wanted.
When she drew back, murmuring those words against his mouth, James was finally grinning lightly. A hand had cupped the back of her neck, beneath that messy braid as his other arm seized her by the waist. If she was trying to escape now, she’d have to really fight him on it. “Is that...a threat?” he asked, a hint of a joking tone in his voice. But that hand would drift to cup the side of her face again, blues staring at her for a long moment as his expression sobered. He had heard everything she said, and wasn’t exactly sure how to acknowledge it. Maybe he didn’t have to say anything at all. Not yet. James wasn’t sure he was ready for it because he was already teetering on the edge of falling too far down. So far down that he’d never be able to make it up again.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a light, sly grin before he was moving to go lie down...only, he was still holding onto her and dragging her with him. He was weak enough that she could easily pull away, but he was going to try anyway. “You don’t...threaten a former Royal Marine, lass. I’m a bloody secret agent!” A soft wince when that side wound gave him pain, he was flopping back down against the pillow. “Can’t go anywhere or drug anybody if yer held hostage.”
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There he was. There was the James she liked to see. That stupid grin of his that she didn’t realize she had been missing, even if it was light. It brought her own small smile to her lips as he essentially locked her into place, and normally she wouldn’t complain. In fact she’d have no qualms about laying in bed with him. Doing what they should have done that morning in San Diego before she’d left. “Maybe.” She threw back at him with a slightly raised brow. She fired it right back at him on instinct. Unable to help herself.
She leaned into his touch slightly as he cupped the side of her face, and then the two of them seemed to stare at each other for a moment. He was thinking about something. She could see it in his eyes, and his face softened as he looked at her. There was that sly grin again and her brow just arched higher as he laid back down, however he was taking her with him. “Ooooooh no you don’t.” She told him, but it was hard not to giggle. “I”m a doctor, I’ll do any sort of threatening if it's for your health.” She told him. Making sure her body wasn’t fully on his, and minding his gunshot side so she wasn’t laying on it. She saw his wince and frowned at him.
She was relieved to see some of his old self back, but she wondered if he was doing it for more for her sake. Still…“Who says I’m held hostage?” She asked. Being careful she leaned up to give him a slow kiss. “Who says you're not my hostage?” She murmured against his lips as a smirk appeared on her face. Lina deepened the kiss before cupping the sides of his face, before her hands wandered to find where his hands were and once she had them, she pulled them off of her to move between them. She pulled away from the kiss then, placing kisses on his knuckles. “I do need to check your bandages. Because someone doesn't like to sit still.” As much as she would like to just lay there with him, he really did need his rest as well as his injuries relooked at. She gave him a pointed look before she pulled completely away. She moved quick then, so he couldn’t grab her as she rolled off the bed and darted out of the room. A few seconds later she came in with her arms full of what she’d laid out the night before and set it on the foot of the bed before she was coming back over. She handed him some pain meds before handing him the glass of water she’d set out from him the night before. She then grabbed her stethoscope and came and sat on the edge, placing it on his chest so she could listen to his heart. Nothing abnormal there, which she was glad for. She moved it down then over to the area of his abdomen wound and listened for any abnormal sounds. Content that there wasn’t anything there shouldn’t be, she went to work peeling back the bandages.
It had bled a little, but that was normal. She was mostly happy the stitches held unlike they had on his shoulder and she quickly redressed it. She would answer any medical questions James had to the best of her ability before she checked his shoulder. Once that was taken care of she cleaned up the old bandages and meds. While out in the kitchen she undid her braid and began running her fingers through it as she padded back into the room. “Any request for breakfast? We don’t have much, but I’ll come up with something.” She asked. Crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll also allow you to move to the living room but you gotta promise not to leave the couch.” She told him. She had the inkling that James would go stir crazy if he was stuck in the bedroom all day.
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There was a lot he didn't say, a lot he could have said but didn't want to. It would have brought them around in circles and he wasn't well or awake enough for that. He would have softly argued, but maybe being selfish and trying to believe he was this good man she claimed him to be was just the best thing he could do right now. Especially because she was smiling and giggling again, and it allowed him to kiss her.
'Who says you're not my hostage?' Ooh, touche, Helina. She was probably lucky that too much movement irritated the gun wound, because she might have found herself in trouble. The good kind of trouble. At least, he could satiate that hunger with his lips against hers, kissing her deeply and with a need he still didn't think should be there, in a closeness he didn't think he deserved. But he couldn't seem to stop, nor was she stopping him. She'd be having to pry one of his hands out from beneath her shirt that wandered up her back, and for the most part he didn't protest. The more he woke up, the worse the pain got, even if she was a nice distraction with those long legs just bare to the world.
Thank God he was injured. It would be so difficult to behave right now.
Funny how swiftly his mood changed, and it was always because of her. She drew him out of those dark thoughts and back into the light. With her. Somehow, she always brought him back to her, willingly.
"Yer gonna find...that I do not listen verra well." He figured he should at least warn her, his mouth curled into an amused grin. This time in particular, however, he would be a good patient. James knew that the sooner he was on the mend, the sooner he'd be able to better protect them. Three days were on the clock, and if Elliot didn't return…
No, Elliot would be here. He wasn't going to let his thoughts spiral again.
So he concentrated on her, watching her quietly as she worked. Right now, he should be feeling sad that her life was flipped upside-down, but it was also hard while he felt incredibly thankful for it. Perhaps that was a horrible thought, but it brought her back into his life, and he wished she could remain. It was going to be so much harder to let her go again…
The idea killed him even more when she returned from cleaning up all the supplies. She was a beautiful, softly disheveled mess, and it seized his breath immediately. Ever so slowly, and carefully, he slipped off the bed. She mentioned breakfast and something about the couch but he wasn't acknowledging any of it. Bright eyes were focused solely on her as the distance between them was closed. Just one more kiss and he'd be a good patient for the rest of the day.
"If I can't have you…" he started, taking her face within his hands. Slanting his mouth down hard against hers in a slow, drugging kiss, there came that airy growl from within his throat when he managed to pull himself away. "Then I'll have whatever," he murmured. He wasn't picky.
Grinning, he moved back to the bed just to pull one of the blankets off and wrap it around his shoulders before slowly moving out to the living room. He would definitely get stir crazy, but it would probably happen no matter where he rested.
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Dark eyes narrowed in on James as he got out of bed and began to walk towards her slowly. She wanted to yell at him to just stay, to lay in bed until after breakfast to give him more time to rest, but he had said he didn’t listen very much and she already believed him. He was going to drive her up a wall. In more ways than one. If not for his injuries and the bandages, Lina would have no complaints from the view she had of him walking up to her, and she was quietly reminded of how capable James really was.
She shivered as he took her face in his hands, knowing he’d rather have her, took whatever remnants of sleep away before her body became acutely aware of him, and the kiss he was currently giving her. Her hands gently rested on his hips, wanting to hook her fingers in his belt loops and pull him closer but those damn injuries...she’d have to behave. Kisses would have to suffice for now until he was healed. She groaned softly into his lips before he was pulling away. There was that damn grin again, and boy if it didn’t make her weak in the knees whenever she saw it.
“I’ll see what we have.” She murmured back as she let her fingers slide off of his hips and then watched him go get a blanket. She had to cover her mouth as the small giggle bubbled up. He looked rather adorable with his bed head, moving slowly, and wrapped in a blanket. She wasn’t going to complain though if it meant he’d rest. She led the way out into the living room, over to the large sectional and began tossing pillows aside to make room for him. She then turned to where their bags were and picked them up and went and put them in the bedroom to be dealt with later.
She waited until he was situated before she wandered to the kitchen and began to look at what they had. She’d brought eggs, there was some bread… she wanted to start him out with bland foods at least for today. The bullet thankfully hadn’t gotten anything vital but she didn’t want to risk it and rich foods would be hell on his gut. So it looked like he was getting eggs and toast, and whatever meat she could find in the freezer.
She filled up the sink with warm water and began to hum as she worked, and then she just started to sing to fill sound space, thinking James might enjoy it. She put the wrapped ham she found in the freezer in the warm water to defrost it a bit, wiggling it around. “We don’t have cell service out here, just as a heads up.” She spoke up, remembering she should probably tell him. “There is a landline though, so hopefully we’ll get a call from Uncle on when to expect him.” She said. She was trying to be optimistic, as much as she could. Thinking that nothing would go wrong and that they’d be okay. That Uncle would be okay.
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For the moment, he was in a decent mood. In truth, he was still very tired but it was that kind of tired where your mind wouldn't stop or slow down and your body was unable to follow. He was sluggish. After a day, he would probably get antsy because James Bishop wasn't the type to sit idle. Even when he was waiting for that other job (which shall not be named), he was always doing something, always dragging her some place, always moving. Sitting still was hard for him because it was something that didn't feel right anymore. As an agent who was often "hunting" another person, he knew that remaining idle was a death sentence. He just had to remember this was a safehouse. They were okay to remain idle. For now.
He took his time walking towards the couch, probably looking completely ridiculous wrapped up in a blanket but he obviously didn't care. He was also cold now that he was out of bed and she wasn't in his arms. Maybe he should have brought the All-Seeing One out to snuggle with. He wondered, for a moment, if the silly thing was even still in his suitcase as he carefully sat down, leaning back with a sigh. He wanted to shower, and after scratching his face to realize the scruff had grown a bit more, he wanted to shave. But now that he sat down, he didn't want to move. No, the couch was good. This was good for now.
That renewed vigor he'd had minutes ago was slowly beginning to fade again as he tiredly drifted his gaze over to her; her singing breaking the silence of the cabin. His head rested back against the couch and he simply watched her again. Was this what a normal life could be like? You know, minus the bullet holes and knife wounds all over his body. Was this what he could have were he a completely different person? One he thought worthy of her, of this?
"Alright," he told her after she spoke. At the mention of Elliot, he recalled some of the things he had mentioned. There was a secret room in here, a stash of weapons...things Lina didn't know about. James suddenly wanted to take a look, but he didn't want her knowing about them yet. They were finally in a place where the fear and unknown weren't looming over them as much, and temporarily forgotten. He wanted her to stay this way for a little longer. Also, she might kill him if he got up again. He'll take a look later.
"Did you always want to grow up to be someone pullin' bullets out of people?" he found himself asking quietly with a tired smirk. Despite how, ahem, close they had gotten, he hadn't asked her too many things about her life. James had stopped himself numerous times to avoid getting too close.
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Lina glanced over her shoulder at him from the sink at his question and she shrugged. “I didn’t want to be pulling bullets out of people.” She said with a small smile. “I wanted to help people sure,” She sighed, turning back to the ham. Wiggling it around just a bit more so it would defrost just a bit faster. “I used to help patch my mom up.” She said quietly. She pulled the ham out, getting too impatient to wait for it before she began to unwrap it.
“I liked taking care of her. I felt good to help her in that way when I couldn’t really…” There was a pause and she shook her head slightly to clear away the image of her dad. “Help with anything else.” She finished. Had Lina tried to help protect her mother during one of dad’s acts of “appreciation.” Lina probably would have gotten hurt herself or ended up dead. She clenched her jaw as she took a knife to pry apart the frozen ham slices and then ran them under more warm water before she tossed them in a pan.
“I guess I knew when I was little that I wanted to be a nurse, but it wasn’t until she died I knew I wanted to be a doctor.” Lina said, glancing over at him. She wanted to be the one to do the saving. To save people from the brink of death, like she wished she would have been able to do for her mother. “It lets me get away with being bossy.” She said in amusement as she looked over at him. He looked rather cute all bundled up over there, and Lina was pretty sure he’d be out in maybe another hour if she had to guess. She thought about slipping him some more morphine for his pain, but she didn’t think he’d take too kindly to it, even if it was just a small dose to let him sleep for a few more hours. He was going to want something for the pain though and Ibuprofen was not going to cut it. Not with a bullet hole in his gut.
Lina focused on making breakfast then, frying up the ham slices, popping the bread in the toaster and scrambling up eggs. Once she was done and had it served up, she walked up behind the sectional and handed James his plate. She then got him a glass of water and set it on the coffee table. She then came and sat on the edge of the couch beside him, fixing him with a look he was going to realize was her “bossy doc” look. “I want to give you something for the pain. It’ll help you sleep more. I won’t give you a lot, just enough to take the edge off.” She told him. The stern look she gave him quickly turned to concern and her eyes softened as she looked at him. She didn’t like seeing him like this. “I will dutifully stay by your side while you sleep, and be there when you wake up.” She told him. Knowing the agent in him wouldn’t want to be out for long, and want her close by. “With as injured as you are, I can promise you I won’t be leaving the house.” She told him reassuringly as she picked up a slice of toast and started nibbling on it.
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The smirk returned at her reply as he simply rested there; half laying down but still somewhat propped up against the back of the couch. Oh yes, he felt like he could probably sleep again, finding this spot to be a lot more comfortable than he had anticipated, but he was trying to avoid it. At least until he was able to eat, then he’d think about it. He was still worried about sleeping too much. James would remain stationary if he had to, if that would make her feel better, but he couldn’t sleep the whole day away.
He also wasn’t sure what would happen in three days. What if they had to part ways again, and for forever? He needed this time with her. He needed as much time as he could get while this strange, selfish feeling lasted.
That small grin would fade though when she mentioned her mother. Lina hadn’t mentioned her except briefly one time...but with how the mood changed and the words she spoke, he was beginning to understand things a bit more. Her father hadn’t just abused her and her sister, and perhaps that should have been obvious. And he didn’t want to ask what had happened, although he was easily assuming things now. Soon, she was attempting to lighten the mood the conversation had gone, and offered a light, sleepy grin. “I’ve been under the impression...that you haven’t needed an excuse to be bossy…” His lips quickly pressed together as though he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He was chuckling lightly then- she wouldn’t hit him, because he was injured. He was sure of it.
James was close to dozing off again when she brought the food over, and he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until that moment. He had barely eaten anything the last couple of days and was grateful for this. Murmuring his thank you before he began to eat, he carefully sat up just a little bit more but was still somewhat lazily lying back. Just not enough to make it a choking hazard. He was lifting some more eggs to his mouth, where he stopped halfway upon seeing the “bossy look” she was throwing at him. What now?
Well, he knew this was coming. She’d have him drugged and knocked out 24 hours a day if he allowed it. James let out a long sigh, chewing that bite of egg while he thought about it. Arguing would probably get him nowhere, and again, he trusted Elliot to have built this place like a damn fortress. After a moment, he finally spoke. “Not a lot,” he repeated her own words to verify. “Please. I’ll be a good patient, I promise…” He flashed her a slight grin. “But I’ve been worse than this, understand. I can deal with a little pain.” At times, he’s had to actually deal with a lot worse when he didn’t have access to proper painkillers. “Just...if I do pass out...make sure you have Elliot’s gun near you. At all times.” For some reason, her toast looked a lot tastier, so he reached out to try and snag it from her as she was taking that bite.
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Lina’s head went up and down, in agreement. “Not a lot.” She confirmed. He grinned at her, and she gave him a small smile while she chewed on that toast. She reaaaaallly didn’t need to know he’d been far worse than this. Imagining him far worse? It turned the toast she was eating into sawdust in her mouth, and she felt sick. What sort of life did James live that he’d had far worse than a bullet to the gut?
“I don’t like knowing you're in pain…” She said softly, averting her eyes for the moment. She didn’t realize how terrified she had been last night. Seeing, and knowing it was James she was pulling that bullet out of had shaken her more to her core than she thought possible. She never wanted to have to go through that again. But she also knew, she’d patch him back up in a heartbeat if she could be the one to save him.
She turned her eyes back to him as he asked her to make sure she kept Elliot’s gun next to her. She scoffed then, and then lifted her toast out of his reach. “You have your own!” She scolded, even though there was a smile on her face. “I don’t need Uncle's gun,” She told him. She took another bite of the toast before she set it on his plate. She was losing her appetite with remembering last night. “I have my own, I can use just fine.” She gave him a pointed look before she stabbed a piece of egg and brought it to her mouth. “I did bring it with me.” She chewed on it, making herself eat even though she really didn’t want to. She didn’t want James worrying about her when he needed to rest.
Lina ate as much as her stomach would let her, before she stood up and would take their plates and go put them in the kitchen, before she grabbed the morphine and needle. She came back and tightened an elastic to his upper arm to cut off his circulation for the moment, and then drew then used the syringe to take out the small amount she promised to him. “Not a lot.” she said holding it up so he could see with his own eyes. She’d wait for him to hold his arm out for her, or would pull it towards her herself if he didn’t. After injecting him with it, she’d put the meds away before she came back, pulling the blanket up under his chin and essentially tucked him in before she ran her hand through his hair. Sleep, I’ll be here.” She murmured before kissing his forehead. To prove to him that she was staying put, she stretched out on the space next to him, wrapping an arm carefully around his middle, and rested her head on his shoulder.
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He chuckled softly as he was denied the toast, deciding to eat his own instead. His expression would soften a little, though, when she confessed she hated seeing him in pain. He hated being in pain, yet he wouldn’t voice it. Who really did, anyway? “I’ll be alright,” he quietly reassured her. “I’ve got you here.” James wasn’t just saying that to ease any worry, even if it eased some of his own. She’d look after him, and he’d do his best to keep returning the favor. Not that he planned on getting banged up again as to need medical attention, but...one never knew in this line of work.
That smirk reappeared when she stated she had her own gun, even knew how to use it. He had gathered that much, but still rose both brows up in gesture to show that he was impressed. “Yer ahead of the game then. You’ll be my own guardian angel.” Perhaps, if time ever allowed, he’d see how well she could fire an actual gun and not some silly carnival one. It also probably shouldn’t have, but the mere idea of it deepened that lingering attraction. So sue him.
He ate whatever he was able to stomach, which wound up being more than he thought. That was promising, no? He still couldn’t stay awake as much as he wanted, however, and he knew the morphine was only going to make him drowsier. But he’d relent; settling back to lay out a bit more comfortably and willingly offering up his arm. He only sighed a little in protest. Just a little bit. It was easier to stay calm and give in to sleep when she was carefully curling up beside him. His one arm slipped beneath her shoulders and curled around her waist to keep her securely there. Once he was fully asleep, she’d probably be able to sneak away if she wanted to, but until then, she was his hostage. He’d need that warmth and comfort to assure himself it was okay to drift off, even for a short while.
After a couple of minutes, he felt the drug really begin to kick in and his eyelids were getting heavy. He rested his head atop hers where he pressed a light kiss, voice low and groggy as his voice gently broke the quiet, “I wish...that I could always...have you here.” James barely realized he said anything and probably wouldn’t remember it whenever he woke up. He was essentially confessing he wanted her around, in his life, but didn’t think he’d be so fortunate enough for it to happen. It was that thing he “wasn’t allowed”. All those “what ifs'' were plaguing him even as he smiled and joked. They were always there, and he was just waiting for her to realize she was better off. “I’d keep you, lass...I would.” Alright, drug brain, you can stop talkin’ now. It wasn’t long before he was finding sleep once again, and he wouldn’t wake up for another few hours.
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Lina was focusing on the steady rhythm of James breathing as they laid there and he got comfortable. She took comfort being like this with him. With the excitement of last night and the still lingering questions, she wanted something to calm her, and that was James. He was safe. Always safe, and that feeling wasn't going anywhere.
She thought he’d finally fallen asleep when he rested his head against her and placed a kiss onto her head. It was nice, and a bit of normalcy she’d never really had even with being married to Steven. He didn’t cuddle, and really only touched her unless he wanted something. This with James? She was going to remember it, even if he was injured and she never saw him again after all this. That was a thought she didn’t want to have. When he quietly spoke, Lina was staring at the back of the couch from where her head rested. She tended at hearing his words, breath catching. He was certainly drugged, she could tell by the slight groggy slur. Still, she couldn’t help but feel he was at least being honest with her. Telling her something he wanted, which was to be with her, but didn’t know if it could happen. Her heart seized and she snuggled closer, being as careful as she could. “...I’d keep you lass, I would.” He spoke. “Then why don’t you…?” She murmured quietly. She didn’t have to think about it, she just said it. But….James was asleep. But that didn’t mean she didn’t mean it. She wanted the same thing.
“Oh, James…” she whispered softly. She rested a hand on his collar bone, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’d stay with you. For as long as you’d let me.” She spoke quietly in the silence. “I don’t know what this feeling is but you're really the only person I think I’ve ever felt completely safe with. And I met you Tuesday.” There was a slight smirk to her lips as she thought about it. She tilted her head back slightly to look at his sleeping face before she reached up to gingerly touch his face. “I need you James. Like a person needs air, I can’t explain, I just do so...dying on me isn’t allowed.” She whispered. Was she talking to herself? Nah. She was just telling the unconscious man holding her how she really felt without any qualms. Closing her eyes, she settled in against him, and it wasn’t long before Lina was dozing. Having not slept as long as she could have. She woke up later than she intended. If she had to guess it was about noon, maybe one o’clock.
She peaked up to look at James who seemed to still be asleep. Stretching against James, she placed a quick kiss to his chest and then slowly untangled herself from him. She decided to do some more cleaning, moving the laundry that had gotten started the night before to the drier and then cleaned up the breakfast mess. She padded into the master bedroom then and dug her gun out of her backpack. Keeping her promise to James to have it available at all times, before she slipped into the bathroom.
Ten minutes later she had a towel wrapped around her hair and her body. While she stepped out of the bathroom and spotted their bags. She eyed James’s suitcase, and pursed her lips. If they were on the run, he couldn’t do it with a suitcase. They had to have an extra backpack around here somewhere… she made sure her towel was good and tight, she set the gun down before she opened up the closet, up on the top shelf was an old military grade backpack that still had Elliot’s WALSH patch velcroed to it. She reached up and pulled it down. It was a bit dusty, but that wasn’t a surprise considering where it lived. She noted how heavy it was before she tossed it on the floor and it landed with a loud THUMP that startled her. Something was still in it she realized and she wandered over, holding the towel in place as she sat cross legged on the floor, and unzipped it. There was a small metal box in it, with a latch. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if she should be going through her uncle's belongings, but she was curious, and given all the secrets she’d apparently had kept from her, she wanted some answers.
She pulled it out into her lap, and then slowly unlatched it. There was a snap as the spring jumped into place against the upper lid, and she pulled it open. Her eyes went wide in surprise at what she found and her fingers shook slightly as she reached in to hold up the old photograph. It was old, worn, and looked like it had been folded up several times, and like it had lived in a wallet or a pocket before it found its way to live in the metal box. But despite the old wear and tear she recognized two of the three faces in the photo. She bit her lip and there was a small smile on her face as she stared at the much younger versions of her uncle, mom, and a woman she didn’t know. They were all leaning against the railing of a pier by the look of things. Her mom had a high poofy ponytail, wearing pink shorts and a striped top, while a clean shaved, dark haired Elliot had a rolled up white shirt and jeans with the bottoms rolled up, and the woman she didn’t recognize was wearing a bright yellow dress. Elliot stood between them with his arms around both of them, and they were all grinning at the camera. Or at least most of them. Elliot seemed to be preoccupied grinning like a mad man while he looked at the woman in the yellow dress instead of the camera. Lina flipped the picture over and had to fight tears at seeing her moms handwriting.
Katie, Elliot, and our new friend Annie
San Diego 1982
Lina set the picture aside and looked down to see a ton more, she stuck her hand in and then pulled out the next photo. She set the box on top of the bag and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs while she stared at the photo between her fingertips. Her heart broke as she stared at it.
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If only he had been alert enough to have heard those words from her. Would it have made things better...or worse? Would it have made this need to remain with her more dire? He shouldn’t want it, he kept telling himself this, and yet every time he looked at her he knew how much it was going to hurt to have to let her go. It was safer for her to be away from him once this was all done. She deserved better. He was a magnet for death and destruction now, and that was no life. She had to get some sort of semblance of her old life back and continue on. He needed her to.
Yet, he still held onto her while he rested as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
James slept for a few hours, waking up slowly without being startled by nightmares this time. He had dreamed, but it had been nothing devastating or terribly vivid, and he was already forgetting them the moment his eyes opened; his gaze immediately finding the large windows and the sunlit forest outside. Lina wasn’t there at his side, she wasn’t in the rest of the living room or the kitchen. Forcing himself not to panic yet, Jay slowly sat up and tried wiping away the sleep from his face before carefully rising up from the couch. The blanket fell from his shoulders as he shuffled his way towards the bedroom. If he couldn’t shower, he at least wanted to change out of those jeans. But the moment he slowly stepped into the doorway he found her there seated on the floor; a backpack and a metal box right next to her. She was holding a piece of paper- no, a photo maybe. “Lina?” Blue eyes were still blinking away the sleep as he approached, carefully lowering himself to a knee.
He spotted that first photo right away, grinning softly at immediately recognizing the old naval officer. Except, he was young and not a grey hair in sight. “Wow, Elliot was a bit of a fox, wasn’t he?” he murmured jokingly before his eyes finally adjusted and his mind was a bit more awake to notice that something seemed off. His brow furrowed. “You alright?”
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Lina rested her chin on her knee, while she looked at the photo of her mom from her graduation by the looks of things. She was so young, but she had the same dark eyes she and Marie had. The same face shape and full lips. She’d been beautiful. And her dad had killed her. Taken her from Lina and Marie. It had been sixteen years since she was gone. And yet Lina could remember her last day as if it had been yesterday.
She heard James’s voice then, and she slowly glanced over at him while he lowered himself on a knee. She watched him like a hawk to make sure he didn’t do anything that would pull out those stitches and glanced at the picture he was referring to. She picked it up and held it up to him. “My mom is in the pink shorts, and who I can only assume is my aunt is in the yellow dress.” She explained softly. “You should look at the back.” And said with a small smirk. How funny was it that Lina and James were in San Diego years later after them. She blinked some of the tears that were in her eyes away and then handed over the picture she had been looking at.
“That’s my mom.” She said softly. “I was trying to find a backpack and found Elliot’s old one, but it had this box in it.” She explained. She looked back into and went shuffling around and pulled out the next one, laughing. It was an old Polaroid and of a toddler and an infant covered from head to toe in jelly from the disaster of that was their jellied toast apparently. “Glad to know I’m not as messy as I once was.” She giggled before showing him.
Helina & Marie
Eli’s 1993
She spotted another in the box that made her heart seize and she reached down and picked it up. “Sly fox indeed, he knew how to clean up good.” She said in mild amusement but there was a sadness to her eyes as she showed James one of Elliot’s wedding photos. The same woman in the yellow dress was now wearing white and they looked at each other. The adoration that Elliot had on his face was clear. “Did he ever tell you what happened to her?” She asked quietly. Wondering how much Elliot had told his “Kit” about his life at home. She reached up adjusting the towel she had on her head as she felt it shift, before she looked sadly down at the photo. “I never knew her. Mom said she died two years before I was born.” She explained, before her eyes went up to James.
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Old family photos. That’s what she was looking at, so it made sense that she’d be a little emotional over it, he supposed. James didn’t have such keepsakes, just a few photos here and there stored on his phone or the cloud. It was too risky to carry such precious things with him on the job. His mother would have all the memories that he had probably forgotten. Every now and then, Juliet would message him when she recalled something, or found a photo that had her in stitches. It was a rarity these days, and he recalled again that he hadn’t heard from her in awhile. He was going to have to make sure they were alright- maybe he could get a hold of Elliot to ask that he see if someone could, yes, go all the way to Scotland and check in on them. The old man probably already wrangled Sully into things, so Jay couldn’t easily ask him. He also didn’t want him around his sister…
“Annie…” he said quietly, fondly, as if he had actually known the woman. Truth was, he never did nor had he ever seen a photo of her before, but he knew about her because of Elliot. The sailor adored the woman, even years after her death. That much had always been so very clear, and it was admirable. Sad, but admirable. Taking the photo, he turned it around at her suggestion to notice the handwriting scribbled on the back. San Diego. That made him chuckle softly. Were he any other kind of person, he would have chalked everything up to fate, how such a small world it was...but that would simply hurt his hope again. Instead, he pushed those thoughts aside before he moved, once again sluggish and careful as he sat beside her, using the closet door to lean against for support.
Lina was handing him another photo, one that seemed to be bringing tears to her eyes, and he examined it closely. Her mother. He could tell immediately without her even having to say so. “She was beautiful,” he said, carefully placing the photo aside. “You look just like her.” Bright eyes were drifting to the box full of memories as he casually sat there on the floor with her before lifting to her face. She was completely absorbed in this task; she hadn’t even gotten dressed yet after her shower, and he was cold just looking at her. Were he not surprisingly comfortable (or too tired to care), he might have gotten up to find a shirt for himself. For her as well.
At the Polaroid, he was snatching it from her hand to get a closer look, suddenly bursting out into laughter. “This one needs to be framed. It needs to be front and center somewhere…” His eyes moved around as if trying to find an empty spot on a shelf or a wall like he was going to somehow hang it up right then and there. The next photo, and how her voice had softened, his attention was back on her and the other photograph she gazed at. It was Elliot and Annie on their wedding day, and even he felt a pang in his heart, his expression sobering immediately. “He never told me, no,” he answered her quietly, tilting his head towards her to get a better look at the photo. “But he spoke of her often. Always enamored, but...there was no denyin’ the sadness in his eyes.” For a while it actually kept James from ever wanting that, because it was a frightening thought to have something so precious, only to lose it. It was devastating. And somehow, Elliot pushed on. Never willing to try and find a love like that again. James sat up straight again, leaning his head back against the closet door. “Always wondered why he never remarried or found someone else, but after years in the agency…” He shrugged his uninjured shoulder lightly. “I think I get it.” Of course, with Elliot, James guessed that it was far more than just the agency making it impossible for such a life. That man genuinely loved and adored Annie, and in his eyes, there would never be anyone else.
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Lina turned slightly to face him so he could look at the picture better. She let a sad sigh out, remembering what her mom had told her all those years ago. “Truth be told, I never actually got to see Elliot a lot as a kid. He was in the service, or-agency. I dunno. But he was never around save for once a year or something. Mom talked to him more than Marie and I did, but he would always send us a birthday card.” She rested her chin on her forearm as she rested it on top of her knee. “I asked mom one day if he had ever been married or had a family, and she’d told me he’d been married once. Annie.” She smiled softly. “She went into early labor. Her and their son passed.” She said quietly. “He would have been two years older than me.” She explained. “Mom said after she died a piece of Elliot died with her. He healed sure, but mom said Annie had been his one and only. There wasn’t a love that would ever compare to hers, so he just threw himself into work.” She glanced at James, her eyes settling on his tired face.
“Marie and I became his kids, she told me. And when Mom died, Elliot had to fly all the way in from Europe or something. He retired shortly after and was the proud guardian of two preteen girls. You can imagine how much he enjoyed that.” She smirked. “It took us months to warm up to him, but he was honestly the best.” Her smile grew. “And then, I think I was nearly out of med school when he started telling us stories about this wiley fox of a man named Kit, who he wanted to throttle every five seconds.” She began to laugh. The humor slowly died down then, as Lina did some quick math in her head, and she had a sinking realization that made her uneasy. “He didn’t retire did he? When Marie and I stayed with him. He kept working...for this agency?” She asked. That would explain his long fishing trips… What else had he lied about? Or just not told her? She wanted to be angry, to fume at all the lies. Steven had lied to her, and it was one of the things that had driven her to divorce him. But to also know that the man who’d practically been her stable father figure had also lied? The logical side of her knew it was to keep her safe. The more she didn’t know the better, but...it was scary. The whole situation was scary.
She finally realized how cold it was getting down on the ground and picked up the picture and put them back in the box. Closing it, before she stood up. She set it on the nightstand and then turned to James. He shouldn’t have been on the floor either, and she walked over, holding her hands out to him to help him up. “I don’t advise a shower or a bath, but I’ll wash your hair at least for you.” She offered. She could also leave him with a sponge and he could give himself a sponge bath if he really wanted. He really did look like hell, from the bruising, to the tiredness on his face, and some of the grime. “Might make you feel a bit better.” She smiled softly at him.
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His attention drifted back to her as she began to say more, and his adoration for the old sailor only deepened. James had known some of this, just snippets of whatever Elliot had dared to tell him once he trusted him enough, but he never pried further. Even if he had been curious about what Annie had done to receive that man’s complete devotion and praise. Maybe it was none of his business to know, but he couldn’t help but wonder. But then his throat tightened when Lina told him what happened, that Elliot had lost both wife and child and his expression saddened even more.
How did the sailor even survive that? Were he to guess, his family kept him sane. He may have lost his son, his wife, and later his sister...but he had two lovely girls to love and care for. Horrible circumstances, for certain, but it was still something. “I...couldn’t even imagine,” he stammered out quietly. “I couldn’t imagine losin’ them at the same time, let alone...even havin’ that to begin with.” Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. Nope, he wasn’t going to go there, but he was sure that the feeling was just the same as if he lost his mother and Juliet. Still family. Still painful. Still something he didn’t ever want to think about. James had plans to die before those two because he knew he would not be able to handle it the other way around. He’d already witness his father’s death...he couldn’t do that again.
James fell silent again while she continued, and he was only grinning faintly but his attention was in front of him. It was kind of amusing to picture a younger Elliot attempting to take care of two teen girls. Boy, did he wish he could have witnessed that. His grin grew, curling a corner of his mouth and those blue eyes shifted sidelong to her at the mention of his nickname. “He was my mentor in the agency, taught me everythin’ I know. Thought he was gonna kill me a few times...I didn’t like the rules much.” A pause, he looked thoughtful for a second. “I still don’t.”
Then, suddenly, the mood changed a little. He could sense it before he saw the realization of things change her face. James sighed. “He couldn’t right away,” he began, hoping by explaining she wouldn’t hold an ounce of ill will towards her uncle. Maybe she didn’t anyway. “You can’t just...get up and leave. You can’t do what I’ve done. The agency needs to let you go. Sometimes it’s age, sometimes it’s injury. Sully retired because he was too injured to return, and he’s only a couple years older than me.” Another sigh, he looked down at his hands in thought. “You’re either unnecessary and trustworthy enough to be let go...or you stay until you die out in the field.” By how quiet he got, that was exactly what he expected to happen to him. Only now, he was probably going to die by their hands, whether now or later.
Barely realizing she had gotten up until she spoke, his eyes were drifting up her towel covered form to her face. Then he literally whined in annoyance when she stated that he couldn’t shower. Maybe if he just wiped himself down and shaved, it would help. Reluctantly, he took her hands to slowly get back up to his feet. “I’m beginnin’ to look homeless. But I will not complain about feelin’ yer fingers through my hair.” It was soothing and comforting, even if it would probably make him fall asleep again.
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James’s explanation as to Elliot not retiring when she thought he had made her more uneasy. She quickly gathered you either had to be lucky and or terrifying enough to live to get the retirement that you deserved. A life. You had to fight to get the life you finally deserved. Knowing that Elliot had made it to his retirement caused her even more uneasiness and she remembered that look on his fact last night as he dragged that body in without a second thought. How those normally kind blue grey eyes had something darker, meaner in them as he had asked James why he had to kill an agent. Because he had been coming to kill Lina. Was she going to see more of a side to her uncle, and James for that matter, in the coming days that she didn’t know existed? She didn’t know if she wanted to see that. But still...At least Elliot and James were on her side.
Lina giggled at his whine, but she felt for him. She’d want a shower too, but he couldn’t risk getting his stitches wet yet, and unfortunately they weren’t in a spot he couldn’t easily wrap in a plastic bag to keep dry.
She tugged him up, keeping her hands in his and gave them a squeeze. “You're just getting that rugged Scotsman look. I dunno I kiiiiiinda like it.” She said with a small smirk and she reached up to scratch his chin gently and feel the bristles of his coarse incoming beard. She leaned up on her tiptoes so her lips were near his ear. “It’s kinda hot.” She murmured in a teasing tone. She almost made a comment about how she’d gladly keep her fingers in his hair if he let her, but she didn’t want to put those ideas in his head. Especially if he was hurt, the idiot might try and do something really stupid on her then.
“Let me at least put a shirt on first.” She told him, remembering she was only wearing a towel. She turned her head and kissed his cheek quickly, before she moved to where she had put her backpack. Tossing off the towel on her head, her damp hair fell around her shoulders and retrieved a shirt and pair of underwear, slipping the underwear on first, she looked over her shoulder to see if James was still there or if he’d wandered to the bathroom. If he was, she’d shoo him towards the bathroom before she let the towel drop and slip her arms through the shirt, and pulled it down over her head. She then walked into the master bath and over to the giant tub that could easily fit a small family in it. She got a smaller towel and rolled it up, for James to cushion himself on and set it on the edge of the tub before she flipped the water on and It rushed out in a small roar.
“Okay come lean over.” She pointed to the towel while she stood up and got the shampoo out of the shower and hunted down a washcloth, before leaving to go find a cup. After a couple minutes she came back with a plastic cup. “Ready for your spa treatment?” She asked with a smile as she came to sit on the edge of the tub.
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Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have elaborated...but he was being honest. She needed to understand what the agency was, what they were capable of, and that her uncle probably would have left that very same day when he took her and Marie in if he could have. Elliot loved his girls- even James knew that. The man had to do what he had to do for those he loved. And yes, she might soon see more of that dark side. In both Elliot and himself. A side he did not want her to see.
He only wobbled slightly on his feet once he stood up, but he wasn't dizzy. That was good. The morphine was beginning to wear off, too, but he was a bit too preoccupied with her words and smiles to really care right now. She was making it easy to forget that he had a hole in his side yesterday. “Oh yeah?” he asked when she mentioned she kind of liked it, even if he felt like a scruffy vagabond who didn’t even know what a shower was. The grin returned, and she was making him wobble just slightly again with that murmured comment at his ear. Um, for not wanting to put those kinds of thoughts in his head, she was doing a poor job of it. Because he would be stupid enough once he was fully awake, pain or no pain. That would have been a very nice distraction. “You only live once” or whatever the phrase was.
His arm was already sneaking around her waist somewhat subconsciously, wanting to pull her close before she was preparing to step away from him. There was that low, airy growl of protest as she drifted away. “I mean...you don’t have to,” James tried to argue, but it was a very poor argument. It had him laughing at himself as he would then, purposely, take his time to walk to the bathroom. He was injured, after all...but it was clear that he was being far slower on purpose. That stupid smirk was giving that away. Once she was shooing, he’d finally disappear from view, closing the bathroom door a bit to assure her that he wasn’t peeping, even if the thought crossed his mind briefly.
While he was in there, he moved to the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. Damn, he did look like shit. Fingers idly examined the gauze over his wounds, his bruised and bare torso before sighing in knowing the injuries were just going to be added to the collection of scars and other markings all over his body. He frowned, sighing lightly before she was stepping inside. Moving over to the tub, he carefully lowered himself down before leaning over the edge. An arm was outstretched to catch some of the water in his hand to splash it on his face, and he was sighing again. This time in relief. “It’s the l’il things…” he commented softly. One didn’t realize how fortunate they were for showers and the like until they couldn’t take one or have access to one easily. Lina might have to keep a close eye on him, because he might be very tempted to just crawl into that tub without notice.
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After getting the temperature of the water right, Lina took the cup, and held it under the running water. Filling it up before she placed a hand gently between James shoulder blades and slowly poured the cup over his head. She took the bottle of shampoo and squirted out a little onto her palm, rubbed her hands together and then gently began to massage the soap in James' hair. She was gentle about it, but she could tell it had been a few days since his last shower and made sure to really scrub at his scalp. She hummed softly as she washed his hair and then filled the cup up again to rinse it. Removing any soap left behind. “Stay put.” She ordered as she stood up and went to the shower, grabbing the bar of soap, she came back and lathered the wash cloth she had found with the soap.
She then gently moved it over the back of his neck, washing his skin, and making sure she got behind his ears as well before she scrubbed the sides of his neck. She rinsed the cloth out and then went back over his suddy skin, wiping away any soap, before she repeated the process. She had to move to see better, so she got on her knees beside him as she washed his back. Moving her hand in slow gentle circles as she did what she could. It wasn’t a full shower, but hopefully he’d feel less gross. As she wiped the soap away from his back she couldn’t help but lean forward and place a kiss on his spine between his shoulder blades. “How’s your pain?” She murmured against his skin. Knowing the morphine was probably worn off by now. She contemplated asking him if he wanted more, but would see how he was feeling first. She moved herself a bit closer, moving a leg over his so she could have better access to his shoulders, and placed her hands up by the nape of his neck. Gently she began to massage the sore and tense muscles, before her hands gently spread to his shoulders, trying to ease any tension and get him to relax as best she could. “You can turn over, I’ll wash the other side.” She said gently. Placing a kiss on his shoulder as she moved.
If and when he turned, Lina would take the towel he’d used as his cushion and unravel it before she would drape it around his head, and then gently towel dry his hair, before she took the wash cloth and carefully began to wash around the bandages he had on his injured arm.
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Leaning there, he began to almost go limp draped across the side of the tub at feeling the warm water rushing over his head. Her fingers through his hair also made it very hard to even want to move. It was like he was melting, actually quite comfortable even though it probably didn’t look like it. James also figured that, if he didn’t move, he wouldn’t agitate the wound at his side.
He did, however, chuckle lightly when she told him to stay put, as if she knew that he might just climb right into that tub, even in his jeans. His hand went back under the faucet, and he lightly flicked some droplets of water in her direction as she was slipping away to get the soap. She didn’t have to do anymore though, he could have wiped himself down but he sighed in contentment regardless. She was being too good to him right now and he was struggling to argue because it was making him feel a bit better. He felt a little more human. “You really don’t hav- okay...” He tried to tell her he could do it, but it felt nice, and the gentle kiss against his skin made him change his mind immediately. James was basically putty in her hands now, her breath making those goosebumps rise up along his back again. She better watch herself.
He was slow to answer her as he finally lifted his head up a bit, “Tolerable.” And it was the truth. Of course he was in pain, but he didn’t feel like he was in danger of getting dizzy or passing out, which he assumed was a very good thing. It could also be that he was too focused on her massaging fingers taking the tension away to notice much of the pain. He groaned tiredly when she told him to turn over, and he was slow to do so but complied; eventually turning enough to face the other direction and lazily lean back against the tub. A grin as she towel dried his hair, he simply left it draped on his head while she carefully wiped him down, wary of the bandages. “Do all yer patients get this five star treatment?” he teased, his stupid grin visible from underneath the towel that was shielding most of his face. He could move it, but why bother?
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Dark eyes flickered up to look at him, and she couldn’t help but laugh at seeing him with the towel still on his head as he looked at her. She could see his grin underneath the towel, and shook her head as she chuckled. She ran the cloth over his chest, and leaned in a bit, pulling the side of the towel up. “Only the cute Scotsmen.” She said. Sneaking in a quick kiss to his cheek, before she let the towel drop down on his face. “I must admit, you're the first one I actually like giving a sponge bath too.” She said as her smirk grew. She reached across him, leaving no piece of skin unturned unless it was covered with a bandage.
She glanced down at his jeans, covering his lower half. And arched an eyebrow before she slowly turned her head to look at him. “You’re going to have to wash the lower bits if you want those clean, but I’ll find you new pants.” She told him. She couldn’t help but chuckle at him again, seeing the towel over his head and reached up to gently clean his face. Taking a corner of the washcloth and brushing it gently over his nose, and over his cheeks. Gently wiping at his brow. For a moment she was caught up in what she was doing. Remembering that she’d memorized every line and plane of his face a few days ago, and yet right now it seemed like she hadn’t even bothered as she was rediscovering it. Lina’s dark eyes found those bright blues under the towel and she nearly got swept away in their blue depths again. She rubbed his cheek with her thumb and smiled softly at him before she ran the cloth over his stubbled jaw. “Do you want to shave?” She asked him. “I can go get your razor or find you a new one.” She spoke softly, as she lowered her hand.
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“Oooh, I see,” he murmured in amusement. She was sneaking in a kiss to his cheek where he tried to snatch her lips but was too slow. The towel promptly fell back over his eyes again. If this continued, he might start quoting Obi-Wan Kenobi, shrouded in his Jedi robe. Half shrouded, anyway. At her admittance, he raised a hand so that a finger could lift the edge of the towel in order for him to look at her with one eye; his brow arched up in curiosity. “And why’s that?”
That smirk of his became cheeky as her gaze dropped. In pain or not, he was still prepared to tease and joke. “This is a half-arsed sponge bath, doc. I’m just sayin’...” Oh no, it was fine. He needed to keep his wits about him...and that? That wouldn’t go well. Well, at least, he’d probably be in a bit more pain after. Still, that other feeling was arising as she gently wiped at his face, allowing him these short moments to watch her again without the need to shy away, without feeling embarrassed about it. Those thoughts and feelings needed to stop, he knew this, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore them. There was something about Lina that always brought him pause, always made him look, always made him wonder and hope.
And he didn’t want it to stop.
He was gently snatching that hand when she pulled it away, pressing another kiss to the inside of her wrist as he contemplated her question. It was something about shaving, that’s how much he could recall now, but he was distracted by the scent of her skin. “Should I...shave?” James canted his head slightly, a smirk once more curling his mouth, still unfazed by the towel still atop his head.
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Lina had smirked and slightly shook her head at his half assed sponge bath comment. She wasn’t going to go there with him. He didn’t need that while he was trying to recover from a gunshot. “I’ll try again when you're better.” She murmured. Raising eyebrows slightly at him. Was there a hint of a promise in her eyes? Maybe. She could be very thorough when she wanted to be. James would just have to really work on getting better for that sponge bath redo if he really wanted it.
His fingers grabbing her hand had her still as she watched him place that kiss on the inner part of her wrist. He was going to have to stop doing that. It made her brain turn to mush and sent shivers and tingles up her arm and down her spine. She tilted her head as she looked at him, that little smirk of his coming out from under the towel certainly made him look ridiculous and she bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing at him again. Instead she scooted closer tugging the towel up so she could hide under it with him. “I dunno, you were worried about feeling like a hobo.” She said softly as she smirked at him. She leaned in then, brushing lips gently against his. Teasing him a bit, and staying just out of his reach. “If you do keep it, I’d tidy it up here,” She bent her head to press her lips on the upper part of his throat and under his jaw. Her lips were pricked by his stubble but she didn’t mind it in the slightest. “Here,” She smirked as she looked at him with hooded eyes, and placed a kiss on his cheeks. Right where his beard line was. “Mmmm, maybe here.” She took her index fingers to brush around the corners of his mouth before one trailed over his lips lightly. “You might have to trim....” She lowered her head in closer and that smirk she had only grew. “Here.” She pressed her lips gently against his. Being mindful of where her body was so she wouldn’t hurt him. She pulled back, but didn’t go very far. Taking one of her hands to rest on the edge of the tub behind him so she could lean on it. “It’s up to you.” She told him with a smirk. “You….might not get a chance to shave again anytime...soon.” She said as the realization hit that they would be moving again possibly once Elliot showed up, and she didn’t know what type of things they’d have available to them. Enjoy these next three days while you have them, Lina… She thought to herself. She smiled softly at him. Not wanting him to worry about her.
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It was so very, very hard not to go there right now, even as tired as he was, even with the pain. Even despite how much he kept telling himself he had to just stop. Stop getting close to this woman. Naturally, it was a little difficult when he was apparently trapped in this cabin for three days, but still. He should know better. He shouldn’t be looking at her like that, shouldn’t be returning any kisses, soft or heavy. He shouldn’t be doing any of it.
But, for fuck’s sake, just lookit her!
He was only human. Yet, just talking with her, or knowing she was laying down at his side was clouding his judgement. Seriously, what was wrong with him lately? She was like every thought in the morning when he awoke, the last thought when he went to bed, and nearly every thought in between. Maybe he finally just snapped. He was broken. But now she was teasing him with words and kisses, and he completely forgot how to breathe. James had chuckled lightly when she joined him under that towel, but that mirth was swiftly gone to be replaced by something else.
His expression sobered, his heart pounding faster with each feathery kiss against his skin, her taunting words. “Aye, I was worried…” he managed a quiet reply to feeling like a hobo, but he didn’t seem to care much about it anymore. James drew that hand he still held hostage against his chest, lacing his fingers with hers as his other had found its way to her hip, kneading pliant flesh. His jaws were visibly clenching because he was trying to maintain control, but he knew he was no longer in the driver’s seat. She was toying with him, she was succeeding in her little game, and he was just letting her. Perhaps he was just a glutton for punishment.
The brief, light kiss wasn’t enough. So help him, he was going to make everything so much worse for himself. Lina spoke of chances and not having time later, and while she was talking about such a simple thing as shaving, it’s not what he was thinking about. “Alright...but in a minute.” Uncurling his fingers from her own, he yanked the towel away before his touch traveled up the length of her arm to softly grab the back of her neck; drawing her face down to his. Her mouth was his again in a deep, desperate kiss, like he had lost all logic, as though he were afraid he might not get the chance again, afraid he might come to his senses and forever stop...whatever this was. Maybe he didn’t know, or it was possible he was still out of it from the drugs. Whatever the case may be, he needed to kiss her; only pulling away when he felt himself getting to the point of no return. That was when he drew back to rest his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. James had this incredible urge to apologize again, and he didn’t know why.
It was going to be impossible to leave her, wasn’t it?
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He was right. They could most certainly wait a minute, or four, or an hour, or until tomorrow. The moment the towel was yanked off, Lina’s breath caught, and as James pulled her closer, she all but eagerly met his kiss to devour him. His desperation reflected her own, but she knew she had to be careful. She could only go so far with teasing the injured man before he’d do something really stupid that would make her feel bad later. Especially if he ripped those stitches…
Her free hand rested on his shoulder and it took every nerve in her body to not just straddle him there on the bathroom floor. Self control. She told herself though it was becoming increasingly difficult to show that self control. Oh, how she wanted him. Again, it felt like she hadn’t seen him in months, rather than a few days. She took her fill of him with as much as she could get away with, and James seemed to have a similar idea when they were nearing the point of no return.
She tried to catch her breath as the kiss broke and they sat there, foreheads touching as the sound of the water running was the only noise in the bathroom, save for their quick breaths. At least hers. She didn’t know what tomorrow or the next day would bring, and she was hell bent on spending whatever time she could with James. Whatever time the universe would allow them to be together. The idea of being parted from him again nearly sent her into a panic attack. Her heart clenching. The strong feelings she felt for him were scaring her. She never had these strong emotions towards one person before. These types of emotions at least.
She hadn’t opened her eyes yet but she did take a shuddering breath. “James Bishop, you scare the hell out of me.” She whispered admittedly. Finally opening her eyes to look at him. She took one of his hands and pulled the neck of her shirt down a bit to press it to her skin. So he could feel how rapidly her heart was beating because of him. There was a small smile as her lips curved up. “You make me crazy.” She said with an amused look before she kissed him again. Nipping playfully at his lips, before she pulled back. “You do this.” She squeezed the hand she held on her chest. “And it’s scary, but,” she leaned in and gave him a softer kiss. “I don’t regret it. Meeting you, even if we’re about to walk into hell.” She whispered, releasing his hand to caress the side of his face gently. She meant it too. She didn’t regret meeting him. She’d meet him all over again in San Diego if it meant reliving that time with him. She pulled his hand out of her shirt then, kissing his knuckles before she got up and sat on the side of the tub to turn the water finally off.
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Normally, his self control was far better than this. Normally, he wasn’t even in this damn situation to begin with. James didn’t get the chance to meet a lovely woman or spend time with her or even see if anything could come of it. The idea never crossed his mind in years. This was strange, and he was still wondering what was going to happen because there were so many dangers now. And staying with her meant he was just bringing more problems to her doorstep. He couldn’t deal with that. It wasn’t fair. He had to stop.
And for a moment, James thought she was going to make it a little easier for him. ‘James Bishop, you scare the hell out of me,’ she said with that staggering breath. It made him pause immediately, those bright eyes opening to regard her with a glint of pain. He knew what he was, what he was capable of, but the last thing he ever wanted to do was frighten her. In this brief moment of panic, he stared at her before he slowly began to realize what she meant. Lina brought his hand to her chest where he could feel that rapidly beating heart, and he realized it was beating as quickly as his own. Then, everything just got more difficult to ignore.
She was softly kissing him again, playfully nipping, and it was impossible to keep that worried look on his face. His expression was slowly beginning to change again, and she really had to stop before he was unable to control himself. ‘I don’t regret it. Meeting you, even if we’re about to walk into hell.’ Blues were still staring at her, almost taken aback by her words because it made every kind of emotion filter through him in that very second. There was that desire yet that need to simply hold her close. He was terrified but elated at the same time, unsure of how to feel about his presence basically messing up her life. That selfish thought came back, knowing he would do it all over again, even if he knew he was going to have to let her go. If he cared, he was going to have to do what was best for her.
And that wasn’t him.
His hands slipped away from her when she moved to sit on the edge of the tub and shut the water off. Everything suddenly felt deafeningly quiet, all except for the thundering of his heart which he feared she would somehow be able to hear. It pounded in his ears, and he ran a hand down his face in hopes of snapping himself out of this- whatever this was. For the first time in a while, James felt lost.
Distance yerself, mate, he silently kept telling himself. He had to stop kissing her and touching her, asking her about her life, everything. Yet every time he tried to, that overwhelming ache to simply have her near took over, becoming too much to ignore. He was fucking doomed. All that she had just said was exactly what she did to him, and he was too afraid to say so, wasn’t truly sure what to even say. Honesty was always the best policy...or so he’s heard.
Jay slowly shifted a little closer and she’d feel the sensation of his lips and stubble against her bare thigh. But it didn’t get any more lascivious than that. His good arm was moving to wrap around her waist again as he simply rested his head against her leg, his shoulders rising and falling with the heavy sigh he let out against her skin. “It’s fuckin’ scary,” he finally spoke up, shutting his eyes for a moment. “I don’t understand this, any of it. I never...expected it. And I know I’m goin’ to have to let you go…” Fingers curled into the fabric of her shirt at her waist, silently expressing that he didn’t want to and wasn’t ready to. He still couldn’t get it out of his head, this thought that he was undeserving. Perhaps, before he fled from the agency, there was a better chance of some sort of life, albeit a hard one...but now it felt hopeless. Jay didn’t know if he was going to have to keep running for the rest of his life, and he couldn’t ask the same of her. No matter how strong this sudden connection felt.
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The sensation of his stubble and lips sent tingles up Lina’s leg and she sat there. Feeling his breath on her thigh, her fingers immediately threaded into his hair. Running her fingers gently through it and slicking it back while he sighed at her. There was a tension in the air, and she didn’t know if she liked this tension. There seemed to be a lot going on in James' mind at the moment. He spoke finally, agreeing with her that the connection they had scared them both. That neither of them knew how to explain it. Her hand in his hair rubbed his shoulder gently.
She stilled as he said he’d have to let her go, and there was a part of her that panicked about it. No, no you don’t have to. It was yelling. She already knew from what he’d told her on the couch that he wanted to keep her. For them to stay together, but James still thought he didn’t deserve a life with her in it. It made her chest ache and she leaned down over him. Her damp hair falling down around them to act as a curtain of sorts from the outside world. “Then keep me in this time we have before Elliot shows up. Even if it’s going to hurt later, I want whatever time I’m allowed with you, James.” She said softly by his ear. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. So I’m going to be selfish for once. Are you?” She asked him. She wrapped her arm around him and rested her head on his. The position was awkward but she didn’t care. I’d keep ya lass...I would. He’d said thanks to the drugs, and it was knowing that bit of information that she wasn’t freaking out. She knew James felt the same, it was just a matter of trying to get him to believe he deserved her.
“You know you don’t have to let me go right?” She said ever so softly. “I’d stay...I want to stay.” She confessed. She pressed her lips into the spot behind his ear. Her fingers curling into his hair gently as she brushed it to the side. She didn’t want to rush him in getting up, and wanted him to have however long he needed just sitting there, so she’d stay, hunched over him, lightly drawing small designs on his shoulder until he made it to move.
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James was aware that his actions probably contradicted his words more than half the time. That was because he was conflicted. He allowed himself that moment of weakness and then a sliver of himself regretted it...if only because he knew how much it was going to hurt later. It was driving him crazy, and he didn’t know how to gain back that control.
Her fingers in his hair were going to lull him back to sleep if he wasn’t careful, especially when she leaned down to whisper against his ear, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine but also engulfing him in warmth. His arm around her seemed to tighten on its own accord, as though he was prepared to stay like this for the rest of the day. Her words- though they comforted him- made this all that much more difficult.
But when were things ever easy for him? Why should this moment now, Lina’s presence in his life, be any easier than what he’s already been used to? Why couldn’t he just accept it and let fate dictate everything else? It already had thus far. So, she posed the question: could he be selfish, more than he already thought he had been?
Unsure of what to say, he refrained from sighing again before she was speaking once more. That confession suddenly made his heart ache in a way he’d never felt before. No, Lina...you don’t want to stay. James wanted to move to look up at her, to get her to understand, but he was too afraid to look into those brown eyes because he knew they would just completely undo him. “I don’t think you understand what that would entail, love,” he told her quietly. So quiet that she wouldn’t have heard him if she wasn’t so close. After a moment, he finally sat up, still not looking over at her. “This runnin’...it will hopefully end fer you. Elliot and I will make sure of it. But fer me?” James paused then, slowly drawing himself up to his feet with a heaving sigh, flinching only slightly. He swallowed a lump in his throat before blue eyes finally turned to regard her. This may not end well fer me, he nearly said but dared not to. “I may not be able to stop runnin’. Ever.” The only way he saw that being possible was if he burned ACIS to the ground. Others had tried before...and they clearly hadn’t succeeded. Had other agents been able to slip off the agency’s radar? Sure, but it was few and far between...but James really pissed them off this time. “I need you to have yer life again, Lina. I need you to find yerself a good man ‘cause I’m sure as fuck gonna kill yer ex when I find him.” Was that a promise? If Elliot didn’t kill Steven first, James would. His jaws were clenching and he could feel his heart beginning to speed up again in rage at the mere thought of that man and all of this bullshit. “Ye’ll have yer clinic again, a family, a life without havin’ to worry about packin’ a bag and runnin’ when shit goes wrong. A normal life, Lina.”
He forced himself to stop talking then, shaking his head at his own idiocy before he’d leave her there in the bathroom to go in search of his luggage. The very least he could do now was keep busy- change, shave, maybe check out the surveillance room. Anything, so long as he stopped doing this to himself and to her. He couldn’t keep ping-ponging back and forth- it wasn’t fair. James either had to allow himself to be completely stupid and risk ruining Helina’s life even more, or put his money where his mouth is and stick to his guns, distancing himself.
He just didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore.
‘I’d stay...I want to stay.’
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If she hadn't been so close she probably wouldn’t have heard him, he was so quiet. And hearing what he had to say gave her this ominous feeling. This sense of foreboding she did not like. She didn’t want to say anything. Much rather wishing they could just stay put but he was moving and she had to let him up. She couldn’t just hover over him as much as she wanted to. He was so set on making sure she wouldn’t have to run anymore but what if they couldn’t get her that life? What if she was forced to keep running as well? He got up, still not looking at her. She bore her eyes into him, her chest felt tight. And she clenched her hands into the hem of her shirt.
He finally turned to look at her, and she stared into those ocean blues. Let me run with you. She wanted to tell him. If he had to keep running, then she wanted to run too. So he wouldn’t be alone. So he couldn’t be lonely, so she could be with him. James however didn’t want that apparently. Her hands just tightened more and her own jaw tightened as she stared at him.
He was threatening, no it was a promise, to kill Steven then, and that Lina needed to find a good man. Someone that could essentially give her a normal life and she nearly laughed. You're that man, you idiot. Her own anger was beginning to bubble up. She let James say his peace before he left her in the bathroom fuming. She’d never had a normal life. It was from one abused situation to the next. Elliot had been her small piece of heaven but even then that wasn’t normal. Being with Steven hadn’t felt normal. She’d been a shell of who she used to be after the divorce and for the last six months she’d been taking one day at a time with the clinic. Nothing felt normal. That is until James appeared. He was normal. It felt normal to be with him, and as she sat there she knew how crazy she sounded, but she knew deep in her soul there would be no one who could give her the normal he apparently so desperately wanted her to have. No one but him.
Her jaw was clenched almost painfully, as she sat there, boring her eyes into the linoleum floor. Lina had always been one to make her own self sacrifices for the sake of others. She hadn’t done anything for herself really. It was always work and whatever she could do for Elliot and Marie. And the one time, she wanted something for herself? She was being denied it because someone wanted her to have a normal life. Fuck you, James. She thought angrily. If he wasn’t hurt she’d probably get up and go beat her fist into his chest. The good man he didn’t think he was? This was him being a prime example of it. He was trying to protect her she knew, but she didn’t want protecting. She just wanted to stay with him, and he was going to torture them both by denying what their souls wanted.
She wasn’t going to fight him on it. He was nearly as stubborn as she was, and they would just keep going around in circles. It’s for the best Lina. Just...just stay to yourself and do what he asks. Shield yourself from some of the hurt that is going to destroy you later. She told herself. She felt herself breaking then, but she kept her face blank. Her jaw was beginning to be sore from how hard she was clenching it, but she didn’t let up. She stood, walking out from the bedroom, picking up her jeans from where she’d tossed them yesterday, she slipped them back on. She didn’t say a word to him, or look at him. Afraid she’d just yell at him, as she tried to get her anger under control. She grabbed her backpack and then picked her gun up from where she’d left it before she exited the room.
She didn’t say anything as she climbed the spiral staircase, going to the room that was hers. She pushed open the door, tossing her backpack at the foot of the bed before she kicked the door closed with a slam. At this point her breath was coming out in quick shallow breaths as she fought tears. No, she’d cried over this man enough. He didn’t deserve anymore of her tears. She set the gun on her desk and then crawled onto the bed, taking one of the fuzzy blankets she had, she pulled it up over her head, and then curled in on herself. Wrapping her arms around herself. This was for the best. It had to be. She bit down on her bottom lip, letting a shuddered breath out. Everything hurt, and everything ached. Knowing he was downstairs didn’t help matters. She needed the space at the moment. She didn’t know what she would do if he came up here. Yell, she’d probably yell at him for being an idiot. That’s what she would do. And beg. She’d beg him. She’d throw her pride away and beg him to let her stay. They needed the distance. The separation. To make things easier for what would probably ultimately happen. He’s leaving you this time, Lina. Not you. This time it’s him.
She didn’t know which hurt more.
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It took everything within him not to turn right back around or look at her when she finally emerged from the bathroom. His back was turned towards her and he was struggling to remain where he was. She was grabbing something and storming out. Briefly, he thought she might be foolish enough to leave the house, so his head turned so that eyes could trail her as she stomped her way over to the spiral staircase and to the room upstairs. He sighed when he heard the door slam, leaving him there to sit on the edge of the bed, running fingers through his damp hair.
He hated himself, and he sat there for what felt like forever just thinking about it and knowing he was being stupid. But he was scared. Although she was already somewhat wrangled into this whole mess, she didn’t have to be thrown in further. And that was what he was trying to protect her from...because he knew if he let this get too far, he’d never be able to step away. So, in a way, he was also trying to protect himself, as selfish as that was.
Honestly, he felt selfish either way.
James didn't know what to do with himself after he freshened up and shaved. And it was something he would continue to wonder about for the rest of the night and throughout the rest of the next day. But occasionally, he'd find his way into that surveillance room to have a look at things, impressed by how thorough Elliot had been. This place was, indeed, a fortress. Lina had, a couple of times, checked on his injuries in complete silence. James had been able to feel the anger radiating off of her, he could cut that tension between them with a knife.
Although he had wanted to say something, anything, he figured it would make matters worse...and the whole day was wasted in silence. As he lay in bed that night without her at his side, he began to slowly drift back into his usual solitude, knowing the next day would probably change everything when Elliot arrived. But he supposed nothing was to change, considering he "wanted this" and got his way.
The next morning on the third day, he was up before the sun. Seemed he was already falling back into routine. He cleaned himself up as best he could and made a quick, easy breakfast, ensuring there was some for her if she decided she wanted it. James felt helpless then as he stood near the large windows, watching as the sun rose up over the trees. It was so quiet and peaceful out here, and that pang of guilt hit him again. Dammit, he would just stay here forever.
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Lina figured being angry was the best way to deal with James. If she was mad, she wouldn’t want to cry, wouldn’t want to beg, wouldn’t want to kiss him senseless so he could see freaking reason. If she was mad at him she wouldn’t want him.
All of yesterday and the rest of the day before had nearly killed her, and her anger at herself just got worse and worse. How could she let this happen to herself? How could she allow him in and let him so easily take her well built walls down? He’d come in like a wrecking ball and left her in the wreckage of his chaos and was going to leave her with a broken heart. Leave himself with a broken heart. She was angry, and she was upset, but most importantly she was aching for him. She’d cried herself to sleep twice the last two nights because of him. Because she wanted him and he couldn’t let them stay together. No, it wasn’t anger she was feeling so strongly. It was the disappointment that had left a trench in her heart and being around him just made it deeper and deeper. Damn him. Damn him. She wanted to scream and yell all over this impossible man.
He was improving, she noted from what she’d seen of his injuries. His strength was getting back, which was something she liked to see, though she was too pissed at him to tell him. She’d cleaned every inch of the cabin from top to bottom in her frustration, and had their bags packed and ready whenever they needed to go. She’d set them out the night before since Elliot was supposed to come that day. She had wanted to enjoy her time here with James at the cabin, but instead, she’d spent it avoiding him and wanting to smack him. Which made her even more mad.
She got up early, brushing her hair and putting it up in a bun, she dressed in her usual jeans, her hiking boots, a t-shirt and took one of her old flannels she kept at the cabin to wear over the shirt. She found her gun holster and attached it at her hip, and then grabbed her backpack and headed down stairs. She paused at the top of the landing, seeing James was already up and looking out the window. She could see he’d made breakfast and she bit her tongue. That bitterness coming back tenfold as she stared at him.
She was supposed to come out of the master bedroom. Wearing one of his shirts and sleepily wrap her arms around him from behind. Pressing her face between his shoulder blades while she breathed in his scent. They were supposed to cuddle with a blanket and watch the sunrise together while they sipped their morning coffee. It was supposed to be the last happy moments she had with him before Elliot showed up. But no. He had to ruin it.
Lina all but growled as she stomped down the stairs. Her boots hitting the metal were loud, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to know how angry she was. She set her backpack by the kitchen island, next to the medical bag and then walked around and helped herself to breakfast. She sat at the island, quietly eating but she couldn’t taste anything. She was only eating because she needed to. After she was done she did the dishes and dried her hands off.
Her eyes went to find James, glaring daggers at him. How dare he decide everything. She deserved a choice in the matter too, it was her life. And that thought finally sent her over the edge. “Dammit, James, it’s my life too!” She slammed her hands on the island as her voice rose. The anger of the last couple days began to show, as she stared at him with those dark eyes of hers. A fire burning in their dark hues. “I get a say!” She moved around the counter as she began to stalk towards him, her jaw clenching.
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Her descent down the steps was quite loud, and made it all the more clear that she was still angry. Not that he blamed her in the slightest. James was hating himself more and more as each second ticked by and the silence between them remained. All he wanted to do was give in and tell her to forget that he said anything, but that would be wrong, wouldn’t it? It would be selfish. And what would Elliot think, what would he do? No, it was a foolish fucking idea that would only get her killed. The more he thought about that, the angrier he was getting.
James had let the silence linger, he had taken the blame, but the more he let these thoughts plague him, the more he was beginning to realize that she was being childish. Who would want this? Who would want to risk running for their life with possibly no end in sight? She was bloody insane, and the sooner Elliot got there, the better. He would talk some sense into her.
For now, he kept his gaze ahead while she tried to eat, because if he were to try and further explain things to her, it most likely wouldn’t go over well.
But then she was yelling.
It actually startled him and he was whirling around to face her; only a subtle cringe on his face to indicate that he twisted too much when he shouldn’t have, but that was the least of his worries. Now, he had an angry Helina marching towards him, about to start this whole conversation again. Although, this time, it didn’t appear as though it was going to be very civil.
Those bright eyes stared at her, his stance never wavering even as he stalked. He shouldn’t fuel that fire, he should stay calm and just let this pass. Let her hate him because it would be easier for her that way. He could handle the pain that came after. His mind was screaming at him to hold it all in, but after two days of sitting idle, spending most of it in silence, he was bound to crack.
“No, you don’t!” he was shouting right back, that anger and desperation just washing right over his face. James clenched his teeth, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “You don’t even know what yer askin’ for! Do you think every moment would be like this?!” He gestured towards the cabin around them. There was no guarantee they would ever find much peace. There was really no guarantee of anything, really. “I threw my entire life away fer that fuckin’ agency, and I’ll be damned if I let you do it as well. Especially fer someone you hardly even know…” Well, there it was again, and he couldn’t take it back. That ugly denial he couldn’t let go of. Now, it was front and center.
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Well, seemed like she wasn’t the only one pissed. Good, he could push her buttons then and she’d push right back. Maybe she really shouldn’t be getting into an argument with James, but dammit she didn’t care. She was tired of men making all her decisions for her. And she was going to be allowed to make the choice of whether or not she wanted James in her life.
“I very much so fucking do!” She fired right back at him. She placed her hands on her hips and glared. Her nostrils flaring slightly. “No, I don’t imagine it will always be like this. I imagine there will be nights where we likely have to sleep on the streets, or in a car, or some other hell hole.” She bit out. Lina had a lot of the thinking to do while being angry at him, and she came to the conclusion she quite frankly didn’t give a damn. There was a part of her that knew if she actually was pregnant that those thoughts would change. She’d have to give a damn. She would have to leave him. You didn’t go on the run with a baby. Or drag a child Into that sort of life. The thought angered her more, but until she saw a blue plus sign, she wasn’t going anywhere.
Her eyes widened slightly at his next words and she could practically see red as her hands clench at her sides as she laughed bitterly. “What life?” She asked him with a whisper. “I’ve never had a life, James. The life you want me to go so desperately back to? That’s just going through the motions. Doing what needs to be done, because I can’t do what I really want because I know it’ll destroy my uncle and sister.” She shook her head slowly at him. He didn’t get it. No, he didn’t know. Didn't know how many nights she stared up at the ceiling just wishing she didn’t exist, because life had dealt her one hell of a doozy. Was she ever going to be happy? Any chance of happiness she had was squished at each turn. Steven had put her in one hell of a dark place. James, though? James was the flame, and Lina was the moth drawn to him. That piece of light in her otherwise dark mind.
She was a survivor but she was getting real tired of trying to find something she was surviving for. She clenched her hands more, digging her nails onto the fatty part of her palms. She did know him, she didn’t know how but she did. She may not know all the things he had done, but that feeling told her she knew him. And he knew her. She marched right up to him so they were nearly nose to nose. “If I want to throw it away then let me. It’s on me. Not you. You could have done what that agency wanted. To someone you barely knew.” She hissed quietly at him. Apparently she was going for the metaphorical juggler today. “But you didn’t. You didn’t and now here we are. You did that for a woman you barely knew, and if I fucking want to throw my life away for an impossible Scotsman that I barely know, then I sure as fucking hell will.” She fumed. Arching her eyebrows defiantly at him.
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She wouldn’t stop. Why didn’t she stop? Why couldn’t she just be angry enough to hate him enough to give up? Lina was yelling at him again, barely missing a beat, and he was practically biting his tongue to keep himself from screaming back during the middle of her rant. She spoke of sleeping in cars or shit-holes, and his eyes went wide with confusion where he was no longer able to stay quiet. That didn’t last long. “Right! Why the fuck would you want that, Lina?!” It made absolutely no sense to him.
Her sarcastic laughter brought him to an immediate pause; brows furrowing while he looked at her as though she was insane. ‘What life?’ From what he knew, from what she had actually told him, she had been dealt shit cards...but it was still better than this, wasn’t it? She wasn’t running for her life. Her father was behind bars and Steven would be dealt with soon enough- a promise he intended to keep no matter what it cost.
‘...because I can’t do what I really want because I know it’ll destroy my uncle and sister.’ What the hell did that mean? An idea was filtering into his head, but she hadn’t given him the chance to dwell on it. Lina continued to talk, berate, and yell. He could barely get a word in, and before he knew it, she was charging up to him to get right in his face.
And she was fucking doing that thing again. Somehow, she was breaking his walls down, brick by brick. She was calling him out. James threw away his own life because he couldn’t kill her, and it stemmed deeper than just having met her. He knew it. She knew it. Normally this shouldn’t be a problem because normally this was something a man would want to hear. It was exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Do you hear yerself?” he finally said, exasperated. Eyes were white hot in this sudden fury, unsure of how to get her to understand anymore. No, don’t crumble, James. Don’t. One of his hands gripped her shoulder gently, despite the harsh desperation that was shuddering through his body. The other gestured towards his abdomen, to the bullet wound now hidden beneath his shirt. “This is what you get. They nearly killed me, Lina...and it’s not going to end. It never ends, and I’ll be damned if they fuckin’ touch you. And there will be a greater chance of it if you stay near me.” He had to step back, had to let go of her. That anger was slowly beginning to wane to be replaced by tiredness and confusion. That bloody vulnerability. “It...wouldn’t be a life, at all, no matter how you twist it. It’s dangerous and I’m broken. I’m-” James ran a hand down his face, trying to clear his thoughts and he turned his back on her. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, she was winning this, if only because he didn’t know what else to say or do. “I’m not worth that.” Just stab the knife through his chest and twist. “Just stop...bein’ so fuckin’ naive.” His words were meant to bite, but they fell flat. He just hated himself more now.
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“I know! I’m crazy!” She said staring up into those angry blue eyes. She could see his anger, see the desperation in them that wanted her to listen to him. Well, James Bishop wasn’t the only one who didn't listen to people. It was usually at this moment when she’d get into her yelling matches with Steven that he would haul off and slap her. Anyone else she might have flinched as James gripped her shoulder, but instead she stared unblinking at him. His hand was hot, as it turned her body into a raging inferno. Mixed in with her anger she was probably about to blow.
Lina never took her eyes off of him, even as he gestured to what lay under that shirt. She knew what was under there. She’d been the one to make it so he could stand there before her now. Her jaw clenched as she listened to him. She wanted to scream at him more, she wanted to beat him upside the head, she wanted him to see that he didn’t have to sacrifice his life for hers.
I’m broken. She could see the anger slowly drain out of him as he ran that hand over his face and turned away from her, and she shattered in that moment. Her own anger began to dwindle, to fade away, replaced by frustration and desperation. She frowned at him as he told her to stop being naive. “I like to think I’m being more stubborn than anything, thank you.” She said, her voice had lost its edge as she spoke at a normal volume, and her feet had a mind of their own as they carried her forward. Walking up behind him silently, she wrapped her arms around his middle.
Hugging him from behind as gently as she could while she rested her cheek on his back. “When are you going to see that your life means something too, James?” she murmured. “Why is it that I’m the only one allowed a chance of a normal life? Why can’t we both try to get that normal life? You deserve a real life too, sweetheart.” She wanted him to try and understand. Wanted him to see that Elliot had gotten his chance at a normal life, why couldn’t James? Sure he’d have to go about getting it a different way, but he deserved it too. “They took your life away, not you.” She whispered. “And if you’re broke I come complete with ace bandages, steri strips, and whatever type of band aid you want. I might even have duct tape.” She smiled into his shirt. She let her arms fall then before she was walking back around to his front. “Why are you so self deprecating? You are worth it, James Bishop. Everything, and more.” She said coming to a stop as she looked up at him, taking his face between her hands if he’d let her. “You deserve-”
She didn’t get to say what was next before there was a loud BANG that suddenly hit the window, and then there was the sound of rapid beeping. As what sounded like an alarm began to go off. She whirled around, to look at what the noise had been, but as she looked out the window all she could see was the cracked glass. The window would have broken if it had been normal glass, and Lina’s brow furrowed in confusion. There was something lodged in it. Right in the center of what would have been the entry point, and it took her only a second to realize it was a bullet. And from the angle it was at, it had been aimed right at James’ head.