Post by Jin Reigns on Jul 16, 2021 3:54:06 GMT
This was wrong. This was unneeded stress that he was involuntarily burdening her with, and it wasn't fair to her. Jin knew better, and knew he should have requested a transfer the moment he even suspected feelings for her. But no, he thought he was being delusional and that he could ignore all of this so the job could get done.
Now, though, his emotions were impeding on the mission, precisely what he had been trying to avoid. He reacted, he opened his mouth, and now he wasn't sure how to take it back or pretend like everything was fine when it wasn't.
'You do?'
The tear that trailed down her cheek nearly made him move to her. The hope in her eyes, something that surprised him, almost broke him down further. But still, Jin remained rooted in place- the logical part of his brain keeping him there. This was going against all rules, all protocol. He couldn't allow this anymore.
Jin had to look away from her, turning to face the window with its drawn curtains. There was nothing much to see outside anyway besides a dark, criminal infested city...yet to see her in this state of vulnerability was killing him.
"Of course I do," he began, attempting some normal tone that mostly fell flat. "It's my job to care, to worry about you." Jin should have left it there, but he'd already said too much, he had already reacted and knew he couldn't just sit by and let her do this with Kalashnik. "But it's...more than that." Jin turned halfway, as though he was going to face her again but thought better of it. He couldn't bring himself to look at her as the shame completely took him over. "I can't...do this. I can't sit here and just-" He was fumbling over himself now, sighing heavily as he ran a hand down his face in frustration. "I let myself get too emotionally invested, jealous, and I had no right. I'm sorry. It'll be safer if I request you receive a new handler. I don't...trust myself anymore."
Maybe he should have stopped talking, but he thought he owed her the truth and didn't want her to find out randomly that he was replaced with someone else. Someone who wouldn't let their heart get in the way of their judgement.