I Spy....

She hadn't gone straight home after she left the precinct. The moment she climbed into that old Jeep and locked the doors, Allison just let herself cry. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried that hard, enough to make her heave sobs and blind her vision with nonstop tears.

Out of all the men in this fucking city, she had managed to fall for the one undercover agent who shouldn't have been having dalliances with anyone. He said he did it to protect her...then he shouldn't have gotten close to her in the first place, because look where it left her.

It was a good half hour at least before she was stable enough to drive, dropping by the store for some groceries then picking up CJ from her friend Lorraine's. The detective would be waiting near an hour before that familiar vehicle pulled up to the beachside apartments.

Allison had been able to find a place on the nice side of town, with a view of the ocean. That's something she had always wanted, a home on the beach, but that was a bit out of her price range at the moment. At least what she had was spacious enough for the two of them, and she felt safe there. Well, that is, until recently.

Climbing out, she was slinging her small purse and the single bag of groceries onto a shoulder before opening one of the back doors to unclip her son out of his car seat. He was already getting a little fussy, she could tell. "I know, little man. I know the feeling," she said, smirking tiredly before drawing him from the seat to balance on her opposite hip. Managing to shut the car door with her foot, Alli didn't notice CJ's bear dropping from his grasp until he was beginning to cry.

A gentle sigh, she turned to spot the stuffed animal on the pavement but she wouldn't dare try to pick it up. "I'll come back for it, I promise. Okay?" Now she'd have to wash it, and the boy wouldn't fall asleep without it. This day felt like it was getting worse instead of better.

Finally reaching her door, she was able to unlock it and get them inside; shutting it behind her. Once she put her son down, she promptly turned the deadbolt to lock it.

Nothing was going to placate the child right now, and she assumed he hadn't napped at Lorraine's, so she was going to have to go get that bear. Placing him in his playpen, Alli quickly put the groceries away before slipping that card out of her pocket to stare at it. Detective. He was a damn detective, he had been undercover, and every time she thought about it, her head spun. It was surreal, it was more heartbreaking than what she originally thought. For a second, she thought about tearing it up, but instead drew in a staggered breath and left the card upon the counter.

"I'll be right back, sweetheart, okay?" she said to CJ as if he would understand, then she was moving towards the door.

Just as someone was knocking on it.

She immediately froze, her breath caught within her throat as her heart beat rapidly. Who would that even be? Her parents didn't visit (just her mom on occasion), Sydney was busy, and she didn't think any of the neighbors would have a reason to stop by.

What if it was-?

No. Everything was fine. It couldn't be the man from the street- Estrada, Charlie said his name was. Still, she felt her hands shaking as she approached closer, peering through a space in the curtain beside it and she gasped to try and get a look at the visitor. Oh, shit.

Allison hesitated, trying to come up with some sort of excuse, to try and get him to leave but her mind was drawing a blank. She should have told him about CJ, she should have. That wasn't something she should be keeping from him, no matter how she felt about the entire situation...so, what did she do now?

Forcing back the new tears that stung at her eyes, Alli slowly unlocked the door and opened it a little. The moment he held up that bear, making it clear the obvious question was lingering up in the air between them, she swallowed the hard lump in her throat. "Fuck..." she murmured. This was definitely a mess.

Unsure of what else to say just yet, she stepped aside and gestured for him to come in if he wanted. The place was relatively neat, with a few scattered toddler toys around that she hadn't gotten to picking up yet. CJ was balancing himself in his playpen, turning his head to glance towards the doorway, and Allison suddenly couldn't look at him or his father.

The look on her face would probably answer Charlie's unspoken question.

Charlie wasn't a bad father. He couldn't be because he hadn't even known about CJ. What he was- no, what Allison had thought he had been- was a cruel, heartless human being. Now she was wondering if she was just being selfish.

Her mouth opened to speak, but he was already moving; stopping temporarily at CJ's play pen and making her heart ache more. Her son's tiny hands grabbed for the bear as he smiled happily.

"Ch-" She couldn't even say his name because the detective was on the move again. Allison simply waited there in the living room, once again fighting tears, until he returned.

He knew. She could see in his eyes that he knew, despite how his stance and demeanor was hiding it. Alli thought she was going to break down further.

'I’ve got you on police protection from now until further notice. We’re going to be watching the place to make sure it’s safe.'

"Fine. Thank you," she answered quietly. She had relented, not bothering to argue. What was even the point? So, now she stood there, already so tired from crying earlier and feeling like she might again. Perhaps both their lives just got flipped upside down, and she felt guilty even though she perhaps shouldn't.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to clear her head a little. "Do you...do you want to talk?" Was that her voice? It sounded so quiet, so distant. Afraid, maybe. Now that he was there, now that he knew (or at least had an inkling), there was nothing left to hide. She supposed he deserved to hear the truth of it.

Maybe if her son wasn't involved, she would have argued with Charlie about needed "bodyguards"...but it was different now. Not only might she be in danger, but it could put CJ in danger as well, and she wasn't going to argue or mess around with that. If he thought it important to have cops watch her place, then so be it.

'Do you want to talk?'

'Is there anything to talk about?'

For a moment, Allison wondered if, by chance, he really didn't put two and two together. That perhaps he thought she had a child with someone else (as if there would have ever been time for that.) It was both upsetting her and angering her, and she didn't know which emotion to latch onto anymore. He couldn't be that damn oblivious. So, she just stood there staring at him with a tiredly dumbfounded expression on her face.

Of course there was something to fucking talk about, asshole.

Okay, anger it is then.

However, the rage would begin to fizzle out before it really ever started...because he was apologizing. It seemed to take her by surprise because she gasped lightly, unable to move, as if she thought her mind simply made that up. Alli stopped breathing as she watched him take that step forward, then away from her, only to watch everything seem to hit him all at once.

Then he was sliding down to the floor, pulling her heart down with him. She didn't expect this to happen. In truth, she didn't know what she had been expecting. Regardless, it was only a heartbeat later that she found herself slowly approaching him, bending down onto a knee beside him.

She was afraid to get too close, afraid to even put a comforting hand upon his shoulder for reasons she couldn't fully explain. He was like a completely different person, and something like that frightened her. Still, that didn't mean she was going to ignore this. "Charlie..." she said quietly, wondering where to even go from there.

A sigh, she finally sat down, cross-legged to face him with the opposite side of the hallway wall at her back. Allison didn't look at him- instead she kept her attention on the worn, grey carpeting, noting the small flecks of blue in the fibers. "You didn't know," she started with slowly. "I was...already over three months along when you decided to-" A pause, she was recalling that day and shut her eyes for a second. "End things. There was no point in telling you, and it's possible I may never have," she confessed, her voice getting quieter. "I didn't expect anything from you then and I don't now." Maybe she was beginning to sound a little harsh, but he clearly wasn't the only one hurt.

When Allison finally lifted her gaze to look at him, she saw how watery those dark eyes were. He wasn't expecting this- why would he have been? She had kept it a secret from him even when she thought things between them were okay. Alli had been terrified, knowing the crew he ran with (knowing now it was all a part of his cover), and that her father was going to be sorely disappointed. She hadn't known what to do, and by the time she had made up her mind, Charlie had ended things.

For awhile, she had wondered if he had somehow known, and instead of denying it, broke up with her beforehand and play oblivious. Looking at him now, however, it was very clear that he hadn't known or even suspected.

She felt this knot in her stomach just tighten more and more each time he spoke. And now that she was looking at him, she was unable to look away- his pain just making hers twenty times worse. Allison had always felt justified for not telling him, and he better not have been angry about it because she would have fought him tooth and nail...but now? In that very moment, the guilt so much worse.

'Not telling me was probably the best choice.'

"Maybe..." she said quietly. "But I had wanted to so many times. Almost did earlier today, but I-" A pause, Allison sighed gently and leaned her head back against the wall before her attention drifted sidelong to CJ in the living room. "I don't know. I'm used to it just being him and I. I've had help from Syd and my mother when they could offer it, but..." A shrug, she looked away from her son and down to her hands within her lap. "Joe wanted me to give him up, y'know...and, at the last minute, I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. He basically disowned me, especially when I named the baby after you."

At first, the little huff of sarcastic laughter was in regards to her father who she named by name now, but in reality, it was at how ironic and hypocritical she must have sounded for naming her son after the other man before her that she claimed to want nothing to do with.