Post by Stephanie Ortega on Jul 22, 2021 4:05:09 GMT
Steph didn’t dare answer that question because if she did, she wouldn’t be leaving that motel room and the mission would be compromised. They were already compromised at this rate. Her kissing him had put them in dangerous waters and they were swimming with sharks.
She let him draw back and stand. Despite how much she might have wanted to stay in that little bubble with him, it was probably best they still tried to distance themselves. No need to get more complicated if they could help it.
She smiled softly up at him, quirking a brow. “Anything?” She asked. “I don’t know how Kalashnik would take seeing you in three inch heels and a dress.” She said, trying to make light of the serious situation. Because a dress and heels were what was going to get this job done. She slowly rose to her feet then, letting a small sigh out, as she stepped forward. Closing the space between them to wrap her arms around his middle and do what she’d wanted to do the moment she’d walked through the door.
She rested her head on Jin’s chest and took a steady breath. “Thank you,” She murmured quietly. She knew he couldn’t do much other then be there for her, even if he wanted to switch places with her. But it was enough for her. She appreciated him being there, because she wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without him. He’d become something she looked forward to during the week. The something that got her through the dark days.
For the most part, Jin appeared calm on the outside, but inside he was reeling. He knew what was going to happen, and how he was going to feel when she parted from his side. He felt it every time she left this motel room, but it was going to be twenty times worse tonight.
He was trying to ever so slowly draw himself away, but it was proving difficult as he still held onto her hand, and she was drawing closer. Still, her words actually made that smile break out across his face, and he chuckled, "Not exactly what I meant." It could have been him, though, but those in charge knew it would be easier for a female agent to gain access sooner. She had...assets he did not. Jin could have worked his way up through the ranks to achieve the respect and trust from Guererro that was necessary, but that could take years. Far longer than what Steph had been dealing with, which was already long enough.
When she stepped closer, he was embracing her; holding her firmly against his chest where she'd likely hear the thundering of his heart, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "For what?" he asked, his words murmured into her hair. Somehow, he felt more useless now. Jin was literally there to relay information to the captain and call in backup if things went south, and pray it got there fast enough. It killed him to be so idle while she was risking her life.
Post by Stephanie Ortega on Jul 23, 2021 18:28:47 GMT
Steph allowed herself to stand there and soak up the comfort that Jin’s embrace brought. It relaxed her and relieved the stress she was under as she stood there in his arms. Her arms tightened slightly around him, while took a deep breath. Inhaling his scent as she wished she could just stay in that moment forever. The kiss to her head just added to that feeling of not wanting to leave.
Her eyes were closed as he asked that question, and she pursed her lips for a moment. Not sure what to tell him since expressing these types of feelings were not something she was used to doing. “For being the safety light in the dark.” She murmured. “For...being you, here. I-” She huffed out a sigh as she leaned her head back so she could look up at him. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it this far without you Jin. Just-” She struggled to find the right words and it showed on her face. Struggling to find the appropriate words for appreciation. “I’d tell myself that I just had to get to seeing you again and everything would be okay.” A small flush crept up her face as she confessed, pressing her forehead into his chest so she wouldn’t have to look at him.
Jin was quiet and patient, waiting for her to answer and he didn't realize that he was holding his breath. He had tried so hard to do whatever he could these last several months, struggled to make sure she was alright, that she stayed as sane as possible. He had wanted to take away the burden of this job, but knowing that was impossible, he had hoped to somehow lessen it.
To hear that he managed to, made a gentle smile curl his mouth as those arms encircled her just a little bit more.
The smile widened as he caught the flush of her cheeks before she was burying her face into his chest. She wasn't going to be able to hide that easily. Fingers filtered into her dark hair, urging her to look at him again.
He felt that pain again, the knowing struggle of having to let her go again when he was finally allowed to hold her like this. Then again, no, he wasn't allowed, was he? Stephanie already risked a lot coming to these meetings, and now they were both risking a lot more simply holding each other. But he couldn't do it- he couldn't ignore this anymore.
Jin could continue to tell her he wished she didn't have to leave. He could tell her not to do this, that he didn't want her to pretend to be Juana, to do what was suspected of her. He didn't even want to think about it. His expression fell a little, but he tried to keep a smile grin on his face for as long as he could.
"I don't know if this is good that...we now know-" he began quietly, clenching his jaw briefly. "Or if it's worse." It was meant to be softly humorous, but he wasn't laughing. "But, uh...maybe after all of this is done...we could go find that beach together for a bit, hmm?" There was a mix of sorrow and adoration in his eyes as his thumb brushed along her cheek.
Still, he didn't say if, but when this was all over. She would come back, even if he had to take drastic measures.
Post by Stephanie Ortega on Jul 24, 2021 2:30:23 GMT
At his urging, Steph slowly raised her head. Glancing up at him shyly as she caught that wide smile of his. A small one appeared on her face as she peered up at him. She saw his face fall a bit, and wondered what was on his mind. It probably wasn’t all that difficult to think about considering their job that rarely left their mind.
She watched him talk, her face softening as he voiced his concern. She wondered that as well. What was less painful? Knowing or not knowing? The way Steph saw it though… If she died tomorrow she’d want to know. To be like this, even if it was only once.
"But, uh...maybe after all of this is done...we could go find that beach together for a bit, hmm?" Steph tilted her head more into his touch, turning it so she could press a soft kiss onto his palm, as her eyes looked back up at him. Having to tilt her head back bit more so she could see him better. Did she have to be so freakin short? “Si, I would very much like that. With a hammock, coconut drinks and not having a care in the world.” Far far away from their problems, Kalashnik, work, and where they could just be Steph and Jin. “We really need a vacation after this.” She murmured, but her face brightened and she smiled up at him. “A long one.” She said with a small laugh.
She took the moment to just look at him then. Feeling that comforting warmth wash over her as they stood there. It was nice. Very nice to be standing there like that with him. “I think it’s also a good thing we now know. I don’t want to hide it anymore. I’m tired of lies, and being something I’m not.” She sighed. Being honest with him. After so long of telling lies, you started to believe them after a while. There were some lies she didn’t ever want to believe. “I like you, Jin Reigns.” She whispered. Putting emphasis on the word like. She was still understanding her feelings for him, and didn’t know if they bordered on love. That word terrified her, and she would not use it lightly. But she did want him to fully hear it. To know. He deserved to know.
He knew, deep down, that he had wanted to know. That every day she spent out there killed him, that every time she was here and had to leave just killed him more. Jin tried to deny those feelings for far too long, but he was perhaps a fool to, in a way.
You know, work regulations and protocols and what have you. They made things very difficult to handle.
"Not a care in the world..." he echoed quietly. He was going to be thinking about that, just as she had suggested, from now until then. If he didn't, he'd likely lose his mind. Jin chuckled softly at the mention of a long vacation. "The captain owes you a long one after this. And I'll make sure of it." He wouldn't have to fight Cordova on it, because all undercover ops got an extended leave after long jobs. It was to ensure their minds were still intact and to take every precaution to build them back up to the life they once had, but still. Steph was going to get everything she desired- he would be certain of it.
'I'm tired of lies, and being something I'm not.'
"I know..." he murmured, wishing once again that he could just take her away from it all. His expression softened considerably when she spoke again, and Jin seemed amused and awed at the same time. "You do, huh?" His voice took on a lightly teasing tone.
Jin cared for her, and it was most assuredly more than just "like", yet that didn't mean he completely understood just how deep those feelings went. He hadn't been able to share or express these feelings until now, so much of it had been suppressed.
Fingers gently grasped her chin, leaning his face down closer so that his words could be whispered against her lips; teasingly, lingering ever so close, "I...very much...like you, Stephanie Ortega." There was a faint grin that curled his mouth before he softly kissed her. "And don't forget it."
It was his way of saying "come back to me" without actually speaking the words and putting those images into both their heads.
Post by Stephanie Ortega on Aug 11, 2021 15:06:55 GMT
At that teasing tone, Steph raised her chin slightly in challenge, narrowing her eyes as a small smirk appeared on her lips. “Si, I do.” She said without any hesitation. Her arms tightened around him slightly to emphasize her point. She cared for this man. More than any other as she admitted the feelings, despite everything. She wanted him to know that it wasn’t just him.
That little smirk only turned into more of a grin as he grasped her chin and she leaned into Jins body more, leaning her head back more to get a better angle as his face down closer and she could feel his breath against her lips, teasing her, as he said those words that made her body warm at hearing them. “And don’t forget it.”
“Never, cariño” whispered back against his lips as hers fit perfectly against the curve of his. She’d never forget even if she tried. She didn’t want to ever forget her angel in the darkness.
A hand came up to cup his cheek as she deepened the kiss. Not yet wanting to say goodbye despite the fact their time was running out. It was running out but that had to be a good thing to right? Once they were done here they could have that beach. Steph wanted to be selfish and wish they were at that beach now, but reality always had a way of coming back and kicking you in the ass. The hardest part of the job had yet to come up, and in the event Steph really did have to do something she didn’t want to do…
She was torn on whether or not she should tell Jin. That promise to her father had been the longest held promise she’d ever made. And she just might have to break it.
For a brief moment that kiss turned more desperate. As if Steph was afraid of losing him, which she was… she was afraid he’d lose her to this job because she wouldn’t be prepared enough for it and it would get her killed. That worry had wormed its way into her mind and there was no getting rid of it. She finally pulled away from the kiss to lean her forehead against Jins. Catching her breath while she furrowed her brows and a brief look of despair crossed her features. They both knew what was expected of her. It would be ignorantly irresponsible to ignore it or try to think about getting out of it anymore.
“Jin…” she started to say as she took a deep breath, and then forced her eyes open as she looked at him. “I know we both don’t want it to happen, but in the event there’s no other option and I do have to sleep with Kalashnik…” she started to explain quietly. “I don’t want my first time to be with him.” She whispered. Conflict showed in her eyes as she held her breath, waiting for Jin to comprehend the bomb she just dropped.
Perhaps this all might have appeared out of the blue from someone on the outside looking in, but it just proved that these two were good at their job. Jin may not have gone undercover for a few years now, but he knew how to act and keep himself together, to hide how he was truly feeling. Of course, that was until Stephanie. That was until she told him something he really didn't want to hear, and didn't want her doing.
Now, everything was out in the open between them, and he knew it was going to kill him the moment she set foot out that door. It was going to take all of his strength and will not to pull her back in. He had to let her go, and he was forcing himself to remember that it was only temporary.
She was kissing him again, and the emotions grew tenfold. She was going to have to stop, she was going to have to leave, otherwise, he was going to crumble and weaken, and that wasn't what she needed right now. Steph needed someone strong in her corner. But his arm tightened around her waist, his mouth slanting against hers as he fought back the desperation he felt inside.
This wasn't fair that she had to leave him. After this, after finally knowing he wasn't the only crazy one...it just wasn't fair.
As she broke their lips apart, his head resting against hers as they stood there in sudden silence, he was afraid to open his eyes, because he knew he was going to succumb to that need to drag her away from this all.
Then, she was uttering his name, and he had to swallow a hard lump in his throat, still unable to look at her. Steph was mentioning Kalashnik, and before she could finish explaining, Jin was already shaking his head either to argue or ask not to speak of it. Yet, what she followed up with kept him silent. And he finally opened his eyes to look at her.
'I don't want my first time to be with him.'
For a second, Jin forgot how to speak. That had completely taken him off guard. Dark eyes were studying her face, as if he was expecting her to suddenly burst out into laughter like this was some kind of joke, yet that wasn't what he saw.
"...w-what?" In truth, he didn't know how to react to this except with confusion and surprise. Maybe he just hadn't heard her correctly. He also didn't know why it was difficult to believe.
Post by Stephanie Ortega on Oct 14, 2021 22:44:39 GMT
This was a bad idea. A stupid idea that she shouldn’t have even been bothered with, or even told him. What was he going to think now! Who admitted to being a virgin at this age? She could feel herself growing more embarrassed as the seconds ticked on and the more he stared at her. Her face was becoming red, and she quickly averted her eyes.
When he finally did speak it made her want to crawl under a rock. Her lips pursed, and she slowly started to turn in on herself. Folding her arms in front of her chest as she bowed her head. Hesitating on whether to stay put or to move away. She didn’t know what to do, or how to feel so it made her panicky. Second guessing herself which was something Stephanie Ortega rarely did.
She chewed on her bottom lip and then sighed. The tornado of emotions certainly coursing through her beginning to get too much. “I’m a virgin.” She blurted, deciding to just own up to it. If he had an issue, he could get over it. “That’s why i’ve been struggling so much, and keep playing hard to get with Kalashnik.” She explained. As if it all made her behavior make sense. She had no flipping clue what she was doing, and it would put a major red flag on Juana if anyone found out. Juana had shown she was more action then talk, making it hard to believe she hadn’t done the things that had been implied countless times before…
And now Steph was confessing to a secret she’d been holding onto for years, and confessing that she didn’t want a Russian arms dealer to be her first time should it happen. “Y-you know what, just forget it, i-it’s fine.” She stammered out, suddenly wishing she hadn’t said anything at all.
Jin thought he was imagining things, but with each passing second, it all became far too clear. It wasn't that he was necessarily shocked by what she said (though, to be fair, he kind of was), because the more he thought about it, the more it angered him. It wasn't an anger at her- no, far from it- but the damn department. Did they know? Did Cordova know about this and still sent Steph into this role?
He was still standing there dumbfounded as she curled into herself, explaining further, and he was almost at a loss for what to say. Except that this was wrong on so many levels. Steph was a beautiful woman, she was confident, so her virginity couldn't have been simply because she hadn't found "the one". Maybe she believed in marriage beforehand- her family was very religious were they not?
'Y-you know what, just forget it, i-it's fine.'
Finally, he blinked. "No," he managed to stammer out, his vision becoming a bit more clear. "No, Steph, it's not fine." His jaws clenched again and he was trying to wrap his head around all of it. "It's far from fine. Does Cordova know? You can't...you can't do this, it's not right." Jin was beginning to sound angry, maybe a little exasperated, but it was not at her. She should not have been assigned to this kind of job then. It wasn't fair to force her to go against her decision, belief, whatever the reason was. "You can't let him-" He couldn't even bring himself to finish that sentence. Even more now, he didn't want Kalashnik touching her.
Post by Stephanie Ortega on Mar 14, 2022 4:00:45 GMT
Maybe she should have thought this through better. But that wasn’t really something Steph did. She was an emotional person. A heavily emotional person that acted on instinct and impulsiveness, and it was something that was going to get her into trouble. She wanted nothing more then to take back what she’d said. Thinking it had been a mistake. Jin didn’t need to know this fact, what was he going to think of her?! That was Loco? Or maybe not even believe her? Virginity was just a construct people made up, but in the latin culture it was important.
But in that moment, she wanted to take it all away. She didn’t like how upset he was suddenly becoming, how angry his face looked, even if the anger was directed directly at her. Her arms tightened around herself as she stood there, and she averted her dark eyes for a moment, before they flickered back up to him. She clenched her jaw when he said it wasn’t fine, and she almost made an exasperated sigh. Did he always have to tell her no?
It was sweet that he wanted to protect her wishes, that the captain should have been notified, but it also wasn’t something Steph wanted everyone to know, or else she’d never hear it down. It was bad enough being an undercover female cop, but a virgin one too? They’d lever let her hear the end of it.
“I haven’t told anyone but you.” She grumbled. “Because that’s a great conversation starter with your boss.” She huffed. “I signed up for this knowing I would have to do things I didn’t want to. I’ve accepted that, Jin.” She tried to explain. She sighed and canted her head as she looked at him. Feeling her face was still a deep shade of red. “I won't if I can help it.” She all but growled. Trust her, she didn’t want that slob touching her anymore then she had too, but she had to be realistic here too.
All of this had been for selfish reasons just moments ago, but now? Now it was for her own beliefs and morals, and Jin couldn't understand why she didn't see this as a problem. There was nothing wrong with a woman who saved herself, especially one from a very religious family. His mother was very old fashioned and traditional, so he truly understood that kind of pressure. This worried him even if, maybe, it wasn't any of his business.
Plus, it was fucking Kalashnik. He didn't even deserve to look at her that way.
"If it's a choice you've made, a part of your culture, it's something you should disclose, Steph," he told her a little sternly. "You wouldn't have been put in this predicament because they have no right to have you go against your own morals." He was slowly beginning to fume but it wasn't necessarily at her. Maybe it was just this situation, maybe it was at the entire world. It was like nothing could just be easy all of a sudden.
'I've accepted that, Jin.'
"Yeah, well, maybe I can't." He just blurted it out without thought, turning away from her for a moment to try and clear his head. A hand ran down his face in tired frustration. She said she wouldn't if she could help it. "If" was the very problem. "You're going down a dangerous path. What if he tries to-" He didn't finish that sentence, his voice suddenly quiet.
Stephanie could deny Kalashnik all she wanted if it came down to it, but the man wasn't the type to just accept that. And what if Jin couldn't get to her in time, blowing the case wide open or not? At that point, it wouldn't matter.