secrets in the dark

'I'll let you know.'

The captain's words just repeated over and over again, and deep down he knew that was just her trying to placate him. There logically was no time to bring another handler up to speed- they were likely reaching the end of this mission. Steph was nearly there.

She just might have to do something immoral, and it made him sick. And yet, what choice did he have except to bear it and ignore his feelings? He literally had no choice, and it was slowly eating him alive.

Suddenly, there came that familiar knock on the door, breaking him from his thoughts.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he rushed to the door to look through the peephole like always. Every muscle in his body tensed, making her out on the other side...before finally drawing in a staggered breath, flipping the lock, and opening the door for her.

Even though he knew it was her, and he was prepared for it, Jin still stood there for a second too long before stepping aside to allow her in. She'd probably wonder what he was even doing there, and he was ready to explain when he caught sight of that growing bruise, even in the dim.

Whenever she was inside, he shut and locked the door like always, and felt his jaw clench. It was instinct to reach out to her, but he stopped himself just in time before fingers could brush against her cheek. "What happened?" he asked, his voice dangerously low. It might've been clear that he was trying not to jump to conclusions. But he didn't ask how she was, like he always did... because it was obvious something had happened.

His fingers balled into a tight fist at his side.

The surprise on her face made his guilt rise tenfold, and yet it was his anger over whoever had left those bruises that took center stage in his mind. It was almost as if he hadn't told her how he felt, as if they hadn't had that conversation the last time she was here, like he didn't tell her that he wanted to to leave for her safety. None of that mattered in that very moment, and yet one fact remained: she mattered. Her life mattered, and the concern on his face would have been there regardless of how he felt.

'You should see the other guy.'

He was grinding his teeth. She hadn't answered his question and was turning the whole situation around on him, as if she hadn't just gotten beat on. It was irritating, and Jin nearly lost his cool...and he never did. Well, except when finding out she was going to sleep with Kalashnik.

His priorities were definitely not in order anymore.

Jin watched her get the water and take a seat on the bed like she always did, trying not to appear irritated by her lack of, well, giving a shit. Yeah, he should've been gone by now, but he wasn't, and he was still trying to do the job and keep his mind in check.

"You didn't answer my question, Steph." He sounded a little more stern.

He rolled his eyes and didn't try to hide the flash of irritation across his face. 'You didn't answer mine,' she said.
Well, I asked you first, he nearly said.

She was being stubborn, and it wasn't going to help anything if she kept it up. She said she was going to do the job, well, he was trying to still help her do it while he was still there. For a brief moment, though, he wanted to explain to her that he wasn't leaving because he didn't care anymore, or that he didn't want to see her succeed...but hadn't already said why? What was the point in repeating himself now? Steph was just going to give him the cold shoulder.

Her glare did little to affect him, besides making him a little more annoyed yet Jin let it just roll off his back as if it was nothing. This felt like they were back at the beginning, both fresh to the case and working with each other. If only he could trick his emotions into believing it was.

As Stephanie mentioned something about a party, he was moving his way to the bathroom where she'd hear the faucet running for a couple of seconds. Then, he came back out with a damp washcloth. He had noted her skinned knuckles before, yet said nothing about it as he knelt in front of her and reached for her injured hand.

If she even allowed it, he'd carefully dab the cloth against the dried blood, and kept his eyes on that. As much as he was trying to avoid letting himself fall deeper, he didn't want her to be so angry with him, and he was still trying to take care of her.

Still, couldn't she see why he needed to leave? Didn't she understand how dangerous it could get? That this was wrong of him?

"Cordova isn't sure she can replace me so late in the game," he finally answered her, giving in to the stupid game first.

It took every ounce of his will to keep his gaze down. He seemed to be doing alright so far, but it was only because he kept reminding himself that it was for the best, that it could endanger her if he let himself dwell on it, to mention anything more than he already had.

And yet, simply just holding her hand was slowly cracking those expertly built up walls around his heart. Just being this close was beginning to prove a mistake, and he had been stupidly just as slow to realize it. It was just instinct to go to her side, to clean her cuts, just like he had done on several other occasions before. Because he cared, because he was still her friend at the very least.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about it," he said quietly, just sounding tired and void of everything. Jin reached for her other hand to gently wipe it free of blood as well when he paused for perhaps a moment too long as she finally explained what had happened. She had to prove herself worthy of the fucking Russian. No, Juana had to.

Another clenching of his jaw, he was ready to withdraw when her hand tightened around his own, stilling him immediately. Against his better judgement, dark eyes finally lifted up to her face just as she spoke again.

'He's not the one I want to be worthy for.'

His voice was caught in his throat, and he knew he should have stepped away. He knew he shouldn't ask her to explain what she meant because suddenly he was flooded with a hope he had never felt before. Jin had to force himself to speak, his tone wavering slightly, "It is not you, Steph...that needs to prove your worth. For anyone." He squeezed her hand in return, pretending like it was just to reassure her yet it was far more than that.

Least of all me, he thought.

His heart suddenly pounded, and Jin hardly even realized that he had leaned into her touch at his cheek. This was the beginning of the end, and he didn't even know it, but it sparked something else in him that he feared he wouldn't be able to contain.

Knowing that to stay and let these feelings possibly grow was a bad idea, that it could be dangerous if he let his jealousy consume him...he was also afraid to leave her. He was afraid of something happening to her. Either way, he was afraid and didn't quite know what to do about it.

Pendejo. His Spanish was a little rusty, but she had used that word enough for him to know it, and he faintly grinned; a tired huff of a quick laugh escaping him. Jin still stood by what he said- she didn't need to prove herself, as a cop or otherwise. He would have fought her on that if she wasn't distracting him just by a single, gentle touch.

'You're the only one that matters.'

It made him happy to hear that. It hurt him to know it. That lost, defeated expression began to wash over his features once more while the voice inside his head was screaming at him. Everything was feeling like a rush again, and he was fighting to gain control.

However, when Steph drew her hand away, holding his between both of her own, he was pulling in a deep breath. Those dark eyes never left her face, teeth hurting from clenching his jaws, and half of his logic flew out the window.

'Jin, if anything happens...'

"No-" he said quickly. His back straightened as he still remained knelt there in front of her; his free hand lifting to gently grasp the back of her neck. Jin drew her down just enough to touch their foreheads, and his gaze finally broke as he closed his eyes. "Nothing is going to happen, you understand? You've gotten this far, you're nearly there...and I'll be right here." Just like that, he forgot their conversation from last time, ignored his request to transfer. Even if it would pain him, he couldn't leave her. "I'm...not going anywhere."

What happened to all of the logic? All of his sense? It was like the moment he saw those bruises, it made him further realize just how deep in this mess she was, how dangerous the job was. Not that he had forgotten, but it was simply another reminder of what was at stake. And why he shouldn't be this close, in more ways than one.

Despite all of that, he felt this heavy sense of relief. This felt right even if he knew it was wrong, and in that very second, he didn't care. All of those walls of righteousness were collapsing all around him, burying him, and he didn't care if he suffocated or was buried alive.

A slow drawn-in breath, he nodded lightly. "I promise," he whispered. He was a fool to think he could walk away. It was wrong to abandon her now. It was selfish and he wished he could take it all back.

Jin tried to find the words, attempted to figure out how to get past this, to smooth things over but she was speaking again before he could.

'If something does happen...'

He held back a sigh, about to tell her not to talk that way before she was silencing him with a gentle touch of her hands. Then, she was completely stunning him and taking his breath away as her lips pressed against his own.

Surprised for just a second, his fingers filtered further into that dark hair at the back of her neck and found himself returning the kiss; drawing her down just a little bit closer to him. There was that wave of relief, that elated feeling instantly taking over, and the last thing he wanted to do was listen to logic and pull away.

It was only when she stopped, resting her head against his once more, did he open his eyes to watch her. His mouth twitched into a faint smile. "That doesn't...make anything easier," he confessed, a slight bit of humor in his tone. The nagging voice was trying to fight its way to the forefront of his mind, but just this once, he was managing to ignore it.

"How am I supposed to just...watch you leave here now?" But she had. It was her job. This was what she was sent in for. His hand moved, brushing a thumb across her un-bruised cheek before hovering near the small cut at the corner of her mouth. Jealousy was never a good look on anyone, but he couldn't hide it.